The Willful Submission of a Christian Wife
Sermon by John MacArthur
Ephesians 5:22–24 (NIV) —
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is
the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of
which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so
also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Now I want you to open the Word of God this evening, to the fifth
chapter of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians and those of you who have been
with us on Sunday nights know we’ve been looking at this chapter in
light of our series on the Holy Spirit and with particular interest in
looking at being filled with the Holy Spirit in Ephesians 5:18 (NIV) — Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit..
Following verse 18 are all the effects of being filled with the Spirit or under the Spirit’s control. Ephesians 5:19–21 (NIV) — Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
And we started into that and went down essentially as far as verse 20
and we’re going to pick it up and go all the way into the sixth chapter
as we begin a series on the divine standard for marriage and the
family. We’re going to be talking about husbands, wives, parents,
children, all the way down to verse 4 of chapter 6. And there’s a
subsequent passage about employers and employees under the biblical term
of slave and master.
So, over the next few weeks, with a little bit of a break as we have the
Shepherds Conference and don’t have a Sunday evening service, this is
going to be our theme. Now, I’d like to make a sort of initial
suggestion that this discussion of marriage and the family has its most
significant application to people who are married. Okay? Some of you
don’t qualify and you need to get married. So my opening word is, if
you’re not married, get married. This is the grace of life. This is
God’s best gift. If you haven’t found someone willing to marry you, ramp
up the intensity of your effort. Get married. And if you are married,
have children. This is God’s wonderful gift.
Now there are some people who have a gift for singleness that means a
spiritual--unique spiritual capacity to remain single for the purpose of
serving the Lord. Unless you have that gift and it’s clearly defined
for you, by no desire at all for marriage, then you need to be married. I
don’t need to remind in biblical times people were married by the time
they were fifteen or sixteen, some of you are way overdue. Get
married. Many of you are focused on pursuing a career, pursue a spouse.
This is a very good place to find one because we have a huge number of
single people who need to be married…they need to be married, for
every reason that you can think of, but mostly for the reason that this
is a gift of God called the grace of life.
I’m not sure why in this particular Christian culture in which we live
that we are prone to follow the habits of the world and remain single
for long periods of time, but that is a worldly kind of life, taking
people who should be married and having them try to survive as single
people when they are wired, hard wired and even given the opportunity by
God to be married. Stop waiting for the Messiah, ladies. He came and
went. Settle for somebody less. And, men, stop looking for the Proverbs
31 woman. That is an ideal to which women aspire. And the truth of the
matter is, find another Holy Spirit-led, loving Christian and get
married.
Now on that basis, you can listen to what I’m going to say because if
you’re not married, you’re going to be getting married. And if you’re
married and you haven’t had children and the Lord enables you, you’re
going to be having children, so this is all very urgent for you.
I’m asking you to do something very foundational and you laugh because
it sounds humorous. But there’s so much truth in that that we have a
society of people who way over exaggerate singleness, who way over
extend singleness and make it very difficult on themselves and develop
habits of singleness that make it harder to come together with another
person because the groove keeps getting deeper and deeper out of which
you have to get yourself and to walk together with someone in unity and
love. Your singleness should be as short as possible. Marriage as
quickly as possible. And once you’ve picked the right one, engagement as
brief as possible.
And all of this, of course, is against the grain of our culture. I’ve
been around long enough to know that people used to get married in their
late teens and early twenties. That was the norm. And now the society
perpetuates singleness out of its own selfish preoccupations and it’s
fraught with all kinds of things, not the least of which is immoral
behavior. And we are living in time when way too many people are single
and single because they are selfish and because either no one can live
with them in their selfishness or they’re not willing to give someone
else the opportunity to intrude into their agenda.
We are watching the death of marriage.
And you could say while we’re watching the death of marriage because
of divorce and you would be right. Or you could say we’re watching the
death of marriage because of homosexuality and you would be right. And
we’re watching the death of true marriage because we’re watching the
rise of homo-sexual marriage, and you would be right. You could say
we’re watching the death of the family because of sterilization,
abortion. But we’re also watching the death of
the family because of an over-extended, preoccupation with selfish
desires and personal agendas that push people into some perpetual
singleness.
I suppose if I had my way I would just line up all the single girls on
one side and all the single guys on the other said and say, “Pick one
and let’s have a wedding.” But I’m not a matchmaker. I can only give you
a general perspective that it gets harder and harder for some people
the longer they perpetuate their singleness, to give themselves to
another person. Now there are exceptions to that. The Lord may keep a
person for many of years…many years into their thirties and later
because there is a person that God has designed for them. But for a
general trend, when you reach the age for marriage, then you need to ask
the Lord to make you the kind of person you should be so that you’ll
recognize the one that the Lord draws into your path.
