Cleaning house and the Lord

Some time ago I was asked about doing a bible study about cleaning our houses and I thought, why not? I've always tried to clean my house for the Lord based scripture and thought I could share that with the rest of you. When I was a little girl, it was my job to set the table for dinner and I would always set an extra place for Jesus just in case He came. (It drove my mother nuts! ) That's where it really started for me though. From there I determined to keep my room clean, just in case the Lord should show up "for real".

When I was saved as an adult and began studying His Word, I discovered that I wasn't being really silly by doing those things after all. When the Lord was teaching the Jew's about how to worship Him, and giving them His laws, He also taught them quite a lot about cleanliness and how important it was. Part of what He was trying to teach them was that everything they did and said should be done with Him in mind, which is why He gave them so many rules about cleanliness. They had to think about Him no matter what they were doing at home, at work, or at play or they would wind up "unclean" and unable to worship Him. When you think about it, it's very much like what we're told in Colossians 3:17 —And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. *

The Lord wants to be part of everything in our lives, not just part of the supposed "religious portions" of our lives. He doesn't want what we do for Him to be somehow separate from the rest of our lives. For instance, He wants to be part of it every time we bake a casserole, not just when we're baking one to give to someone in need.

Another thing I learned was that if we wanted something we then needed to take good care of what we already had. I'd been told that if we didn't take care of what the Lord had already given us, why would we then expect Him to give us something more- like a bigger house or nicer car, etc? I was also reminded that the Lord expects us to be grateful for what we already have and because of our gratitude we should take good care of it. That's true in every area of our lives but for me, I applied it especially to my home.

If I didn't take care of the home the Lord had given me, then to me that was showing Him that I didn't appreciate it enough to do so and I certainly didn't want Him to think that!

I remember when I was living in the apartment the Lord had gotten me before we were able to buy our house. I'd prayed for His help to find a home for myself and the children and this was the one He'd brought me to. It was just plain horrible as far as I was concerned. To me it was like living in a slum and I hated it, but it was all I could afford. I was relieved and grateful to have found it though because otherwise we wouldn't have had any place to live. It took me quite awhile to go from hating that apartment to truly appreciating it, but I kept working on myself until I did. I really was grateful that we weren't out on the street so that was where I started. From day one I began cleaning that apartment (it was filthy) until it shone. Once it was clean it didn't look quite so bad. Next, little bit by little bit, I did whatever I could to make it more comfortable for us and make it look nicer, both inside and outside. We didn't have a driveway, all the cars just parked right in front of the building with a street running behind the parking spaces. But at least once a week I was outside sweeping those parking spaces to make it look neater and to keep the dust down inside the house. The neighbors thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. I did it for the Lord to show Him I appreciated what He'd given me. The water was unusable for drinking or bathing, but I managed to buy a water filtering system as that was really a necessity. The lord had His hand in that because the company had never allowed anyone to buy it on credit and just pay a certain amount a month...they never did till they met me anyway. I know that was the Lord's doing though. I painted inside with the help of my children (I'm not good at that but did the best I could). Little by little over the years, with the Lord's help, I turned that nasty apartment into a home.

We'd been living there for 8 years when I finally asked the Lord for a new home and He brought us to the house we have now. it was a dream come true! But all that time in the apartment, I'd kept it clean and took good care of it for Him. Now I do the same in the house He's given us as a way to say thank you to Him.

 

 

 

There's yet another reason to keep our homes clean though. It's called self control and/or self discipline. When you study the bible, from Genesis to Revelation, the Lord talks about being self disciplined and using self control. In fact, self control is even one of the fruits of the spirit. There were many times and still are, when I don't want to clean my house, but I know that by doing so I'm exercising my muscles of self control and self discipline which the Lord requires of us. In 2 Timothy 1:7 —For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. * we see that when we're saved, God gives us the ability to have self discipline. (depending on the translation you use, that word can be translated either as self discipline or self control and means having an orderly life.) That's a very important characteristic for us to develop for the Lord. (It must be important or He wouldn't give it to us or include it as a fruit of the spirit, right? Like any gift though, it must be used in order for it to grow and be strong. Luckily for us, we have many opportunities every day to exercise this gift. 1 Corinthians 14:40 tells us that everything should be done in an orderly way...meaning using self discipline/self control. In fact, we're warned in 2 Thessalonians 3:6 and other places to keep away from those who don't have self discipline, and are not leading orderly lives. It seems that the Lord wants us to practice self discipline and control in all areas of our lives as this is something that's spoken of in many places throughout the bible. Since we all have homes that need cleaning, that gives us all a very easy way to improve our self control and self discipline. I've always felt it was important to do that since we're told to exercise self discipline at all times.

But I have to admit, for me, I still like cleaning my house in case the Lord should pop in physically to visit...and I remind myself daily that He is here in the house He gave me every day, and I most certainly want to make sure He's comfortable and that He sees I'm taking good care of it for Him. Doing it for that reason seems to make what many consider an onerous chore into something done for love, so it's not so onerous anymore.

That brings me to one other idea I had along ago... the first Christians, like us, really believed, they knew Jesus would be returning soon and that it could be at literally any moment. They were literally looking over their shoulders to see if it might be Him they'd just heard or caught a glimpse of. That's how I try to live too... as if He could pop in at any moment. I don't want Him to find me being lazy or not taking care of what He's given me, or not doing the work He's given me to do. And more then that, I want Him to find me doing it with an attitude of thankfulness.

I'll tell you as secret too. It's something I didn't even realize until my boss pointed it out to me a number of times. It was part of my job to clean the house where my patient lived and she discovered that whenever I was cleaning, I'd be either singing or humming a praise song. I was terribly embarrassed when she pointed it out and actually tried to stop because I have a terrible voice when it comes to singing but no matter how I tried, as soon as I'd forget, I'd be singing again! I still do it. I don't know when or why I started doing it, it just seems to be part of how I clean. But I have to admit that I do like doing that when I'm cleaning...it makes it much more enjoyable.

Sometimes people use the story of Mary and Martha to excuse them from keeping their house clean, but that's not at all what Jesus was saying. Martha had her priorities mixed up, true, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't keep our homes clean. If she's been prepared for a possible visit like this, then she wouldn't have had to be overworked and anxious would she? So if she'd shown more self discipline before His visit, things might have gone quite differently for her. Jesus was also trying to tell her another thing the Bible teaches, that there's a time and a place for everything. (do you see the "order" in that?) and that she wasn't seeing what was important for that particular time and place. If her home had been clean and the meal prepared as much as possible in advance, with everything that could be taken care of already done, then she too could have sat at His feet and learned from Him instead of trying to listen as she worked to get things done. Being prepared is something else the Lord teaches us.

I guess the last thing I tend to think about as far as keeping my house clean is that we're all ambassadors of Christ and as His ambassador what other people see when they see me or my house, is going to reflect on how they view Him. I want to make sure that their opinion of Him isn't bad because I don't keep my house clean and therefore give a bad impression.

