Anger

Sadly many people don't even know they have a problem with anger. I'm sure we've all seen people who obviously had an anger problem but wouldn't admit it. But I'm not talking about people like that. I'm talking about the ways we often disguise anger. Many people have had a problem with anger for many years and don't realize it. Let me list some of the ways we disguise anger:

depression, fear, anxiety, bitterness, resentment, vengeance, malice, fatigue, various illnesses, headaches, ulcers, etc.

Anger can be caused by losses such as a death, or a lack like thinking you didn't have a good parent or any parent for that matter -like being an orphan.

For instance, after I was saved, I got very angry at my mother who's been dead since I was 20 years old. I was angry because she didn't raise me in a Christian home. She hated God and anything to do with Him. i don't mean I got a little angry...I got REALLY angry! I began blaming everything on my mother thinking that if she'd only raised me right, I wouldn't have had all the problems I did as an adult and I would have raised my children better; I would have done so much more for Him, etc.

The Lord had to remind me that I was really angry with Him :shock: which of course really shocked me! But, as He reminded me, He was the one who gave me to my mother to raise. She didn't choose to have me, even though she may have thought so. Of course i came back with all kinds of excuses and examples but the Lord had an answer for every one. Then I was very ashamed of myself because I dearly loved my mother and I know for a fact that she loved me more then her own life and would never have knowingly or willingly hurt me. So with the Lord's help, I forgave my mother for not knowing the Lord. Then I felt great pity for her because I know she must have been hurting inside and longing for His love but didn't even know what it was she really needed. If anything, my love for her grew, and I felt a great release from all the anger I'd been holding onto.

Anger can be learned by children simply watching their parents if their parent is angry all the time, or if their parent handles anger wrongly or is the type to get angry over every little thing.

It can be caused by loss of control, fear, or guilt, like when someone is raped, or abused in any way, or forced to do things that they know inside is wrong. For a child, force doesn't mean that a person has to hold a gun to their head, because since children are taught to obey adults, any adult telling them to do something they shouldn't, is forcing them.

Anger can be caused by unfulfilled relationships -like marriage, or a parent/child relationship, or even friendship. (like when I got angry because my friend broke off our relationship) Or it might be a bad, unfulfilling relationship with an employer.

Anger can be caused also from loss of health, such as becoming disabled -something which we're all familiar with here. i know I most certainly got angry when I got hurt. I got angry with God!
I posted about it in the thread called, "My whole life was suddenly gone".

Basically I felt like God had betrayed me because I'd prayed for protection but still wound up in an accident. At first I tried to hide it from myself and of course from God, but that's impossible. The Lord knew how I felt and He made sure that I talked to Him about it. He showed me that first, He did answer my prayer for protection. I could have been killed in that accident, but I wasn't. Next He reminded me that He never promised me that nothing bad would happen to me; instead, He promised me that He would be with me when the bad things happened and that He would cause them all to work out for my good. I think most people that have been through a trauma get angry at God, even if they don't admit it to themselves. It's important for us to talk to Him about it and to recognize the truths that I just shared: that He never promised us that bad things wouldn't happen, that He promises instead that He will be with us when they do to help us get through them and that He will cause them to work out for our good. He most certainly did that for me!

So, let's look over all these "causes" of anger and all the ways that anger can show up in our lives and make sure that if there are any that are still lingering in our minds even a little, that we take them to the Lord and talk to Him about them, and search His Word for His answers ok? We need to be sure that pride, jealousy, unfulfilled expectations, and things like that aren't the real cause of our anger.

Next, we need to know how to determine if our anger is righteous anger or not. If it's not righteous anger, then it's a sin and even righteous anger can become sinful if we don't handle it correctly.

When trying to figure out if our anger is righteous or not, we need to remember that righteous anger has God's laws and God's Honor as it's focus. Righteous anger focuses on the wrongness of the evil that's been done, not on the destruction of the person doing the evil.

It's kind of funny, but the right way to deal with anger is the way we're always telling the people in apologetics: Attack the problem, not the person, including yourself if you're the one who's sinned. And we're to attack the problem not just so we can blow off steam, but we're to attack it with the idea of wanting to lovingly correct the person and resolve the hurt that's been caused by the sin.