We have a disastrous matter in our culture and that is the destruction
of the family and people running around alone or divorced or in abusive
relationships and the family is being lost to us. And all of these are
presented as if they are alternate life styles that have as much merit
as marriage and the family. But God has designed that through well-ordered families, righteousness would be passed from one generation to the next.
There’s no way for the world to fix these problems, they aid and abet
these problems. The world is fine with divorce. Divorce, no-fault
divorce, any time for any reason, the world is fine with homosexuality,
they advocate it. The world champion single isolated kind of
self-centeredness and serial kinds of partners, all of this the world
aids and abets and the church must rise up and stand for the wonder and
the beauty and the joy and the fulfillment of marriage and the purity
of marriage. It is such a noble union that it pictures the union
between Christ and His church.
We’re going to look at marriage here in Ephesians chapter 5 together
over a few Sunday nights, as I said. But beginning this little series,
we draw our attention to chapter 5 verse 18 because here is the
foundation. “Be filled with the Spirit.” Be being kept with the Holy Spirit. We’ve already talked about that. We know what that means, it means to be under the control of the Holy Spirit,
to be moved along by the Holy Spirit. It’s not a glass-filled, because
that’s a static kind of filling. It’s a sail filled because that’s in
motion and that’s this kind of filling. Be born along, moved along,
carried along by the Holy Spirit. That is essential to Christian living.
And then we see what Spirit-filled people do.
They speak to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. In
other words, they worship. Spirit-filled people worship. Verse 20, they
give thanks. Their lives are marked by thankfulness.
And then in Ephesians 5:21 (NIV) — Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.,
and this is what triggers the rest of the section, they submit…they
submit. You could break these things down singing is a personal
expression of joy for what’s going on in one’s own life by the working
of the Holy Spirit, “saying thanks” is directed at God and “submitting”
is directed at others. So, self is involved in the Spirit-filled life
and out of one’s own heart comes praise. And thanks is involved in a
Spirit-filled life directed toward God and submission, verse 21. And I
want you to notice that because it’s a very important spiritual concept,
“Be subject, or submissive, to one another in the fear of Christ.”
In other words, if you reverence Christ, if you
are in awe of Christ, if you desire to honor and please Him, then be a
submissive person…a submissive person. As general characteristic, we are to be submissive. Spirit-filled people are submissive.
That is to say, they are not dominating, they are not proud, they are
not self-willed. They do not live by their own agenda which is, of
course, the way people in our culture and our society today live. We
have sown the seeds of a self-esteem psychology and we have reaped a
harvest of pride, overwhelming pride, personal pride,
self-glorification, self-will, domination of the environment by one’s
own person and plans. But Spirit-filled people are submissive by the
work of the Holy Spirit.
The word here for “subject,” or “submit” is hupotasso, it’s a Greek
verb, hupotasso, it’s compounded. It means…tasso means to arrange, to
place in order, and hupo is under. It’s a military term, it means to
place yourself under, to rank yourself under. That’s what it means in
the military sense. It is to rank yourself under those in authority over
you, under those who have responsibility for you, to be under someone.
As a general principle as Christians, we are to live lives of
submission. This is so clearly the general principle of Christian living
that it is referred to many times in particular in the New Testament.
But perhaps as clear a section as there is Philippians 2. In Philippians 2 we read in verse 1, we’ll just pick it up at verse 1, “If there’s any encouragement in Christ, any consolation of love, any fellowship of the Spirit, any affection and compassion—talking about mutually among believers—make
my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love,
loving everybody the same, thinking the same things, united in Spirit,
intent on one purpose.”
How in the world can you do that? How can you get along so completely with others? “Do
nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind,
regard one another as more important than yourselves. Do not merely
look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of
others.” That is the soul of submission. It is humility. It
is being unselfish, having no conceit but with humility of mind,
considering others as more important than yourselves. Not looking out
for your own interests, but the interests of others. That is a spiritual
grace that is produced by the Holy Spirit. If there is any fellowship
of the Spirit, any real fellowship of the Spirit, this then will
appear. And—by the way—the greatest illustration of this is Christ
Himself. You are to have this attitude of humble submission in
yourselves, verse 5, which was also in
Christ Jesus who although He existed in the form of God didn’t regard
equality with God a thing to be grasped, held onto, but emptied
Himself, taking the form of a slave and being made in the likeness of
man, found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming
obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross.”