There's probably much more that could be said about this, but for me these are the things that come to mind right away about it. Let me leave you with this scripture which is all about what we do in our homes and how we live. It too is talking about being self controlled and living an orderly life, so that others won't malign God's Word.

Titus 2:3–5 —Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. *Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, *to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. * 

 

 

 

 I'm unable to do as much as I used to, but you know what? That's ok with the Lord! He knows us and He knows what we're able to do and what we're not and although sometimes people may expect more of us then we can do, and often we expect more of ourselves then we're capable of, the Lord never does. He's constantly telling me to "stop, sit down, relax" LOL So now I'm learning to obey Him in that too...kind of like Martha had to, isn't it?

 

All we can do is do the best we can and leave the rest to Him.

You know, I used to fight any kind of weakness. I think one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn from the Lord is that it's not only ok to be weak, but it's what He wants us to be. As long as we're relying on our own strength, we're not doing things in His strength, but once we admit our weakness and that we simply can't do anything without His help, why then He makes us strong in Him! Maybe not strong physically or in what we were doing at the time, but spiritually strong. I'm afraid that this is a lesson He's constantly having to remind me of because always being "strong" was something that was practically hardwired into my brain since birth I think.

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  

 

Oh, I meant to say, that doing all we can on our "good days" is normal for those of us who live with pain. (and then paying for it big time the next day) I too have done things that way up till recently. But again the Lord put His foot down so I've been trying to space things out and figure out a plan that I can do on all but my worst days when I can't do anything at all. For me that's easier though as it's just me, Bruce and the cats except once a week when the kids come over. But Jenn's been helping a LOT on those days. Last week she cooked supper for us all and did the dishes which spared me a lot of pain - not to mention work!    

 

 

 What do you start with?

Start with what bugs you the most. Talk to the Lord about it. Remember, you're doing it for Him and because since you are an ambassador of Christ, your home should also show others what God is like, to the best of our ability with His help anyway.

So start with one thing, or one area that bothers you the most, talk to the Lord about it and make a plan with Him about how you're going to take care of that one thing or one area. For those of us who are disabled and live with pain, we also have to take into account both our bad days as well as our good days though. In other words, we cannot plan on sweeping the kitchen every day because we won't be able to do that. Instead we plan what we are going to do with His help on our good days, what we'll do on our "in between" days, and what we'll do on our bad days. On our bad days we may not be able to do anything at all except talk to Him about it some more - see how we're doing or if we should change something.

Keep in mind too that for those who live with pain, we have to balance what we do each day. The Lord does not expect us to do what we're physically incapable of doing, but He does expect us to discipline ourselves for godliness & manage our time according to His Will - not ours.

Another one of the things the Lord expects is for us to hold other members of our household accountable for cleaning their messes or doing whatever chores they have, or even asking for help on our bad days. This was the hardest part for me as I was used to just doing it myself.

Many people think being a Christian is all about morals, and while it is about that too, it's also about our daily life and how our daily life should reflect our Lord and our relationship with Him.

The biggest problem most of us have is knowing where to start, but often that's just another way to put it off. What we have to do is simply make a decision, knowing that just as walking from one room to another starts with one step, so cleaning our house and getting it in shape, starts with one step. It really doesn't matter where you start - as long as you start. Another problem we have is trying to do too much and that can be just as bad as not doing anything at all -especially for those who live with pain. In fact cleaning our houses like this is not only a good way to grow in the fruit of self control/self discipline, but it's also a very good way to practice listening to the Lord and obeying Him. He will tell us to stop when it's that time, our job is to obey Him right away instead of what I used to do... I tended to say, "Ok, Lord, just let me finish this real quick first..." Trust me...not good to do! 

 

Keeping our homes clean really is important, much more so then most of us would like to admit. It doesn't matter whether you have your own house or just have your own room. It's really amazing when you think about being His ambassador or representative. Everything we do and say reflects on our Lord, how we dress, and even how we take care of our belongings reflects on Him and our relationship with Him. Add to that, that everything we have was given to us by God, and that again shows why it's important to take good care of our belongings, of our room or house, or whatever.

 
2 Corinthians 5:20 —We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

Colossians 1:16 —For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. *

John 3:27 —To this John replied, “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. *

1 Chronicles 29:14 —“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. * 

The Willful Submission of a Christian Wife

The Willful Submission of a Christian Wife

Sermon by John MacArthur

Ephesians 5:22–24 (NIV) — Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Now I want you to open the Word of God this evening, to the fifth chapter of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians and those of you who have been with us on Sunday nights know we’ve been looking at this chapter in light of our series on the Holy Spirit and with particular interest in looking at being filled with the Holy Spirit in Ephesians 5:18 (NIV) — Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit..

Following verse 18 are all the effects of being filled with the Spirit or under the Spirit’s control. Ephesians 5:19–21 (NIV) — Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And we started into that and went down essentially as far as verse 20 and we’re going to pick it up and go all the way into the sixth chapter as we begin a series on the divine standard for marriage and the family. We’re going to be talking about husbands, wives, parents, children, all the way down to verse 4 of chapter 6. And there’s a subsequent passage about employers and employees under the biblical term of slave and master.

So, over the next few weeks, with a little bit of a break as we have the Shepherds Conference and don’t have a Sunday evening service, this is going to be our theme. Now, I’d like to make a sort of initial suggestion that this discussion of marriage and the family has its most significant application to people who are married. Okay? Some of you don’t qualify and you need to get married. So my opening word is, if you’re not married, get married. This is the grace of life. This is God’s best gift. If you haven’t found someone willing to marry you, ramp up the intensity of your effort. Get married. And if you are married, have children. This is God’s wonderful gift.

Now there are some people who have a gift for singleness that means a spiritual--unique spiritual capacity to remain single for the purpose of serving the Lord. Unless you have that gift and it’s clearly defined for you, by no desire at all for marriage, then you need to be married. I don’t need to remind in biblical times people were married by the time they were fifteen or sixteen, some of you are way overdue. Get married. Many of you are focused on pursuing a career, pursue a spouse. This is a very good place to find one because we have a huge number of single people who need to be married…they need to be married, for every reason that you can think of, but mostly for the reason that this is a gift of God called the grace of life.

I’m not sure why in this particular Christian culture in which we live that we are prone to follow the habits of the world and remain single for long periods of time, but that is a worldly kind of life, taking people who should be married and having them try to survive as single people when they are wired, hard wired and even given the opportunity by God to be married. Stop waiting for the Messiah, ladies. He came and went. Settle for somebody less. And, men, stop looking for the Proverbs 31 woman. That is an ideal to which women aspire. And the truth of the matter is, find another Holy Spirit-led, loving Christian and get married.

Now on that basis, you can listen to what I’m going to say because if you’re not married, you’re going to be getting married. And if you’re married and you haven’t had children and the Lord enables you, you’re going to be having children, so this is all very urgent for you.