Here are some scriptures about this for you too, so you can study up on it yourself as well, and these are just the tip of the iceberg!

1 Peter 2:23 —When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. *

Ephesians 4:26 —“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, *

Romans 12:17 —Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. *

1 John 2:10–11 —Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. *But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

Proverbs 12:16 —A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. *

Proverbs 29:11 —A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. *

Proverbs 22:24–25 —Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, *or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. *

Ephesians 4:29 —Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. *

Psalm 4:4 —In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah *

James 1:19 —My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, *

Proverbs 17:14 —Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. *

Ephesians 4:31–5:2 —Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. *Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. *Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children *and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. *

1 Peter 4:8 —Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. *

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 —Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. *It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. *Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. *It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. *

Ecclesiastes 7:9 —Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. *

Luke 6:35–36 —But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. *Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. *

Matthew 5:21–26 —“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ *But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. *“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, *leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. *“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. *I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. *

Matthew 5:38–42 —“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ *But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. *And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. *If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. *Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. *

Matthew 5:43–47 —“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ *But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, *that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. *If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? *And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? *

Matthew 7:3 —“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? *

Matthew 18:21–22 —Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” *Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. *

Cindy June 6th, 2013 12:49 PM Re: Anger   I think one of the biggest problems we all have is that we are so used to thinking of things like love and anger, or even hate, as "feelings" and what the world taught us, that "you can't do anything about a feeling". Neither of those things are true though, or at least not completely true. (like most of Satan's lies) While those words do describe a "feeling", there must be thoughts before there is a feeling. The thoughts don't have to be current...for instance, we hear about a child being molested and we don't have to think about it before we become angry. That's because those thoughts are already there from the first time we heard about a child being hurt that way. It may have been many years ago, or it may have even been when we were children and we heard our parents talking about it. We heard their thoughts about it and accepted them as our own. From that point on, every time we heard about this, our automatic reaction is anger. In that case there's nothing wrong with that reaction, but with other things it could be very wrong. We learned to "feel" certain ways about many different things when we were children. Some of them may even be correct, especially if we had godly parents who were actually attempting to teach us the correct way to respond to something. But usually even our parents didn't know what they were doing to themselves, much less that they were teaching us at the same time. We learned from watching them, listening to them, overhearing things they said and noticing things they didn't say. We learned from our friends, our enemies, our teachers, everyone. Of course, we also learned from ourselves as we got older and added our own input to things. All those "thoughts" became our thoughts, and so we automatically react to many things without even thinking about it. That's why someone can wake up "feeling depressed" even though they haven't had time for a single thought yet. It's why when another person innocently does or says something, we react by believing they're rejecting us. We previously programmed our minds to think that what they did or said, means they're rejecting us, or that they don't like us, even though they're really not, and we don't take time to think it through because "we feel it's true" and we can usually back it up with other similar experiences. Of course, if we're really honest with ourselves, and look at some of those experiences, we're bound to find that at least in some of them, the person probably wasn't really rejecting us, but because we were so sure they were, we never really