This is what it means to be submissive, to be humble, to look not on
your own things but the things of others. That broad command is also
repeated in 1 Corinthians 16:16, “You also be in subjection to such men and to everyone who helps in the work and labors.”
In other words, the Apostle Paul instructs the Corinthians as a matter
of life to submit themselves to all who labor in the work of the
Kingdom. Be submissive is a general way of life. In Hebrews 13:17
we are commanded to be submissive to those who are over us in the
Lord, those who watch for our souls, those who must give an account for
us to God. Obey your leaders, it says, and submit to them.
First Peter 2 and verse 13 says, “Submit to the authority of the government,” whatever institution there is. First Peter 5:5, “Submit to the elders and pastors.” So this attitude of submission just as pervasive in Christian living. And a Spirit-filled person will be humbly submissive.
I really think this is the grace that most women are looking for in a man. You say, “Wait a minute, aren’t men supposed to be the authority in a relationship?” Yes, but it is a submissive kind of authority,
and we’re going to talk about that. I think most women are looking for
a humble man, selfless man, a man who is not preoccupied with his own
agenda and his own needs and his own expression and his own will, and
his own plans. And I know most men are looking for the same in a woman,
humbly submissive. And that submission can be seen in the grace of
humility and in the way we respond to one another who serve the Lord as
well as to those who are over us in the Lord.
It is this submissive attitude that makes a marriage work.
I don’t have any question about the fact that I’m supposed to be the
head of Patricia, my wife. She doesn’t have any restraints placed upon
her by that, that in and of itself are abusive or harsh, but I
understand that while I have authority over her given to me from God, I
am also commanded to be submissive to her in every area of her needs.
Sometimes when people say to me, “What’s the key to a good marriage?
What’s the key to a marriage full of joy and blessing?” And I’ll tell
you what it is in a very simple sentence. And this is my objective in
dealing with the wife that I adore; it is simply this, “Whatever will
bring her joy and be to her benefit, I will submit to do, happily,
because all I want is her joy and spiritual benefit.” It’s that
simple. It’s not complicated. It’s not brain surgery. Do I always
achieve that end? Ask her, she will tell you no. But do I always desire
to achieve that end? Of course. I submit to her joy, to her
fulfillment, to what blesses her and encourages her and exercise my
leadership in that way.
The same would be true as a father. Do I have authority over my
children? Yes. Am I responsible to God for the leadership of my
children? Yes. But because I love my children, whatever would be to
their joy and their fulfillment and their happiness, and their spiritual
benefit, I can’t do it fast enough. So this is a kind of submission
that is really pervasive through all relationships whether you have the
role of being the head or not.
This is foundational to everything. Everybody submits at some
level. We all submit to each other. We all submit to the elders. We all
submit to the government. As wives, you submit to your husbands. As
husbands, there’s a way in which you submit to your wives. Children
submit to parents, but parents also submit to children. It’s mutual.
There is a kind of submission, a spiritual care that characterizes all
of us in all our relationships. I think about it as a pastor, I’ve been
given a responsibility over you in the Lord. What does that mean? Does
that mean I conduct myself like Jim Jones and we all end up drinking
the Kool Aid? No. What it means is, I’m accountable before God, I have
to give an account, Hebrews 13:17. I
have to give an account to God for my care for you and my authority
over you must take respect for your particular and unique needs. It
is a kind of authority that has at its heart care which means
compassion and submission to the things that are needful in your life.
Now this doesn’t mean we don’t have leaders. We do. They are responsible
to lead but with an attitude of submission. You understand? That’s how
it functions and how it operates. So we’re going to talk about each of
these relationships from the perspective that it’s all a kind of
submission. It’s all a kind of submission. Everybody’s in the pecking
order, even leaders, you know, you follow the leaders who are your
pastors, but we follow Christ. Everybody’s in the order of God’s design.
A wife follows the lead of her husband. But her husband is under the
authority of the elders of the church and they’re under the authority of
Christ. And so it goes. All of us submit to one another. And this is a
beautiful kind of thing, just in the experience of believers alone.
And I am convinced that this…this is the evidence of the work of the
Holy Spirit in a very remarkable way. The most, I guess the most
important spiritual attribute that believers have in the assembly of
God in the church is humility because apart from humility, we would
have chaos, we would have absolute chaos. And when I look at our church
and I see the loving unity among the leaders and the pastors and the
elders and the congregation, I see that submission working in our
congregation. It’s a wonderful thing to see.