I’m asking you to do something very foundational and you laugh because it sounds humorous. But there’s so much truth in that that we have a society of people who way over exaggerate singleness, who way over extend singleness and make it very difficult on themselves and develop habits of singleness that make it harder to come together with another person because the groove keeps getting deeper and deeper out of which you have to get yourself and to walk together with someone in unity and love. Your singleness should be as short as possible. Marriage as quickly as possible. And once you’ve picked the right one, engagement as brief as possible.

And all of this, of course, is against the grain of our culture. I’ve been around long enough to know that people used to get married in their late teens and early twenties. That was the norm. And now the society perpetuates singleness out of its own selfish preoccupations and it’s fraught with all kinds of things, not the least of which is immoral behavior. And we are living in time when way too many people are single and single because they are selfish and because either no one can live with them in their selfishness or they’re not willing to give someone else the opportunity to intrude into their agenda.

We are watching the death of marriage. And you could say while we’re watching the death of marriage because of divorce and you would be right. Or you could say we’re watching the death of marriage because of homosexuality and you would be right. And we’re watching the death of true marriage because we’re watching the rise of homo-sexual marriage, and you would be right. You could say we’re watching the death of the family because of sterilization, abortion. But we’re also watching the death of the family because of an over-extended, preoccupation with selfish desires and personal agendas that push people into some perpetual singleness.

I suppose if I had my way I would just line up all the single girls on one side and all the single guys on the other said and say, “Pick one and let’s have a wedding.” But I’m not a matchmaker. I can only give you a general perspective that it gets harder and harder for some people the longer they perpetuate their singleness, to give themselves to another person. Now there are exceptions to that. The Lord may keep a person for many of years…many years into their thirties and later because there is a person that God has designed for them. But for a general trend, when you reach the age for marriage, then you need to ask the Lord to make you the kind of person you should be so that you’ll recognize the one that the Lord draws into your path.

We have a disastrous matter in our culture and that is the destruction of the family and people running around alone or divorced or in abusive relationships and the family is being lost to us. And all of these are presented as if they are alternate life styles that have as much merit as marriage and the family. But God has designed that through well-ordered families, righteousness would be passed from one generation to the next.

There’s no way for the world to fix these problems, they aid and abet these problems. The world is fine with divorce. Divorce, no-fault divorce, any time for any reason, the world is fine with homosexuality, they advocate it. The world champion single isolated kind of self-centeredness and serial kinds of partners, all of this the world aids and abets and the church must rise up and stand for the wonder and the beauty and the joy and the fulfillment of marriage and the purity of marriage. It is such a noble union that it pictures the union between Christ and His church.

We’re going to look at marriage here in Ephesians chapter 5 together over a few Sunday nights, as I said. But beginning this little series, we draw our attention to chapter 5 verse 18 because here is the foundation. “Be filled with the Spirit.” Be being kept with the Holy Spirit. We’ve already talked about that. We know what that means, it means to be under the control of the Holy Spirit, to be moved along by the Holy Spirit. It’s not a glass-filled, because that’s a static kind of filling. It’s a sail filled because that’s in motion and that’s this kind of filling. Be born along, moved along, carried along by the Holy Spirit. That is essential to Christian living.

And then we see what Spirit-filled people do. They speak to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. In other words, they worship. Spirit-filled people worship. Verse 20, they give thanks. Their lives are marked by thankfulness.

And then in Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) — Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ., and this is what triggers the rest of the section, they submit…they submit. You could break these things down singing is a personal expression of joy for what’s going on in one’s own life by the working of the Holy Spirit, “saying thanks” is directed at God and “submitting” is directed at others. So, self is involved in the Spirit-filled life and out of one’s own heart comes praise. And thanks is involved in a Spirit-filled life directed toward God and submission, verse 21. And I want you to notice that because it’s a very important spiritual concept, “Be subject, or submissive, to one another in the fear of Christ.”

In other words, if you reverence Christ, if you are in awe of Christ, if you desire to honor and please Him, then be a submissive person…a submissive person. As general characteristic, we are to be submissive. Spirit-filled people are submissive. That is to say, they are not dominating, they are not proud, they are not self-willed. They do not live by their own agenda which is, of course, the way people in our culture and our society today live. We have sown the seeds of a self-esteem psychology and we have reaped a harvest of pride, overwhelming pride, personal pride, self-glorification, self-will, domination of the environment by one’s own person and plans. But Spirit-filled people are submissive by the work of the Holy Spirit.

The word here for “subject,” or “submit” is hupotasso, it’s a Greek verb, hupotasso, it’s compounded. It means…tasso means to arrange, to place in order, and hupo is under. It’s a military term, it means to place yourself under, to rank yourself under. That’s what it means in the military sense. It is to rank yourself under those in authority over you, under those who have responsibility for you, to be under someone. As a general principle as Christians, we are to live lives of submission. This is so clearly the general principle of Christian living that it is referred to many times in particular in the New Testament. But perhaps as clear a section as there is Philippians 2. In Philippians 2 we read in verse 1, we’ll just pick it up at verse 1, “If there’s any encouragement in Christ, any consolation of love, any fellowship of the Spirit, any affection and compassion—talking about mutually among believers—make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, loving everybody the same, thinking the same things, united in Spirit, intent on one purpose.”

How in the world can you do that? How can you get along so completely with others? “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others.” That is the soul of submission. It is humility. It is being unselfish, having no conceit but with humility of mind, considering others as more important than yourselves. Not looking out for your own interests, but the interests of others. That is a spiritual grace that is produced by the Holy Spirit. If there is any fellowship of the Spirit, any real fellowship of the Spirit, this then will appear. And—by the way—the greatest illustration of this is Christ Himself. You are to have this attitude of humble submission in yourselves, verse 5, which was also in Christ Jesus who although He existed in the form of God didn’t regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, held onto, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave and being made in the likeness of man, found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross.”

This is what it means to be submissive, to be humble, to look not on your own things but the things of others. That broad command is also repeated in 1 Corinthians 16:16, “You also be in subjection to such men and to everyone who helps in the work and labors.”

In other words, the Apostle Paul instructs the Corinthians as a matter of life to submit themselves to all who labor in the work of the Kingdom. Be submissive is a general way of life. In Hebrews 13:17 we are commanded to be submissive to those who are over us in the Lord, those who watch for our souls, those who must give an account for us to God. Obey your leaders, it says, and submit to them.

First Peter 2 and verse 13 says, “Submit to the authority of the government,” whatever institution there is. First Peter 5:5, “Submit to the elders and pastors.” So this attitude of submission just as pervasive in Christian living. And a Spirit-filled person will be humbly submissive.

