A Relationship With God

When I first got hurt and became disabled, I had no idea just how much my life would change. When I found out that I wasn't going to get better, I fought it. When I was told I couldn't work anymore, I fought it. I failed at both anyway, as my doctors knew I would and more importantly, as the Lord knew I would. See, I didn't just turn to doctors, I turned to the Lord as well, and even He had told me that part of my life was over. Done. Finished. He had something new planned for me. Well, I didn't want something new. I liked my life the way it was, thank you very much. So I alternately fought with Him and repented, making myself even more miserable. Finally, I came to accept it. I grieved for a time, which is normal, and then got about trying to discover what my new life would be.

One of the hardest parts of my new life was loneliness. I was used to being active and being around other people, including friends. Now I couldn't leave the house except occasionally on a weekend if Bruce took me grocery shopping. I guess I expected that I'd still have all my friends, but it didn't work out that way. Oh they came by to see me at first, but their visits got fewer and further between as time went by, until finally they stopped altogether. They still had lives and were busy, I didn't and so I got left behind. That really hurt. I understood they didn't mean to hurt me, but it still hurt, and I was still lonely. Then, one day, the Lord opened my eyes to a scripture as I was studying that morning. It was, Hebrews 13:5–6 —Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” *So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” *

I remember reading it, and it was like a sudden tide of emotions swept over me as I really understood that God was really with me -right then and there, and that He'd never leave me. I remember having a good cry - and it was a good cry because it was joyful tears for a change instead of those from self pity.

He showed me through that scripture and then many more that day as we continued, that He was always there with me and had even promised He wouldn't leave me. That He also lived within me and you can't get much closer then that! He reminded me of what we were doing right then -fellowshipping as some would call it; or simply being friends and having a good time talking with each other like any good friends would.

I suddenly understood that I'd had that all along, but had been so focused on my own self pity for the things I had been focusing on that I didn't have, that I'd missed the most important thing that I did have! The Lord!

I'd also been telling myself that I no longer had any purpose, which of course added to my self pity and feelings of loneliness. The Lord showed me that I was wrong again and I did have purpose but that I was looking in the wrong direction. I was looking at only myself and what pleased me, what I wanted. He gently reminded me that I had been created to do good works which He Himself had already prepared for me. (Ephesians 2:10) I didn't need to go looking for them because He knew what they were and He would lead me to them as I followed Him each day. My job, my purpose, was to bear fruit for Him but again, I didn't need to concern myself with the how's, when's, and where's of it. All I had to concern myself with was making sure that I remained in Him and in His Word each day. (John 15, especially John 15:5–8)

That wasn't a problem since I was now really enjoying my fellowship with Him each day. I used to think of it as my bible study and prayer time, but once I realized that what it was really about was fellowshipping with Him, my whole attitude toward it changed. Really, so did my life, because how could I be lonely when I had my very best friend right there with me all day long to fellowship with?

From that time on I rarely felt lonely again. Oh once in while the old self pity would rise up in my mind, but the Lord taught me to take those thoughts captive and replace them with the Truth that I wasn't alone at all. All I had to do was open my eyes to the truth of His presence and then enjoy it. It was my choice. I could ignore Him or I could start talking to Him and enjoying being with Him. I chose to enjoy being with Him. He's been my constant companion for the last 13 and and a half years now.

I can honestly say that He's never left me and is always ready to listen to whatever I want to talk about or whatever's on my mind. He's also more then ready to talk back to me through His Word and in other ways as well. It really is a two way relationship, not a monologue. It's not pretend. I'm not talking to myself. There have been times that I've asked Him to send me some human company - not because I wasn't enjoying my time with Him, but simply because I also wanted to have contact with others. He understood that as well of course, and always sent someone when I asked. Sometimes He'd even send someone before I got around to asking . I can't imagine going back to living the way I did before, where I just spent X amount of time studying, and X amount of time praying and then went about my business. Now He's always a part of my conscious mind, so I'm always talking to Him and listening to Him, He's part of everything I do. I don't go about my day and try to find time to "spend time with Him" because I spend all my waking hours with Him.

I hope this helps someone else who might be feeling lonely or unsure how to have a relationship with the Lord. It's the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, and it gets better every year as I our relationship strengthens and gets closer.

 

LiveJournal Tags: companion,friend,god,Hebrews 13:5–6,holy spirit,jesus,John 15,love,relationship,support