All right, having established that overarching principle of submission,
let’s look at chapter 5 and start with the wives…we’re going to start
with the wives. And yes, we will get to the husbands, but I want to
start where the text starts and here we read in verse 22, let me read
you what the original says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.
Did you notice the word“be subject”is in italics? That’s because it isn’t in the original. It isn’t in the original. It doesn’t say, first of all, obey your husbands. It’s not that kind of a relationship. It has already established mutual submission and then it gives you the first illustration. “Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.” This
is the first illustration of submission, the relationship that a wife
has to her husband. But it doesn’t say obey your husband because this
relationship is more intimate, more inward and that is, I think,
indicated here by the personal pronoun, “Wives to your own husbands.”
Not to every man, not to any man, but to your own husbands. This has
nothing to do with the spiritual inferiority, nothing at all to do with
spiritual inferiority, there is no inferiority among believers between
men and women…none at all. Paul says in Galatians 3:28, “In Christ there is neither male nor female.”
Neither male nor female. We’re not talking about spiritual things
here, we’re simply talking about divinely established categories of
responsibility. And God is even fabricated us to fit those categories.
For the sake of fulfilling God’s design, the woman is commanded to be
subject to her own husband as unto the Lord.
Nobody would argue that a woman needs to be submissive to the Lord. We
confess Jesus as Lord when we come to Christ. Well it’s a kind of
relationship we have to our husband that is also like that. He is Lord
in a very real sense, and we’re going to see that in just a moment.
Now I told you that the word submitting is not in verse 22, but just to be fair about that, in Colossians 3:18 you have a parallel verse and the word “submission” is there, “Wives, be subject to your husbands.” And
the reason it’s there is because there’s not a parallel to verse 21,
there’s no comment about submission at all, so it has to be introduced
in verse 18 which is why they put it in over here in the book of
Ephesians. Be submissive or subject to your husbands and then Colossians
3:18, it says, “As is fitting in the Lord.” In Ephesians it says “as to the Lord.” In Colossians it says, “As is fitting to the Lord.”
Aneko, a word that means seemly, appropriate, correct, the right thing.
It could even mean legally binding, that’s a usage that we find in the
Greek Old Testament. It is fitting. It is not a cultural issue. It is not a transient issue. It is not a temporary issue.
A woman is to be submissive to her husband because it is fitting, it
is appropriate, it is correct, it is legally binding, it suits the
created order of God.
The headship of man is tied to man’s physicality. He is stronger. He is
more aggressive. He is constitutionally designed by God to work for, to
protect, to provide for, to secure his wife who is identified in
Scripture as the weaker vessel, not weaker spiritually, not weaker
intellectually, not weaker morally, but weaker in general constitution.
God designed men to be the breadwinners, the workers, the protectors,
the providers, the security for their wives. And that is obvious to
anybody with an open mind. It is obligatory then and it is connected to
divine design for a woman to be submissive to her husband.
To expand on that a little bit, and I said I was going to do this and I will. Turn to 1 Peter 3…1 Peter 3.
This is such a rich portion of Scripture and I know many of you are
familiar with it but we need to look at it because it says essentially
the same thing. Verse 1 of 1 Peter 3, “In the same way, you wives be submissive to your husbands.” In
the same way as what? In the same way as sheep are submissive to the
leadership of the Great Shepherd. That’s how chapter 2 ends. In the same
way that you submit to the Great Shepherd, so wives…and again that’s
what Paul said in Ephesians, as to the Lord, it’s the parallel, “Be submissive to your own husbands.”
There again is the personal pronoun. Not all men, not everybody’s husband, but yours. And by the way, the word “submissive” is the same word, hupotasso, to rank yourself under. And in this case, you do it even with an unbelieving husband because this is the divine plan,
so that if even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may
be won without a Word by the behavior of their wives as they observe
your pure and respectful behavior. You want to evangelize your unconverted husband? Be submissive…be
submissive. Your adornment, it’s not about external things, braiding,
or plaiting the hair which was some kind of weaving it with gold in it,
a very fancy thing, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses.
Look, that’s not wrong to do that. God has called us to make the most
out of our fallenness. And there’s a beauty in adornment, we see that in
the Song of Solomon. But your adornment must not be merely external.
In fact, that’s not going to do it with your husband. You’re going to
win your husband another way. Verse 4, “Let
it be the hidden person of the heart. The imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God.”
You don’t want to adorn yourself with perishable things. You want to
adorn yourself with imperishable things. You don’t want to adorn
yourself only on the outside…yes on the outside, but not only on the
outside but on the inside. You want your beauty not just to be seen by
your husband but you want your beauty to be seen by God. This is the
true beauty and it has great value. It is this kind of beauty that can
win your husband.