I really think this is the grace that most women are looking for in a man. You say, “Wait a minute, aren’t men supposed to be the authority in a relationship?” Yes, but it is a submissive kind of authority, and we’re going to talk about that. I think most women are looking for a humble man, selfless man, a man who is not preoccupied with his own agenda and his own needs and his own expression and his own will, and his own plans. And I know most men are looking for the same in a woman, humbly submissive. And that submission can be seen in the grace of humility and in the way we respond to one another who serve the Lord as well as to those who are over us in the Lord.

It is this submissive attitude that makes a marriage work. I don’t have any question about the fact that I’m supposed to be the head of Patricia, my wife. She doesn’t have any restraints placed upon her by that, that in and of itself are abusive or harsh, but I understand that while I have authority over her given to me from God, I am also commanded to be submissive to her in every area of her needs. Sometimes when people say to me, “What’s the key to a good marriage? What’s the key to a marriage full of joy and blessing?” And I’ll tell you what it is in a very simple sentence. And this is my objective in dealing with the wife that I adore; it is simply this, “Whatever will bring her joy and be to her benefit, I will submit to do, happily, because all I want is her joy and spiritual benefit.” It’s that simple. It’s not complicated. It’s not brain surgery. Do I always achieve that end? Ask her, she will tell you no. But do I always desire to achieve that end? Of course. I submit to her joy, to her fulfillment, to what blesses her and encourages her and exercise my leadership in that way.

The same would be true as a father. Do I have authority over my children? Yes. Am I responsible to God for the leadership of my children? Yes. But because I love my children, whatever would be to their joy and their fulfillment and their happiness, and their spiritual benefit, I can’t do it fast enough. So this is a kind of submission that is really pervasive through all relationships whether you have the role of being the head or not.

This is foundational to everything. Everybody submits at some level. We all submit to each other. We all submit to the elders. We all submit to the government. As wives, you submit to your husbands. As husbands, there’s a way in which you submit to your wives. Children submit to parents, but parents also submit to children. It’s mutual. There is a kind of submission, a spiritual care that characterizes all of us in all our relationships. I think about it as a pastor, I’ve been given a responsibility over you in the Lord. What does that mean? Does that mean I conduct myself like Jim Jones and we all end up drinking the Kool Aid? No. What it means is, I’m accountable before God, I have to give an account, Hebrews 13:17. I have to give an account to God for my care for you and my authority over you must take respect for your particular and unique needs. It is a kind of authority that has at its heart care which means compassion and submission to the things that are needful in your life.

Now this doesn’t mean we don’t have leaders. We do. They are responsible to lead but with an attitude of submission. You understand? That’s how it functions and how it operates. So we’re going to talk about each of these relationships from the perspective that it’s all a kind of submission. It’s all a kind of submission. Everybody’s in the pecking order, even leaders, you know, you follow the leaders who are your pastors, but we follow Christ. Everybody’s in the order of God’s design. A wife follows the lead of her husband. But her husband is under the authority of the elders of the church and they’re under the authority of Christ. And so it goes. All of us submit to one another. And this is a beautiful kind of thing, just in the experience of believers alone. And I am convinced that this…this is the evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit in a very remarkable way. The most, I guess the most important spiritual attribute that believers have in the assembly of God in the church is humility because apart from humility, we would have chaos, we would have absolute chaos. And when I look at our church and I see the loving unity among the leaders and the pastors and the elders and the congregation, I see that submission working in our congregation. It’s a wonderful thing to see.

All right, having established that overarching principle of submission, let’s look at chapter 5 and start with the wives…we’re going to start with the wives. And yes, we will get to the husbands, but I want to start where the text starts and here we read in verse 22, let me read you what the original says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.

Did you notice the word“be subject”is in italics? That’s because it isn’t in the original. It isn’t in the original. It doesn’t say, first of all, obey your husbands. It’s not that kind of a relationship. It has already established mutual submission and then it gives you the first illustration. “Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.” This is the first illustration of submission, the relationship that a wife has to her husband. But it doesn’t say obey your husband because this relationship is more intimate, more inward and that is, I think, indicated here by the personal pronoun, “Wives to your own husbands.” Not to every man, not to any man, but to your own husbands. This has nothing to do with the spiritual inferiority, nothing at all to do with spiritual inferiority, there is no inferiority among believers between men and women…none at all. Paul says in Galatians 3:28, “In Christ there is neither male nor female.” Neither male nor female. We’re not talking about spiritual things here, we’re simply talking about divinely established categories of responsibility. And God is even fabricated us to fit those categories. For the sake of fulfilling God’s design, the woman is commanded to be subject to her own husband as unto the Lord.

Nobody would argue that a woman needs to be submissive to the Lord. We confess Jesus as Lord when we come to Christ. Well it’s a kind of relationship we have to our husband that is also like that. He is Lord in a very real sense, and we’re going to see that in just a moment.

Now I told you that the word submitting is not in verse 22, but just to be fair about that, in Colossians 3:18 you have a parallel verse and the word “submission” is there, “Wives, be subject to your husbands.” And the reason it’s there is because there’s not a parallel to verse 21, there’s no comment about submission at all, so it has to be introduced in verse 18 which is why they put it in over here in the book of Ephesians. Be submissive or subject to your husbands and then Colossians 3:18, it says, “As is fitting in the Lord.” In Ephesians it says “as to the Lord.” In Colossians it says, “As is fitting to the Lord.”

Aneko, a word that means seemly, appropriate, correct, the right thing. It could even mean legally binding, that’s a usage that we find in the Greek Old Testament. It is fitting. It is not a cultural issue. It is not a transient issue. It is not a temporary issue. A woman is to be submissive to her husband because it is fitting, it is appropriate, it is correct, it is legally binding, it suits the created order of God.

The headship of man is tied to man’s physicality. He is stronger. He is more aggressive. He is constitutionally designed by God to work for, to protect, to provide for, to secure his wife who is identified in Scripture as the weaker vessel, not weaker spiritually, not weaker intellectually, not weaker morally, but weaker in general constitution. God designed men to be the breadwinners, the workers, the protectors, the providers, the security for their wives. And that is obvious to anybody with an open mind. It is obligatory then and it is connected to divine design for a woman to be submissive to her husband.

To expand on that a little bit, and I said I was going to do this and I will. Turn to 1 Peter 3…1 Peter 3. This is such a rich portion of Scripture and I know many of you are familiar with it but we need to look at it because it says essentially the same thing. Verse 1 of 1 Peter 3, “In the same way, you wives be submissive to your husbands.” In the same way as what? In the same way as sheep are submissive to the leadership of the Great Shepherd. That’s how chapter 2 ends. In the same way that you submit to the Great Shepherd, so wives…and again that’s what Paul said in Ephesians, as to the Lord, it’s the parallel, “Be submissive to your own husbands.”

There again is the personal pronoun. Not all men, not everybody’s husband, but yours. And by the way, the word “submissive” is the same word, hupotasso, to rank yourself under. And in this case, you do it even with an unbelieving husband because this is the divine plan, so that if even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a Word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. You want to evangelize your unconverted husband? Be submissive…be submissive. Your adornment, it’s not about external things, braiding, or plaiting the hair which was some kind of weaving it with gold in it, a very fancy thing, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses.