gave them a chance. Which brings up another tendency of our sin nature. We love to think that we "know" what another person is thinking or is going to do. We're absolutely "sure" that we know what they'll do or say in the future based on what we've seen in the past, and how we "felt" about it then. What makes this even more difficult is that sometimes we're right, or at least seem to be. This is the kind of "judgment" that God forbids us to make. He tells us we're to judge righteously, as best we can using spiritual discernment with His help and the tools He gives us in His Word, in order to make decisions for our lives. He especially gives us tools to determine if someone is a false teacher, or to tell if someone is saved or not. But He warns us constantly that only He knows people's hearts. Therefore, we might very well be able to tell from His Word that someone is a false teacher and only teaching because of greed, BUT we cannot tell what's really in their hearts. True, the greed may show, but there may be a deep hurt inside them that we don't know about it and that only God knows about. But, if we're honest with ourselves, we constantly judge other people's hearts, and while we often use their words and deeds against them to do this, we also often use our feelings as well. This is a sin and something the Lord will work with us on to help us overcome it. Because this is so important to learn, I want to show you a few scriptures about it too. That way you can study it yourself when you have the time. I'll post them at the end. So now you surely realize that our feelings are not always "true". We have known for a long time that the Lord tells us not to trust our feelings and that includes the feeling of anger as well. We have to constantly remind ourselves to take responsibility not only for our actions and words, but also for our thoughts and ultimately our feelings, for our thoughts are what makes our feelings. It's really a shock the first time you discover that the way you react to a certain situation is because of something you overheard your parents say many years ago, and you've built on it since then. It's especially shocking when you discover that what you've built that feeling on all these years was untrue or that the thoughts didn't even really apply to the situation you took them for. :shock: You already know how to change your thoughts and reprogram your mind, or as the Lord puts it, renew your mind. (through taking your thoughts captive and replacing them with the Truth from God's Word) What we haven't really covered though, is that we also need to examine our feelings so we can take them captive if necessary. But how do we take a feeling captive? You can't really. What we have to do is take the thoughts behind the feeling captive and replace them, knowing that as we continue to do that, our feelings WILL change. Probably not right away, but eventually our feelings will come in line with our new thoughts. Keep in mind that the longer we've held onto wrong thinking, the longer it may take to overcome it with the new, but eventually it will be overcome. When we have wrong deep rooted feelings from deep and or long held thoughts, we need to persevere and continue doing things God's way even if we don't get immediate results. We have to trust God and His Word that it will change and act on that. When we doubt, we take that captive and remind ourselves that God always keeps His promises and this is one of them. Why am I harping on this when we're supposed to be talking about anger? Because anger is one "feeling" that we most often misuse and can most often cause us many problems spiritually, emotionally and physically. It doesn't matter if it's anger over how a friend treated us, or an employer, or our parents or a person who sexually abused us. That anger can and often does hurt us a LOT more then the person we're angry at ever could, and I'm including if a person sexually abused us when we were a child. Anger is one of the most dangerous emotions there is and unless we deal with it correctly - God's way, we can harm ourselves and even others we love for many, many years -until we finally start doing things God's way. So every time you feel angry, or especially if you feel rage or bitterness (which is just anger uncontrolled) you need to see a red flag waving in your mind, reminding you to examine your heart and mind with God's help, to first determine if the anger you're feeling is righteous and next to determine what thoughts are behind it and where they are leading you, because even righteous anger can become sin if not handled properly. OK, now, as far as anger itself goes, there are 2 ways it can become sinful. The first is obviously in how we handle it - like if we blow up at someone. The second way is if we internalize it - or what we call "clamming up". When we blow up, all that emotional energy is destructively fired at another person, and if we clam up, all that energy is destructively fired at ourselves, though we usually don't realize it. Actually either way, we hurt ourselves and others with it. I'll have to write more about this tomorrow though as I've already gone on too long... Luke 6:37 —“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. John 7:24 —Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.” * Romans 2:1 —You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. * 1 Kings 8:39 —then hear from heaven, your dwelling place. Forgive and act; deal with each man according to all he does, since you know his heart (for you alone know the hearts of all men), * Jeremiah 17:10 —“I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” *