It has always been the standard. Verse 5, “In
this way in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to
adorn themselves from the inside, being submissive to their own
husbands.” This is unmistakable. This is unmistakable. Any effort to overthrow this is an attack on God and on the divine order, which, of course, is what Feminism in all of its elements is, an outright attack on God. Holy women have always done this. Holy
women, women who hoped in God, this means redeemed women, this is how
they’ve always adorned themselves by being submissive to their husband. Illustration: Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.
Now don’t get carried away, men. Please. But you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
You shouldn’t be afraid to submit to your husband. It takes all the
terror out of the relationship because it brings peace to the
relationship. And by this quiet, gentle spirit, you can win an
unconverted husband. This is God’s design.
Now I want to show you another portion of Scripture, this one may also
be familiar to you. First Corinthians chapter 11, 1 Corinthians chapter
11 and this is a very interesting portion of Scripture. I’m not going
to dig down into it, I’ve covered it, you can read the notes in the
Study Bible and it covers the details of it. You can read the
commentary on 1 Corinthians and it’s even more detailed there. But I
just want you to get a sense of what this passage says, so let me read,
starting in verse 3, “I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman.”
And I want to just stop there and say, head is a very important term, kephale
in the Greek, kephale. There are people who say, Feminists who say
that that doesn’t mean authority, it does not mean authority. It means
origin, they say, or source. That it’s going back to creation and
saying that since woman was taken out of the side of man, man is the
source of woman.
Listen, Wayne Grudem did a study of the word kephale in the history of the Greek language. And every time it doesn’t speak of a specific task, like the head waiter, every time it is used in terms of relationship, it always means authority…always. It never means anything else, certainly not origin.
So, Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of the woman
and God is the head of Christ. God exercises His rule over Christ in
His humiliation and incarnation. Christ exercises His authority and rule
over us and men the same over women.
And then he goes in to illustrating this, “Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head.” Apparently
in that culture women wore covering on their head as a sign of their
submission. That’s been true for centuries in ancient times and some
places even today. In the Arab world women are still covered as a sign
of their submission. So for a man to put on something that covered his
head would be to disgrace his head because in that culture, women did
that, men didn’t do that. They didn’t put a scarf on their head the way
women have done. You know, the Jews got this a little bit confused and
you have men today that wear a little cap on their heads because of a
misinterpretation of Old Testament Scripture.
On the other hand, every woman who has her head uncovered, and there
were two kinds of women in ancient times that did that, protesting women
and prostituting women, Feminists and harlots, they had a Feminist
Movement back in Corinth, when women uncover their heads, that is
equally wrong and some in the church must have been doing it. They were
uncovering their heads while praying or speaking and it disgraced them
to do that. It would just be like someone with a shaved head. And we
know from history that women who were Feminists shaved their heads as a
protest.
“If a woman doesn’t cover her head, let
her also have her hair cut off. But it is disgraceful for a woman to
have her hair cut off, or her head shaved, let her cover her head.” In
other words, the ultimate disgrace would be to shave your head, but
it’s also a disgrace to take the covering off in that society, so leave
the covering on. And he goes on to talk about that further.
Verse 11, we can pick it up there…well; verse 10, The woman has a symbol
of authority on her head and because of the angels? Yes, the angels
want to see the woman in submission because that’s God’s design and they
want God’s will done. In the Lord, neither is woman independent of
man, nor is man independent of a woman. In other words, there’s a
mutual relationship that they share. There’s that mutual submission.
But there is nonetheless the authority. The woman originates from the
man, the man has his birth through the woman and all things originate
from God. While there is mutuality and God is over all, and while we
have authority over the woman, we come from a woman, which speaks of
our mutuality. Nonetheless the man is the head of the woman as Christ
is the head of the man and God is the head of Christ. That’s enough out
of that passage, as I said, if you want a lot more detail, there’s
more to be found in other sources.
Now I want you to look at Titus because I want to give you the complete
picture. Titus chapter 2, this is an emphatic statement that will
broaden a little bit our understanding of what it means to submit to the
man, or the husband. A very relevant passage.
In Titus chapter 2, Titus is giving instruction on relationships in the
church. He talks about older men, older women, younger men, younger
women, and that’s the theme in this second chapter. Talks about slaves
and how they submit to their masters. So it’s about those relationships,
very much like Colossians and Ephesians. But notice in verse 3, “Older women are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good.”