Look, that’s not wrong to do that. God has called us to make the most out of our fallenness. And there’s a beauty in adornment, we see that in the Song of Solomon. But your adornment must not be merely external. In fact, that’s not going to do it with your husband. You’re going to win your husband another way. Verse 4, “Let it be the hidden person of the heart. The imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God.”

You don’t want to adorn yourself with perishable things. You want to adorn yourself with imperishable things. You don’t want to adorn yourself only on the outside…yes on the outside, but not only on the outside but on the inside. You want your beauty not just to be seen by your husband but you want your beauty to be seen by God. This is the true beauty and it has great value. It is this kind of beauty that can win your husband.

It has always been the standard. Verse 5, “In this way in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves from the inside, being submissive to their own husbands.” This is unmistakable. This is unmistakable. Any effort to overthrow this is an attack on God and on the divine order, which, of course, is what Feminism in all of its elements is, an outright attack on God. Holy women have always done this. Holy women, women who hoped in God, this means redeemed women, this is how they’ve always adorned themselves by being submissive to their husband. Illustration: Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

Now don’t get carried away, men. Please. But you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You shouldn’t be afraid to submit to your husband. It takes all the terror out of the relationship because it brings peace to the relationship. And by this quiet, gentle spirit, you can win an unconverted husband. This is God’s design.

Now I want to show you another portion of Scripture, this one may also be familiar to you. First Corinthians chapter 11, 1 Corinthians chapter 11 and this is a very interesting portion of Scripture. I’m not going to dig down into it, I’ve covered it, you can read the notes in the Study Bible and it covers the details of it. You can read the commentary on 1 Corinthians and it’s even more detailed there. But I just want you to get a sense of what this passage says, so let me read, starting in verse 3, “I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman.”

And I want to just stop there and say, head is a very important term, kephale in the Greek, kephale. There are people who say, Feminists who say that that doesn’t mean authority, it does not mean authority. It means origin, they say, or source. That it’s going back to creation and saying that since woman was taken out of the side of man, man is the source of woman.

Listen, Wayne Grudem did a study of the word kephale in the history of the Greek language. And every time it doesn’t speak of a specific task, like the head waiter, every time it is used in terms of relationship, it always means authority…always. It never means anything else, certainly not origin.

So, Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of the woman and God is the head of Christ. God exercises His rule over Christ in His humiliation and incarnation. Christ exercises His authority and rule over us and men the same over women.

And then he goes in to illustrating this, “Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.” Apparently in that culture women wore covering on their head as a sign of their submission. That’s been true for centuries in ancient times and some places even today. In the Arab world women are still covered as a sign of their submission. So for a man to put on something that covered his head would be to disgrace his head because in that culture, women did that, men didn’t do that. They didn’t put a scarf on their head the way women have done. You know, the Jews got this a little bit confused and you have men today that wear a little cap on their heads because of a misinterpretation of Old Testament Scripture.

On the other hand, every woman who has her head uncovered, and there were two kinds of women in ancient times that did that, protesting women and prostituting women, Feminists and harlots, they had a Feminist Movement back in Corinth, when women uncover their heads, that is equally wrong and some in the church must have been doing it. They were uncovering their heads while praying or speaking and it disgraced them to do that. It would just be like someone with a shaved head. And we know from history that women who were Feminists shaved their heads as a protest.

“If a woman doesn’t cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off. But it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off, or her head shaved, let her cover her head.” In other words, the ultimate disgrace would be to shave your head, but it’s also a disgrace to take the covering off in that society, so leave the covering on. And he goes on to talk about that further.

Verse 11, we can pick it up there…well; verse 10, The woman has a symbol of authority on her head and because of the angels? Yes, the angels want to see the woman in submission because that’s God’s design and they want God’s will done. In the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of a woman. In other words, there’s a mutual relationship that they share. There’s that mutual submission. But there is nonetheless the authority. The woman originates from the man, the man has his birth through the woman and all things originate from God. While there is mutuality and God is over all, and while we have authority over the woman, we come from a woman, which speaks of our mutuality. Nonetheless the man is the head of the woman as Christ is the head of the man and God is the head of Christ. That’s enough out of that passage, as I said, if you want a lot more detail, there’s more to be found in other sources.

Now I want you to look at Titus because I want to give you the complete picture. Titus chapter 2, this is an emphatic statement that will broaden a little bit our understanding of what it means to submit to the man, or the husband. A very relevant passage.

In Titus chapter 2, Titus is giving instruction on relationships in the church. He talks about older men, older women, younger men, younger women, and that’s the theme in this second chapter. Talks about slaves and how they submit to their masters. So it’s about those relationships, very much like Colossians and Ephesians. But notice in verse 3, “Older women are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good.” Okay, now women are to teach. They’re to teach what is good. And just exactly what does that refer to? It refers to encouraging the young women, the next generation, to love their husbands…to love their children, to be sensible, pure…and then this, “Workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands.” And what’s at stake? “So that the Word of God will not be dishonored.”

A generation of so-called Christian women who take a Feminist approach and reject the calling of God to be subject to their own husbands and to love their children and be keepers at home, undermine the Word of God. They undermine the Scripture. They say to the world, “Not all of it matters. And if not all of it matters, then you can pick and choose what to reject, and the Word of God is undermined.”

Now let’s just pick out a couple of things here, out of all of this. Older women, mature women, godly women, reverent women are to encourage young women to love their husbands, philandros, husband lovers, encourage them to be husband lovers, to love their husbands and to be children lovers, philoteknos and philondros, husband lovers, children lovers, one word in the Greek…one word.

And then beyond that, to be subject to their own husbands. Here the word is an interesting word, to be really submissive in the sense that you line up under again. It’s not, some of the translations say obedient, but it’s not hupakouo which means to be obedient, it’s to rank yourself under. So whether you’re talking about Ephesians, Colossians, 1 Peter, Titus, you’re going to get the same verb. The term is translated in Ephesians as submit as we saw in verse 21 in a general sense.

So the pattern here is that young women are to be husband lovers and children lovers. And the instruction is that which is consistent with God’s design for women to the degree that in 1 Timothy 5 Paul says if there are young widows, tell them to get married and fulfill this God-ordained and God-blessed privilege.

Then also, you can’t leave this out, they are to be workers at home…workers at home. What does that mean? That means what it says, workers at home, home workers. God must have written that for our day when millions and millions and millions of women are working mothers outside the home. Millions of them have young children. In fact, the statistics of the number of women who work outside the home and have children under three is staggering, it’s something like a third of all mothers with children under three work outside the home.

You wonder why there are delinquents? This is a very fascinating term, workers at home, oikourgos from ergo, to work; and oikos, home, work at home. Your task is at home. A woman’s task, a woman’s work, a woman’s employment, a woman’s calling is to be at home.