Cindy June 10th, 2013 01:37 PM Re: Anger   Let's take a quick look at how Jesus dealt with anger, because our Lord did indeed get angry at times. One time we often first think of is when He chased the people selling stuff out of the Temple. How can we tell that was righteous anger? Ask yourself why Jesus did it. What was His motive? He was angry out of concern for God's honor and principals. What made His anger righteous was that He was angry because these people were doing things to God's house that God shows in His Word that He would not like or allow and because of that, they were dishonoring God. When we see situations like a child being molested, a woman being raped, or someone being murdered,we know from His Word that kind of behavior is wrong and dishonors God and His laws, therefore it's correct to be angry about it. Think about what some other things would be considered righteous anger. If you saw or heard someone slander another person or slander you, or if someone lied, or if someone stole something from you or someone else, or if someone broke just about any law, because God says we're to obey the laws of our countries. Another would be if someone beat you or someone else or if someone neglected or mistreated you or their children, or their parents or anyone for that matter, or had an affair, or was looking at porn. All of these and many others are all things that we can be righteously angry about. BUT, that does not give us the right to say or do anything we might feel like about it. It's what we do with that righteous anger that can turn it into a sin. Remember: the right way to deal with anger is to attack the problem, not the person, including yourself if you're the one who's sinned. And we're to attack the problem with the idea of wanting to lovingly correct the person and resolve the hurt that's been caused by the sin. I'm fairly certain that as soon as everyone read the word "lovingly" in the above sentence, the worlds way of love and tolerance reared up it's ugly heard. That's not the kind of love the Lord means though. Again, let's look at when Jesus got angry at the people selling things in the Temple. He literally threw them out of the Temple after first releasing all the animals. He did not harm anyone though, nor did He harm any of the animals or birds. He was quite firm in His speech and everyone knew He meant exactly what He said and wasn't interested in debating the issue. Another time Jesus got angry was at the Pharisees and again it was because they dishonored and twisted God's Word. Actually, He got angry with them more then once. When He did, He even called them a "brood of vipers". That does not give us permission to call other people names when we're angry at them though. We need to realize that Jesus was not speaking to an individual and calling them a name. He was instead speaking about an institution - the Sanhedrin, and saying that the members in general had become a brood of vipers. Looking at how Jesus handled His anger helps because first it shows us exactly what righteous anger is about and second it gives us some idea of what an appropriate way to handle it is. First we see that He never physically harmed anyone or anything. Secondly, we see that when He was angry, He used that to teach them, and warn them, not to harm them. Let's look at some of them: Matthew 12:34–37 —You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. *The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. *But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. *For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” * Mark 11:15–17 —On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, *and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. *And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: “ ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’” * Matthew 23:33–36 —“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? *Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. *And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. *I tell you the truth, all this will come upon this generation. * As you can see, in the first 2 He was teaching them and in the last one is definitely warning them. So, looking at these instances, can you see how Jesus attacked the problem and not the person and that His entire purpose was to reconcile them with the Father and Himself as well as resolve any hurt anyone had been through because of them? There's another thing we can see from these different examples of when Jesus was angry - He was always in control of Himself and of His feelings. He never let His feelings control Him. That's how God wants us to be, and is also part of taking our thoughts captive, which is why He tells us in Eph. 4:26: ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. We are to control our emotions and with anger, we're to keep it on a short leash and handle it immediately, not dwell on it and let it grow into a rage. When Jesus got angry at the people selling animals in the temple, He made a whip (He never hit anyone with it though, He just used it for emphasis) and chased everyone out that was selling things, while telling them why He was doing it. He didn't need to go into any lengthy explanation because these people knew their scriptures. John 2:15–16 —So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. *To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father’s house into a market!” * By doing that, He kept Himself under control, resolved the problem which made Him angry, (He got rid of the merchandise and the sellers) and told them why what they were doing was a sin so they could repent and be reconciled with the Father if they chose to. He knew that the Father would judge them righteously and see that they paid for their sin if they didn't repent, and He loved them enough that His biggest desire was that they would repent. That's the part that's hardest for us. Most of us are like Jonah. (Jonah 4:1–2) We don't really want the person we're angry at to repent, mainly because we think then they won't pay for whatever they did that made us angry. However, that's not really true. While they will be forgiven if they are saved and repent, that doesn't remove the consequences of their sin. Again though, the problem is that generally, we want to be the ones to set the consequences instead of allowing God to handle it. If we think about it though, no one can match God in the expression of fierce wrath if they don't repent, and if they do repent, then who are we to feel badly about that after all the Lord has forgiven us for? These are the things we generally work out with God as we forgive the person. But as far as anger itself goes, the bottom line is that in order for our anger to remain righteous, we must keep our focus off of ourselves (or whoever the wrong was committed against) and keep our focus on God. This is getting pretty long so I'll pick it up again tomorrow.