Okay, now women are to teach. They’re to teach what is good. And just
exactly what does that refer to? It refers to encouraging the young
women, the next generation, to love their husbands…to love their
children, to be sensible, pure…and then this, “Workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands.” And what’s at stake? “So that the Word of God will not be dishonored.”
A generation of so-called Christian women who take a Feminist
approach and reject the calling of God to be subject to their own
husbands and to love their children and be keepers at home, undermine
the Word of God. They undermine the Scripture. They say
to the world, “Not all of it matters. And if not all of it matters,
then you can pick and choose what to reject, and the Word of God is
undermined.”
Now let’s just pick out a couple of things here, out of all of this.
Older women, mature women, godly women, reverent women are to encourage
young women to love their husbands, philandros, husband lovers,
encourage them to be husband lovers, to love their husbands and to be
children lovers, philoteknos and philondros, husband lovers, children
lovers, one word in the Greek…one word.
And then beyond that, to be subject to their own husbands. Here the word
is an interesting word, to be really submissive in the sense that you
line up under again. It’s not, some of the translations say obedient,
but it’s not hupakouo which means to be obedient, it’s to rank yourself
under. So whether you’re talking about Ephesians, Colossians, 1 Peter,
Titus, you’re going to get the same verb. The term is translated in
Ephesians as submit as we saw in verse 21 in a general sense.
So the pattern here is that young women are to be husband lovers and
children lovers. And the instruction is that which is consistent with
God’s design for women to the degree that in 1 Timothy 5 Paul says if there are young widows, tell them to get married and fulfill this God-ordained and God-blessed privilege.
Then also, you can’t leave this out, they are to be workers at
home…workers at home. What does that mean? That means what it says,
workers at home, home workers. God must have written that for our day
when millions and millions and millions of women are working mothers
outside the home. Millions of them have young children. In fact, the
statistics of the number of women who work outside the home and have
children under three is staggering, it’s something like a third of all
mothers with children under three work outside the home.
You wonder why there are delinquents? This is a very fascinating term,
workers at home, oikourgos from ergo, to work; and oikos, home, work at
home. Your task is at home. A woman’s task, a woman’s work, a woman’s employment, a woman’s calling is to be at home.
I mentioned 1 Timothy 5 and I think it’s verse 14, “I want younger widows,” of course implied here, but it touches then all women, “to get married, younger women, get married,”
that’s where I got my introduction. Get married! Bear children! You
hate this, Keep house! That’s what it says. Get married, bear children,
keep house and give the enemy no cause, no occasion for reproach. A
married woman is in a safer place, a more spiritually beneficial place, a
more protected place. She must care for her husband; it’s a more
selfless place. And she must care for her children and it’s again more
selfless.
This isn’t hard to figure out. This is a divine principle. Abandoning children to work outside the home is a violation of Scripture. You say, “Well my kids aren’t home while I’m at work.”
That’s not the point. That doesn’t change the obligation because they
went to school. It’s the home that you prepare when they aren’t there
that makes the home a home. If you arrive when they arrive and leave
when they leave, it’s unlikely that the home will be the kind of home
the children need. Working women contribute to lost children, delinquent
children, children who have lack of proper understanding of
God-ordained roles in the home, terrible decline, drugs. We don’t even
talk about the working woman phenomenon of adultery and divorce. And for
a woman to be the bread winner…you say, “Well our house payment requires two jobs, we both have to work.” Then get another house and have a family.
In fact, for men, 1 Timothy 5:8 says,
“If anyone…meaning a man…doesn’t provide for his own, especially for
those of his household, he’s denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever.” The
point is the man is the provider and the protector and the security
and the woman is there to care for the children and the home. Working
outside removes her from under her husband and puts her under other
men to whom she is forced to submit. And I’m just talking in very
specific terms, as specific as Scripture, no more, no less. And I know
in your mind you’re wondering, “Well what about this? And what about
that? And what about this?”
Is there any room for doing something part-time, serving in a ministry? Of course, of course. When you read Proverbs 31
you know that that lady had all kinds of things going but the home was
the base, the center and the focus of all of it. She’d go a long way
to get food cheaper. She worked hard with her hands to make garments
and things for her family, and also to provide for other people who had
need. She was so enterprising she bought a field; she was doing real
estate on the side. But it was all about the home and from the home and
for the home.
And this is the standard that God has ordained. We’re a long way from it, aren’t we? Speaking of the Proverbs 31 woman, we can’t do this without at least looking at that passage for just a moment. “An excellent wife,” verse 10, “who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” And
what is the first thing that makes her valuable? You can trust her.