I mentioned 1 Timothy 5 and I think it’s verse 14, “I want younger widows,” of course implied here, but it touches then all women, “to get married, younger women, get married,” that’s where I got my introduction. Get married! Bear children! You hate this, Keep house! That’s what it says. Get married, bear children, keep house and give the enemy no cause, no occasion for reproach. A married woman is in a safer place, a more spiritually beneficial place, a more protected place. She must care for her husband; it’s a more selfless place. And she must care for her children and it’s again more selfless.

This isn’t hard to figure out. This is a divine principle. Abandoning children to work outside the home is a violation of Scripture. You say, “Well my kids aren’t home while I’m at work.” That’s not the point. That doesn’t change the obligation because they went to school. It’s the home that you prepare when they aren’t there that makes the home a home. If you arrive when they arrive and leave when they leave, it’s unlikely that the home will be the kind of home the children need. Working women contribute to lost children, delinquent children, children who have lack of proper understanding of God-ordained roles in the home, terrible decline, drugs. We don’t even talk about the working woman phenomenon of adultery and divorce. And for a woman to be the bread winner…you say, “Well our house payment requires two jobs, we both have to work.” Then get another house and have a family.

In fact, for men, 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “If anyone…meaning a man…doesn’t provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he’s denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” The point is the man is the provider and the protector and the security and the woman is there to care for the children and the home. Working outside removes her from under her husband and puts her under other men to whom she is forced to submit. And I’m just talking in very specific terms, as specific as Scripture, no more, no less. And I know in your mind you’re wondering, “Well what about this? And what about that? And what about this?”

Is there any room for doing something part-time, serving in a ministry? Of course, of course. When you read Proverbs 31 you know that that lady had all kinds of things going but the home was the base, the center and the focus of all of it. She’d go a long way to get food cheaper. She worked hard with her hands to make garments and things for her family, and also to provide for other people who had need. She was so enterprising she bought a field; she was doing real estate on the side. But it was all about the home and from the home and for the home.

And this is the standard that God has ordained. We’re a long way from it, aren’t we? Speaking of the Proverbs 31 woman, we can’t do this without at least looking at that passage for just a moment. “An excellent wife,” verse 10, “who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” And what is the first thing that makes her valuable? You can trust her. You can trust her with your money, you can trust her with your children, you can trust her with your possessions…listen…you can trust her with your reputation. You can trust in her purity, you can trust in her character. The heart of her husband trusts in her. She’ll have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She’s like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. I don’t think they had coupons in those days, but if they had, she would have had a little bag of those. And she’d go wherever she needed to to get the best price. She rises also while it is still night to prepare food for her household, portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it from her earnings plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and her arms are strong. She senses that her gain is good and her lamp doesn’t go out at night. She gets up before day break and she goes to bed after the sun has gone down, and it’s all for the family. She stretches out her hand to the distaff,” that’s weaving thread. Her hands grasp the spindle, she has to make her own cloth. She extends her generous hand to the poor, stretches out her hands to the needy. She’s not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her family are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself and her clothing is fine linen and purple. Yes, she adorns herself in a beautiful way and even with her children. Her husband is known in the gates and he’s known as her husband when he sits among the elders of the land.” She makes linen garments and sells them, supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing. She smiles at the future. Why? She’s prepared for it. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and doesn’t eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her. Her husband also and he praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.”

That’s what everyone would want in a marriage, right? Children who rise up and call you blessed, a husband who praises you. Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, she should be praised. Give her the product of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.

Enterprising, clever, energetic, compassionate, kind, works well with her hands, artistic, all those things are true of her. But the home is the focus of all of it. This is God’s design for women who are intended to be married and who are married.

So that is the matter of submission. Now the manner of submission. That is the matter of submission. Now the manner of submission as…back to Ephesians 5:22…as to the Lord…as to the Lord. Your husband stands to you in the place of Christ.

Do you remember that the Scripture says very simply that when you receive another believer, you receive Jesus Christ, Matthew 18? When another believer comes to you, you receive Christ in that believer. That is particularly true of a husband. The husband is Christ to a wife in a sense, a kind of a delegated authority. That’s why Sarah called Abraham Lord because God had delegated to Abraham authority. Your husband stands in the marriage and in the family in the place of Christ. That’s the highest point of reference. That is the manner of submission. How would you submit to Christ, that’s how you would submit to your husband because he is in that union, that Christian marriage, as Christ to you.

What about the motive for submission? The manner as to the Lord. The motive is in the next verse, “For the husband is the head of the wife.” For the husband is the head of the wife. That’s simply the illustration from the human anatomy. The head controls the body. The body submits to the head. Or you have uncontrollable behavior. When the body can’t pick up the signals from the brain, you know what results, disability…malfunction. And the home where the body, meaning the wife, does not submit to the head is chaotic. But this is how it is in the Fall, according to Genesis 3:16, the woman fights against that authority, remember that? She wants to lord it over her husband. And he fights to suppress that and that’s the conflict in a fallen relationship. That is overcome in Christ because now the woman sees her husband as the delegated authority in her life, delegated by Christ Himself. And she submits to him as head. Then there’s harmony, then there’s order. And there’s beauty in the relationship. So that’s the motive, because you are the body and he is the head.

What about the model? The model of this submission is given then in verse 23, as Christ is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. And as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. A wife is to be submissive to her husband, following the model of the church’s submission to Christ.

I really don’t think any Christian would argue that the church is to submit to Christ. Anybody want to argue that? You read through the Feminist literature that wants to overturn all of this, and you won’t find anybody, any evangelical, saying, “Well, the church doesn’t have to submit to Christ at all.” Well then if the church is to submit to Christ, then the wife is to submit to her husband because that’s what it uses as the analogy, the model. What kind of leadership does Christ give the church? Loving leadership, loving direction, protection, safety, security, strength, provision. And the church loves Him for all that He is and all that He provides.

He goes so far as to say he is the savior of the body, the church. The church submits itself to Him because He’s the Savior. He’s not the head in a dictatorial sense. He’s not the head in a domineering sense. He’s the head in a delivering sense, a rescuing sense, a protective sense. He’s the Savior and that’s the model that the husband and the wife must see. The wife submits to her husband not in the sense that he’s a dictator, not in the sense that he’s domineering, not in the sense that he’s authoritarian, but in the sense that he is the protector, the provider, the preserver, the Savior. I’ll save you from want…the husband says. I’ll save you from need. I’ll save you from danger. I’ll save you from illness. I’ll save you from disaster. I’m here to be your rescuer, your protector, your preserver, your savior.

So the Apostle Paul is saying that the wife must recognize that in the husband’s capacity as head, he is closely united to her in one flesh and he is deeply concerned about her needs, her relationship to him is as a believer’s relationship to Christ. She views him as her spiritual guardian, her spiritual protector, her source of safety and blessing and provision.