Cindy June 12th, 2013 01:33 PM Re: Anger   Why are we told that we're not to let the sun go down on our anger? Have you ever wondered about that? God actually does tell us why. It's because He knows that if we dwell on the anger that it will grow all out of proportion and can easily become bitterness, rage, malice, brawling and all kinds of nasty things, eventually possibly even leading to murder! That's also why we're told in Ephesians 4:31 to Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. The next verse goes on to say what we're to do instead, which is to be compassionate and forgiving. I know we've talked about how God says we're not to trust our feelings...our emotions, but I'm not sure if I've ever explained why He tells us not to trust them. The reason for it is quite simple and actually goes back to when Adam sinned. Our emotions are tainted by sin. This is also why it's impossible for people to practice Godly love or righteous anger without God's help and growing in their faith. Those who do not have His spirit within them, also have not had His love poured out into their hearts, therefore they can only love the way the world does, not God's way. (yet another reason God doesn't want us to marry unbelievers - He wants the best for us!) Because they don't have God's Spirit or love, they also cannot practice righteous anger and so instead deteriorate into all those things the above verse talked about. That is also why so many get into self pity and develop it into depression. Those thoughts and feelings can then become a habit that can affect them even after they're saved if they don't constantly grow in their faith -which most don't. Even people who are truly saved can fall into those traps when they stop growing in their faith, stop studying His Word with Him daily, etc. This is a broken world and it's easy to allow ourselves to be caught in it's trap. In fact, the only way out of that trap is through salvation, and then through studying His Word with Him daily, spending time with Him in prayer and growing in our faith and never, ever allowing anything to prevent that. That's not how God wanted it to be, but how it became after Adam's sin, because of our sin nature and the fact that the entire world is under the curse of sin. Knowing our emotions are tainted by sin, what does that say about our thought life especially before salvation? (since we know from God's Word that it's our thoughts that originally cause our emotions) Again it shows exactly what God's Word says, that our minds - our thought life, is also corrupted by sin and that we cannot know the truth about ourselves or God without His Spirit and His help. Matthew 15:19 —For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. * Proverbs 27:19 —As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. * Romans 8:6 —The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; * Romans 1:28 —Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. * When we dwell on our anger rather then act on it righteously or take it captive if it's not righteous anger, then we make it very possible to become full of bitterness, rage, malice and hate. Remember that we're told we cannot have those in our lives and still be walking with the Lord. When we give way to those things, then we are walking in darkness and serving Satan instead of our Lord. Why? Because Jesus tells us that hate is no different then murder, just as lust is no different then adultery, and those are things Satan delights in. Therefore, when we do get angry, we must first determine if it's righteous anger, and then, if it is, we must do our best to deal with the matter as quickly as possible by directing it at a righteous solution to whatever the problem is about. We know from how Jesus acted toward the Pharisees in general, that anger can be directed toward evil institutions. Remember, Jesus was friends with individual Pharisees and some of them were saved, but as a whole the institution was corrupted which was what made Him angry. The entire point of His anger was to attempt to correct the situation. That doesn't mean that the person or institution you have a problem with will repent and the problem will be solved, but it means that you will have done your best to deal with it the way God tells us to, and that ultimately God will avenge the situation. The bottom line is that we are called to use our anger and the energy it produces to attack the problem that's caused our anger constructively instead of attacking ourselves or others. We're to look at the wrong that the other person has done and confront that persons behavior, desiring to correct them and resolve any hurt that's been done - much like when we forgive in order to bring about reconciliation. Righteous anger must be solution oriented. That's really the bottom line of all of it. God tells us that we're to love everyone and live at peace with them as far as it's up to us if they're unbelievers; if they're born again, then we're simply to love them and live at peace with them period. There is no other choice. Obviously we can't do this on our own, anymore then we can forgive everyone on our own, or take our thoughts captive on our own all the time. It's impossible. Therefore we must be living in Christ and accepting His help and guidance to do this. This is what denying ourselves is all about. It's not about giving up TV or a new car, it's about denying our self centeredness where we tend to think and make everything about us and make ourselves out to be the most important person. But God says we're to do the opposite. He is to be first, then others and we ourselves are to be last. It means letting other people "be right" sometimes, even when you know they're not. (as long as it's not an issue of doctrine as we're not allowed to tolerate any false teaching) It means doing for others, when you're tired and hurting and just wishing someone would do for you once in awhile, and remembering as we do whatever it is, that Jesus will reward us for it. It means giving up our "right" to hate, or our "right" to be angry at times, for His sake and because we know that ultimately God will avenge us for all wrong done to us. It means keeping our focus where it belongs...not on ourselves, but on God and remembering all He has forgiven us for already and that, "there but for the grace of God, I could have done the same". When I first started down this road, I was a very bitter, angry person who hated men. The Lord softened my heart and of course poured His love into my heart as He does all of us when we are saved, and the bitterness began to lessen. But I still had to go to Him and confess that bitterness, anger and hate, I had in me because of my children being molested. I knew from the scriptures it was spiritual poison and asked Him to rid me of it completely and He did! I was amazed at how new and fresh and clean I felt afterward too! It was amazing! That's why James tells us not to deny it if we have these things inside us (actually all of us do to a certain extent). God wants to heal us of them and remove them, but we first have to admit they're there. here are some scriptures about this to reflect on. Ephesians 4:31—Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. * Acts 8:23 —For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.” * Hebrews 12:15 —See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. * James 3:14–16 —But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. *Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. *For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. * 1 John 2:9–11 —Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. *Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. *But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. * Matthew 5:21–22 —“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ *But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. * Romans 12:17–21 —Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. *If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. *Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. *On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” *Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. *