You can trust her with your money, you can trust her with your
children, you can trust her with your possessions…listen…you can trust
her with your reputation. You can trust in her purity, you can trust in
her character. The heart of her husband trusts in her. She’ll
have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of
her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in
delight. She’s like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.
I don’t think they had coupons in those days, but if they had, she
would have had a little bag of those. And she’d go wherever she needed
to to get the best price. She rises also
while it is still night to prepare food for her household, portions to
her maidens. She considers a field and buys it from her earnings plants a
vineyard. She girds herself with strength and her arms are strong. She
senses that her gain is good and her lamp doesn’t go out at night. She gets up before day break and she goes to bed after the sun has gone down, and it’s all for the family. She stretches out her hand to the distaff,” that’s weaving thread. Her hands grasp the spindle, she has to make her own cloth. She
extends her generous hand to the poor, stretches out her hands to the
needy. She’s not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her
family are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself and her
clothing is fine linen and purple. Yes, she adorns herself in a beautiful way and even with her children. Her
husband is known in the gates and he’s known as her husband when he
sits among the elders of the land.” She makes linen garments and sells
them, supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her
clothing. She smiles at the future. Why? She’s prepared for it. She
opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her
tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and doesn’t eat the
bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her. Her husband also
and he praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you
excel them all.”
That’s what everyone would want in a marriage, right? Children who rise up and call you blessed, a husband who praises you. Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, she should be praised. Give her the product of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.
Enterprising, clever, energetic, compassionate, kind, works well with
her hands, artistic, all those things are true of her. But the home is
the focus of all of it. This is God’s design for women who are intended to be married and who are married.
So that is the matter of submission. Now the manner of submission. That
is the matter of submission. Now the manner of submission as…back to Ephesians 5:22…as to the Lord…as to the Lord. Your husband stands to you in the place of Christ.
Do you remember that the Scripture says very simply that when you receive another believer, you receive Jesus Christ, Matthew 18?
When another believer comes to you, you receive Christ in that
believer. That is particularly true of a husband. The husband is Christ
to a wife in a sense, a kind of a delegated authority. That’s why
Sarah called Abraham Lord because God had delegated to Abraham
authority. Your husband stands in the marriage and in the family in the
place of Christ. That’s the highest point of reference. That is the
manner of submission. How would you submit to Christ, that’s how you
would submit to your husband because he is in that union, that
Christian marriage, as Christ to you.
What about the motive for submission? The manner as to the Lord. The motive is in the next verse, “For the husband is the head of the wife.”
For the husband is the head of the wife. That’s simply the
illustration from the human anatomy. The head controls the body. The
body submits to the head. Or you have uncontrollable behavior. When the
body can’t pick up the signals from the brain, you know what results,
disability…malfunction. And the home where the body, meaning the wife,
does not submit to the head is chaotic. But this is how it is in the
Fall, according to Genesis 3:16,
the woman fights against that authority, remember that? She wants to
lord it over her husband. And he fights to suppress that and that’s the
conflict in a fallen relationship. That is overcome in Christ
because now the woman sees her husband as the delegated authority in
her life, delegated by Christ Himself. And she submits to him as head.
Then there’s harmony, then there’s order. And there’s beauty in the
relationship. So that’s the motive, because you are the body and he is
the head.
What about the model? The model of this submission is given then in verse 23, as
Christ is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the
body. And as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to
be to their husbands in everything. A wife is to be submissive to her husband, following the model of the church’s submission to Christ.
I really don’t think any Christian would argue that the church is to
submit to Christ. Anybody want to argue that? You read through the Feminist literature that wants to overturn all of this, and you won’t find anybody, any evangelical, saying, “Well, the church doesn’t have to submit to Christ at all.”
Well then if the church is to submit to Christ, then the wife is to
submit to her husband because that’s what it uses as the analogy, the
model. What kind of leadership does Christ give the church?
Loving leadership, loving direction, protection, safety, security,
strength, provision. And the church loves Him for all that He is and all
that He provides.
He goes so far as to say he is the savior of the body, the church. The church submits itself to Him because He’s the Savior. He’s
not the head in a dictatorial sense. He’s not the head in a
domineering sense. He’s the head in a delivering sense, a rescuing
sense, a protective sense. He’s the Savior and that’s the model
that the husband and the wife must see. The wife submits to her husband
not in the sense that he’s a dictator, not in the sense that he’s
domineering, not in the sense that he’s authoritarian, but in the sense
that he is the protector, the provider, the preserver, the Savior.