To extend it even more, Jesus is our Savior because He sacrificed Himself for us, right? And a woman should look at her husband and see one who would make any sacrifice for her well-being. That is what women are looking for and that is what men must offer.

So, wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. It is inclusive, only their husbands and exclusive, all that their husbands do to care for them and to protect them.

What if I have an unsaved husband? First Peter 3, same thing, “And you can win him in the grace of God by your chaste and pure behavior.

Now all of this goes back to the principle of chapter 5 verse 18 where we started, right? You say, “How can a husband be all that?” By being…what?...filled with the Spirit.How can a wife be all that? By being filled with the Spirit. This is what overthrows the curse.

Now, I know we’ve only talked about the wives and I think we’re probably going to spend at least two weeks on the husbands cause we need it.

Father, we thank You for our time tonight, it’s been just a wonderful day, all through. And we’re grateful for the provision You make for us that we call the bread of life because You called it that. We thank You for Your Word, it feeds our souls, it lifts us to heaven, pulls us out of the world, refreshes us. I do pray for this congregation. I pray for the people who are already married, already have children, that they may walk in the power of the spirit, be Spirit-filled and live this way as You’ve designed marriage and the family so that they can enjoy it to the max. I pray for the single people to find a partner and get married, have children and experience this pure grace of life. Bring people together for that soon that they may experience this wonderful blessing. And help us all to be obedient, not worrying so much the other, but being sure that we are the one that we should be, walking obediently in the power of the Holy Spirit, as we submit to the Word of God. Make us true and pure in our worship. May our love for Christ dominate us and then we’ll do what the Spirit would have us do. Thank You for healthy families in our church. Thank You for blessings on marriages. Thank You for what You’re going to continue do in the future in Christ’s name. Amen. Amen.

Posted with permission:
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Sermons/80-382

Wow! This was so good! He says it all so much better then I can!

Submissive Wives, Loving Husbands

Submissive Wives, Loving Husbands

Q. I would like to know the meaning of the man as head of household, and should a wife do whatever the husband tells her if he’s not faithful to God, drinks obsessively, has integrity issues, and squanders money?

A. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul described the marital relationship as it should be. Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything just as if they were doing it for the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, overlooking all their faults and placing their wives needs ahead of their own, even to the point of giving their very lives for the well being of their wives. (Ephes. 5:22-27)

In this way the marriage becomes a model of Christ and the Church. When one party fails to uphold his part of the bargain, in your case your husband, the model falls apart and it becomes very difficult for the other party, you. But the solution is not to cease doing your part. Remember you’re doing this for the Lord, not for your husband. If he’s not mature or responsible enough to do his part, then he’s in trouble with the Lord and the Lord will deal with him accordingly. As for you, remaining faithful to your obligations will please the Lord and he’ll bless you for it. In most cases He does this by bringing the errant husband to task.

Of course all this assumes that you’re both believers and your husband is 100% of the problem. Ask the Lord if any part of the responsibility lies with you, and if so make sure you address any issue He brings to your mind.

posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...ving-husbands/

Submissive Wife, Loving Husband

Q. I have observed that in many sermons and conferences concerning the roles of husbands and wives, Col.3:18 gets about 4 seconds and 3:19 gets expounded upon at length, with a thunderous “congregation clap” breaking out when the speaker finally concludes that the breakdown of Christian marriages would cease if only men would start 3:19ing it (or something like that).

I see the unwillingness of women to submit to their husbands as the number 1 cause of divorce. A person only has to watch TV for a few minutes to see that men are being portrayed as football watching idiots who need to be constantly corrected by their wives. I dare say that the church is complicit in this propaganda campaign.

I would like to hear from you about this – before I pick up a copy of that new book: “the woman driven church”

A. The Lord didn’t design marriage to be a win lose deal for either party, but if both do their part it works wonderfully. In your reference Col. 3:18 (Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord) is the woman’s part and Col. 3:19 (Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them) is the man’s. Just as a woman won’t want to submit to a man whose attitude is “I get two votes and you only get one,” neither will a man be comfortable giving himself up (that’s what the Greek word for love means) for a woman just to have her repeatedly take advantage of him.

A teacher who gives emphasis to the man’s responsibility over the woman’s, or vice versa, is compounding the problem rather than facilitating a solution and doing more harm than good. Both have to be 100% committed to their role in the marriage out of love for each other, and more importantly, out of love for the Lord, who is the third party in every Christian marriage.

posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...oving-husband/

Submissive Wife, Loving Husband

Q. I am hoping that you can help me to better understand a wife being submissive to her husband. I have been a Christian for 10 years now, but have never really gotten my brain wrapped around this particular truth. I have been married for 21 years, and to be really honest, am not sure of my husbands salvation. I want to honor the Lord in my marriage, and be honorable to my husband. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

A. The clearest model we have for this is Ephesians 5:22-28. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to the Lord (Ephes. 5:22-24). The Church seeks the Lord’s will in everything and follows His direction. So should a wife submit to her husband, seeking his will and direction for their lives.

The husband’s part is to love his wife as the Lord loves the Church (Ephes. 5:25-28). The Lord gave Himself up as an expression of His love for the Church, putting aside everything He was in order to elevate Her. He sees her as perfect, without any defect or shortcoming. This is the way a husband should regard his wife.

Both parties have to be committed to this ideal, but when a wife submits to her husband’s will and His will is to devote his life to loving her, everybody wins. And that’s what the Lord desires for us.

posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bible-teacher/submissive-wife-loving-husband-2/ 

The Submissive Wife

The Submissive Wife

By John MacArthur

Earlier this year, Mark Oden preached a controversial sermon to his congregation in southeast England. He titled his message “Marriage and Women,” which included a plea for the wives in his congregation to “submit to their husbands.” In the aftermath, some irate wives—along with their disgruntled husbands—vowed never to attend the church again. One female attender said she was disgusted by the message, adding: “How can they talk that way in the twenty-first century?” Another quipped, “What kind of medieval sermon is that?” Pastor Oden, himself a married father of three, responded, “I am passionate about helping people to have healthy marriages. I did not set out to unnecessarily offend people, but I stand by what God has said in His Word, the Bible.” That pastor’s passion to cultivate healthy marriages, coupled with his courage to present the truth is regrettably rare in many churches of our day, but the response of his audience is not.