Cindy June 13th, 2013 12:17 PM Re: Anger   The most important thing to remember for us is that anytime we have persistent anger toward anyone or anything, it affects our relationship with God. In fact, I saw a quote just the other day that I thought made a really good point. I can't remember it exactly, but will put it in my own words for you: "Our relationships with others, reflects our relationship with God." Now, that doesn't mean that if you have a person or even a few people that you don't have a good relationship with, that it always means you don't have a good relationship with God, but it is wise to examine yourself at that point just to be sure. If you can look at that relationship(s) and know that you've forgiven them, that you act kindly to them whenever you see of speak to them, and that you love them, even though they don't respond the same way toward you, then your relationship with God is most likely just fine; at least as far as this goes. However, if those things aren't true, then there may be a problem within yourself that you need to work out with the Lord's help. Why is this true: "Our relationships with others, reflects our relationship with God."? Well, remember what the Lord has told us the first two commandments are: to love God and to love others. If we're not walking in love, then we're not walking in Christ. Because unresolved anger is sin, it affects our relationship with God, ourselves, and other people. It can affect our health and lead to things which could even cause our death. Anger will always find expression. One way or another unresolved anger will show itself. I'll post some scriptures about this at the end of my post for you. I'd like to mention a few ways that the world has taught us to deal with anger that are not godly. So these would be the wrong ways to deal with it: We've all heard so called "counselors" tell people to "vent" their anger by beating up pillows or things like that, or to just scream and yell. But that is very much against scripture! Proverbs 29:11 (among others) says that "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." God calls us to be godly and righteous, not fools! I had a counselor encourage me to get angry at my husband. I kept telling them I wasn't angry but they insisted I was. They nagged me and tried to suggest all kinds of reasons I might be angry with him. Finally after many weeks of trying to find something to be angry about with him, I did and I told the counselor. They told me I was to yell and scream and say over and over how angry I was at him and what I'd like to do to him. I was to make up things to do to him because I was angry - the worse the better! They even suggested pretending to kill him! I wasn't saved at this time and didn't know any better so went along with it. after a couple of months, I really WAS angry at my husband, and wound up divorced because of it. That most obviously is NOT God's way of doing things and some of the harm it can cause is obvious from what I've told, but it also caused me to become very bitter and angry at all men eventually. Thankfully when I was saved, the Lord taught me better and gave me a clean heart and new spirit. Another ungodly response is to clam up when we're angry and not say anything at all. God always wants us to speak the truth in love. Not saying anything at all is one way that often leads to bitterness. The reason for that is because when we don't say anything, we generally tend to dwell on it silently and that is what will cause the bitterness. Obviously the same thing can happen if we continue to "vent" as well, as that too is dwelling on the thing that made us angry. I'm not saying that we should always, and under all circumstances say something immediately to the person. Remember, we're told not to let the sun go down on our anger. That means handle it as quickly as possible, preferably within the same day it happened. So if we're in circumstance where it's not a good idea to say something right then, we should bring it up as soon as we can afterward. There are also things that make us angry that we need to cover with love. 1 Peter 4:8 —Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. * You know, like when I get angry with Bruce when he gets annoyed because I have trouble hearing things and seem to always be asking him to repeat himself. He's aware that I do because we talked about it when it first started happening, (in fact, I couldn't think of anything and asked him for something I get angry about and he thought of this lol) but when it happens now, I put my anger aside by covering it over with love. I realize that Bruce is just reacting and that he doesn't mean anything by it, and certainly doesn't mean to hurt me. Because I love him, I simply overlook it, and definitely never dwell on it. Another way we often handle anger is by suppressing it and denying it. That isn't godly either because God tells us to admit our sins and repent of them; and as far as anger itself goes, God tells us to deal with it righteously. Denying it is not the righteous way of dealing with it. One last way that often happens is when we feel we can't tell someone we're angry and then go and take it out on someone else. For example, if you're angry at your boss, but cannot say anything because they aren't born again, and you could lose your job. So you stuff it inside till you get home and then, even without meaning to, wind up taking it out on your spouse or children. Then when we realize it we may yet sin again by telling them we're sorry and that it's because that so and so of a boss did such and such and then start saying bad things about him. But God says we're not to speak badly about others and that we're not to let unkind words come out of our mouths and especially not untrue words. What's the right way to deal with anger then? We're to face it honestly and admit it to ourselves. We're then to accept the responsibility for dealing with it righteously, according to God's Word. That means thinking it through (with God's help) to determine if it is righteous or not, and then deal with it right away remembering that we're commanded to forgive others the way Jesus forgave us and to cover offenses with love whenever possible. Often anger come from resentment, so tomorrow we'll take a quick look at that. Here are the scriptures about all of this: 1 John 2:10–11 —Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. *But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. * John 11:10 —It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light.” * Proverbs 12:16 —A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. * Proverbs 29:11 —A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. * Proverbs 22:24–25 —Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, *or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. * Job 5:2 —Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Proverbs 10:12 —Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. * 1 Peter 2:1 —Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. * James 1:19 —My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, Proverbs 17:14 —Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. * Ecclesiastes 7:9 —Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. * Ephesians 4:26–32 —“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, *and do not give the devil a foothold. *He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. *Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. *And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. *Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. *Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. *

Cindy June 19th, 2013 12:45 PM Re: Anger   Dealing with Resentment: Whenever we're feeling resentful of someone or something, the first thing we need to do is recognize that it's a sin. The Lord tells us that we're not to harbor anger or resentment toward anyone. (I believe that I've already posted many of the scriptures about this on other posts) How can we be sure that resentment is a sin? Well, if you think about it, what is resentment really? It's quite simply unforgiveness that's being dwelled on, and both are most definitely a sin! We cannot feel resentful of anyone or anything if we've forgiven them. I covered this in depth in the thread, Forgiveness and Forgiving or Forgiving and Forgetting, the Lord's way and we'd all probably do well to study this as well. When it comes to our emotions, our feelings, we often think we can't do something or haven't done it "right" because our feelings haven't changed. For example, with forgiveness, I don't know how many times I've heard people say that they thought they had forgiven someone but because they still feel hurt about it, they think they must not have done it right and will have to do it again. That's simply not true though. All we need to do is use common sense to figure it out though. When I was working, there were many, many mornings when I didn't feel like getting out of bed to go to work. In fact, most mornings I felt that way. I bet most everyone else has felt the same way about that too. Yet I also bet that every single one of us got up and went to work anyway, didn't we? I know for myself, that even when I first got to work, if I thought about it, my feelings were still the same. I would have much rather still been in bed! In spite of my feelings though, I did my job. You did too, didn't you? So you can see that we often do things that our feelings say we don't want to, can't, or shouldn't do. It's the same way with forgiveness and anger and resentment. No matter what our feelings say, no matter how angry or resentful we feel, we can forgive. If it was impossible, then God wouldn't have commanded us to do so. So what do we do? First, as I said, we recognize that resentment is a sin, and it means we're dwelling on hateful thoughts about the person or situation. It means too that we haven't trusted God to handle the situation justly. It also means that we haven't taken captive the angry and resentful thoughts about that person and replaced them with God's Truth about how we're to feel and act toward them. (you can learn more about God's command to do that in the thread: Taking Thoughts Captive) Once we recognize it's a sin, we confess it and it will always help if we ask the Lord to soften our hearts toward the person or situation as well. Doing that will actually help us in our next step, for the next thing we need to do is find God's answer to our resentment. I think you probably already know what His answer is though... it's "mercy". Mercy like He showed and continues to show us. The next step is obvious from there, for if we're being merciful, we will then forgive the person for what they've done. Again, the thread about forgiveness will explain more about that. The next step only applies if the person you've been holding a grudge against is aware of it or not. If they are aware that you've been holding a grudge against them, then you need to go and speak to them face to face (if possible) and ask their forgiveness for your sin against them. Lastly, we need to also act on the mercy and forgiveness we've given them, but doing things for them. Remember that God's goal is always reconciliation with a brother or sister in Christ, so you may want to invite them to come over to visit or to a bible study; or you might take them over some cookies or a casserole, or invite them to dinner. God's answer to resentment is, as usual, totally different then the world's. He wants us to focus on imitating the attitude of Christ and like Jesus, have the healing of the one that's resented as our goal, knowing that God will, at the same time be healing us. I've also found that it's always helpful to ask the Lord to not only soften your heart toward the person but to give you a heart of compassion for them. God's goal, His Will for us, is always the same. He is conforming us to the image of His Son through every single relationship we have, every encounter, every situation. Our choice each day, sometimes each moment, is to cooperate with Him or not. For me, not cooperating isn't an option, as I really want to please Him, and I also want to avoid discipline whenever possible. That's really a clue though about what makes it possible and even easy, to change our whole attitude toward the person. We're changing our attitude, our thoughts, and even our feelings (eventually) because of the love we have for our Lord! So the focus is more on our love for the Lord as far as our reasons for doing so goes. And the closer we are to Him, the more we love Him, the easier it becomes to forgive others and love them too, for His sake. One other thing to take into consideration about resentment, is that it paves the way for bitterness and that is something we all want to avoid, at least I hope we do! For the Lord tells us that bitterness is like a poison that infects us and then spreads through all our relationships, including our relationship with Him. Resentment, especially if it turns to bitterness, hurts us far more then anything any human could ever do to us. Again, I've posted some scriptures about this here at the end. Mark 11:25 —And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” * Luke 17:4 —If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” 1 Peter 4:8 —Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. * Proverbs 10:12 —Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. * Ephesians 4:32 —Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. * Ephesians 5:1–2 —Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children *and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. * Luke 6:35–36 —But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. *Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. * Matthew 5:23–24 —“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, *leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. * Acts 8:23 —For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.” * Hebrews 12:15 —See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. James 3:14–16 —But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. *Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. *For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. *