For the July 2010 edition of Sojourners magazine, feminist scholar Anne Eggebroten wrote an article titled “The Persistence of Patriarchy,” in which she described her recent visit to Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California. Eggebroten was pleased with John MacArthur’s sermon and even commented on the kindness of the members who were eager to meet and greet her.What she was not pleased with was the church’s views on female roles within the home and church. With unconcealed resentment, she described Grace church as a place where “God is male, all the pastors, deacons, and elders are male, and women are taught to live in submission to men.” As Eggebroten’s article progresses, one gets the impression she visited the church looking for sad, dejected women who begrudgingly accepted their role in the home. If that’s the case, she came to the wrong place—as her article demonstrates. After talking with several joyfully submissive wives in the reception area, she became frantic to escape—at least that’s what it sounds like. She writes, “It’s time to get out of here, I tell myself. I’m feeling tense, as if I might cry or launch into a diatribe.” She finished her rant by quoting a barrage of other liberal feminist “Bible scholars” who, through agenda-driven interpretations, heap contempt on God’s Word by claiming the church is mistaken in its understanding of what St. Paul really meant. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

A multitude of other current examples could be listed, all demonstrating the same thing—the issue of authority and submission in the home is not appealing to our fallen culture. Society has been victimized by a godless, Christless, non-biblical philosophy of living perpetrated through the centuries and energized by Satan himself.

What we’re seeing in our day was also true of the philosophy behind the French Revolution, which was a humanistic, egalitarian approach to life. The French believed they could have a society with absolute equality—a classless, godless type of humanistic existence. That atheistic mindset now dominates Western civilization: no sexes, no distinctions, no authority, no submission, and no humility. And rather than reject that philosophy, many churches often reflect it, falling prey to the lies of our age. Much like the angry multitude in Psalm 2 who defied the Godhead, we live in the midst of a godless society that sees God’s divine order for life and family and cries out, “Let us tear their fetters apart and cast away their cords from us!” The world views God’s design for the family—and women—as a threat, and much like Anne Eggebroten and her liberal friends, it seeks to redefine and overthrow that design altogether.

That brings us back to Ephesians, and the most important portion of this post—what does God say about women’s roles in the home? After all, He created the family, designed woman, and established her roles and relationships within the family. If God is the engineer, we’d better stick to His plans. What are they?

After making a statement about mutual submission in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21), Paul proceeds to answer an important question: How can we submit to one another in the context of a family, while still recognizing the God-ordained roles of headship and authority? Beginning with Ephesians 5:22, Paul answers that question. Remember, he came to the idea of submission because that’s what epitomized the character of the person who is truly Spirit filled. Then he outlined how mutual submission should work in a family.

Paul’s instructions for family life in Ephesians cover several verses, beginning with 5:22 and running through 6:4. He was writing under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, of course, so this was not merely the apostle’s private opinion (2 Pet. 1:21-21). God Himself inspired the very words of the text, including the order. Paul spoke here to wives first, then husbands, children, and parents.

The admonition to wives is simple, covering just three verses: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).

Several key ideas in that text are worth pointing out immediately. First, the word translated “submit” doesn’t actually appear in the Greek text of verse 22. The idea is clearly implied, however, from the command of verse 21, which instructs all believers to submit to one another. Remember, wives aren‘t being singled out and consigned to a second-rate status. There’s a sense in which everyone in the family must submit to everyone else. Verse 22 simply begins a practical explanation of how wives ought to demonstrate their submission.

Second, notice that Paul started and ended this short section by specifying whom wives should submit to: “their own husbands” (v. 24). Women as a group are not made serfs to men in general, and men aren’t automatically elevated to a ruling class over all women. But Scripture calls each woman to submit in particular to her own husband’s headship. In other words, the family itself is the primary arena in which a godly woman is to cultivate and demonstrate the attitude of humility, service, and sacrifice called for in verse 21.

Third, the command is general and sweeping. It’s not limited to wives whose husbands are fulfilling their function. It’s not addressed only to wives with children, wives of church leaders, or even wives whose husbands are faithful believers. It’s categorical and unconditional: wives. Anyone who fits that classification is obligated to obey the command of this verse by submitting to her own husband.

What, precisely, does this command require? The Greek word for “submit” (hupotasso) means “to line up under.” It has the idea of placing oneself in a rank lower than someone else, but in no way does it imply any essential inferiority. Nor does it demote the wife to a second-class status in the home or marriage. It speaks of a functional ranking, not an inferiority of essence.

Notice also that the word submit is not the word obey. What it calls for is an active, deliberate, loving, intelligent devotion to the husband’s noble aspirations and ambitions. It does not demand blind, fawning, slavish kowtowing to his every whim. The Greek word for “obey” would be hupakouo, and that is what Paul demanded of children in Ephesians 6:1 and slaves in 6:5. But a wife is neither a child nor a slave, waiting on her husband while he sits in an easy chair and issues commands (“Hand me the remote!” “Get me something to drink!” “Fix me a snack!” Fetch my slippers!”). Marriage is a much more personal and intimate relationship than that. It’s a union, a partnership, a singular mutual devotion, and that truth is emphasized by the words “your own husband.”

The expression itself suggests a tender partnership and mutual belonging to one another. Why wouldn’t a wife willingly respond in submission to one whom she possesses? Paul was subtly pointing out the reasonableness and the desirability of the wife’s submission to her husband.

This is a role that God Himself ordained for wives. In Genesis 3:16, God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” On the one hand, marriage is the perfect union of two people who become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). On the other hand, God has clearly ordained that the husband should be head in that relationship. For the sake of unity and workability, the woman is to be subject to the leadership of her husband—not as a slave but as one who is provided for, cared for, and made secure by her husband. It does not have nearly as much to do with what she does for him as what he is responsible to do for her.

Even nature seems to affirm the proper order. Men normally have the advantage of greater physical and emotional strength, while women usually have a more tenderhearted strength and character that equip them to be a support and encouragement—helpers suitable to their husbands.

We find a parallel passage in Colossians 3:18, where Paul also instructed wives to submit to their own husbands. But there he added a brief phrase that sheds light on why this command is so important: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (italics added). The word translated “fitting” means “seemly, proper, or right.” It is an expression commonly used of something that is legally or morally binding. Paul seems to be pointing out that the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife are an accepted law of virtually all human society. (That has certainly been the case in most societies for the vast majority of human history, and it was most definitely true in Paul’s time.) Paul was suggesting that it is “fitting”—and recognized as such throughout the history of human culture—because it is the divine order. It is “fitting in the Lord.” This is a very strong expression about the propriety of the husband’s headship.

Scripture is both clear and consistent. Every time the Bible speaks about the role of the wife, the emphasis is exactly the same. This is not some chauvinistic private opinion of the apostle Paul, as some have suggested. Nor is it an unclear principle that’s only vaguely suggested in Scripture. Every passage that touches on the subject of the wife’s role says essentially the same thing (1 Pet. 3:1-2; Titus 2:3-5).

Of course, if every husband loved his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), there presumably would be less resistance to the biblical teaching on the role of wives. But some husbands, rather than presenting a Christlike model of leadership to which their wives joyfully submit, instead play the part of an idle tyrant. Unbelief, anger, passivity, abuse, ridicule, laziness—all those sinful attitudes cause many wives to question God’s charge to submit. But God’s Word answers with stunning clarity. We’ll take a look at that next time.

In the meantime, here’s a question for the discussion thread: What barriers prevent wives from seeing the beauty of submitting to their husbands?

posted with permission
http://www.gty.org/Blog/B100825

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