Cindy

August 20th, 2013 07:51 AM

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Re: Anger
 

GODLY ANGER VERSUS SELFISH ANGER

“[Love] is not provoked” (1 Cor. 13:5).

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Self-centered anger cannot coexist with love.

The great eighteenth-century preacher and theologian Jonathan Edwards had a daughter with an uncontrollable temper. When a young man asked Dr. Edwards for his daughter’s hand in marriage, he said no. The young man was crushed. “But I love her, and she loves me,” he pleaded. “That makes no difference,” Edwards replied; “she isn’t worthy of you.” “But she is a Christian, isn’t she?” the young man argued. “Yes,” said Edwards, “but the grace of God can live with some people with whom no one else could ever live.”

That may seem harsh, but Jonathan Edwards knew what his would-be son-in-law hadn’t yet learned: the presence of selfish anger indicates the absence of genuine love. “Love,” said Paul, “is not provoked.” It isn’t given to sudden outbursts of emotion or action. It doesn’t respond in anger to offenses committed against it.

Paul wasn’t talking about anger over sin and its terrible consequences. That’s righteous indignation, which Christians are expected to have. When Jesus drove the merchants and moneychangers out of the Temple (John 2:14–15), He was genuinely angry because His Father’s house was being desecrated. But He never reacted that way when He was personally attacked or maligned. In the same way, it’s right for you to be angry when others are mistreated, when God is offended, or when His Word is misrepresented. But love always bears up under personal attacks.
Such graciousness is foreign to our society, which teaches us to fight for our personal rights and to retaliate when we don’t get what we think we deserve. That has produced greedy and loveless people who want little more than personal success and comfort. Anyone who dares to stand in their way is in danger of incurring their wrath.

As a Christian, you must resist such influences by focusing on your spiritual duty rather than on your rights. If you expect nothing from the world, you won’t be angered or disappointed when nothing comes. Remember, God is the giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17). So humble yourself before Him, and He will exalt you at the proper time (James 4:10).

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Suggestions for Prayer: Ask God for the grace to forgive those who wrong you.

For Further Study: According to Ephesians 4:26–27, how should you deal with anger?

Ephesians 4:26–27 —“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, *and do not give the devil a foothold. *

MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1993). Drawing Near—Daily Readings for a Deeper Faith