I’ll save you from want…the husband says. I’ll save you from need. I’ll
save you from danger. I’ll save you from illness. I’ll save you from
disaster. I’m here to be your rescuer, your protector, your preserver,
your savior.
So the Apostle Paul is saying that the wife must recognize that in the
husband’s capacity as head, he is closely united to her in one flesh and
he is deeply concerned about her needs, her relationship to him is as a
believer’s relationship to Christ. She views him as her spiritual
guardian, her spiritual protector, her source of safety and blessing and
provision.
To extend it even more, Jesus is our Savior because He sacrificed
Himself for us, right? And a woman should look at her husband and see
one who would make any sacrifice for her well-being. That is what women
are looking for and that is what men must offer.
So, wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. It is inclusive, only their husbands and exclusive, all that their husbands do to care for them and to protect them.
What if I have an unsaved husband? First Peter 3, same thing, “And you can win him in the grace of God by your chaste and pure behavior.
Now all of this goes back to the principle of chapter 5 verse 18 where we started, right? You say, “How can a husband be all that?” By being…what?...filled with the Spirit.How can a wife be all that? By being filled with the Spirit. This is what overthrows the curse.
Now, I know we’ve only talked about the wives and I think we’re probably
going to spend at least two weeks on the husbands cause we need it.
Father, we thank You for our time tonight, it’s
been just a wonderful day, all through. And we’re grateful for the
provision You make for us that we call the bread of life because You
called it that. We thank You for Your Word, it feeds our souls, it lifts
us to heaven, pulls us out of the world, refreshes us. I do pray for
this congregation. I pray for the people who are already married,
already have children, that they may walk in the power of the spirit, be
Spirit-filled and live this way as You’ve designed marriage and the
family so that they can enjoy it to the max. I pray for the single
people to find a partner and get married, have children and experience
this pure grace of life. Bring people together for that soon that they
may experience this wonderful blessing. And help us all to be obedient,
not worrying so much the other, but being sure that we are the one that
we should be, walking obediently in the power of the Holy Spirit, as
we submit to the Word of God. Make us true and pure in our worship. May
our love for Christ dominate us and then we’ll do what the Spirit
would have us do. Thank You for healthy families in our church. Thank
You for blessings on marriages. Thank You for what You’re going to
continue do in the future in Christ’s name. Amen. Amen.
Posted with permission:
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Sermons/80-382
Wow! This was so good! He says it all so
much better then I can!
Bible Studies, Friends and Fellowship
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Submissive Wives, Loving Husbands
Submissive Wives, Loving Husbands
Q. I would like to know the meaning of the man as head of household, and should a wife do whatever the husband tells her if he’s not faithful to God, drinks obsessively, has integrity issues, and squanders money?
A. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul described the marital relationship as it should be. Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything just as if they were doing it for the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, overlooking all their faults and placing their wives needs ahead of their own, even to the point of giving their very lives for the well being of their wives. (Ephes. 5:22-27)
In this way the marriage becomes a model of Christ and the Church. When one party fails to uphold his part of the bargain, in your case your husband, the model falls apart and it becomes very difficult for the other party, you. But the solution is not to cease doing your part. Remember you’re doing this for the Lord, not for your husband. If he’s not mature or responsible enough to do his part, then he’s in trouble with the Lord and the Lord will deal with him accordingly. As for you, remaining faithful to your obligations will please the Lord and he’ll bless you for it. In most cases He does this by bringing the errant husband to task.
Of course all this assumes that you’re both believers and your husband is 100% of the problem. Ask the Lord if any part of the responsibility lies with you, and if so make sure you address any issue He brings to your mind.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...ving-husbands/
Submissive Wife, Loving Husband
Q. I have observed that in many sermons and conferences concerning the roles of husbands and wives, Col.3:18 gets about 4 seconds and 3:19 gets expounded upon at length, with a thunderous “congregation clap” breaking out when the speaker finally concludes that the breakdown of Christian marriages would cease if only men would start 3:19ing it (or something like that).
I see the unwillingness of women to submit to their husbands as the number 1 cause of divorce. A person only has to watch TV for a few minutes to see that men are being portrayed as football watching idiots who need to be constantly corrected by their wives. I dare say that the church is complicit in this propaganda campaign.
I would like to hear from you about this – before I pick up a copy of that new book: “the woman driven church”
A. The Lord didn’t design marriage to be a win lose deal for either party, but if both do their part it works wonderfully. In your reference Col. 3:18 (Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord) is the woman’s part and Col. 3:19 (Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them) is the man’s. Just as a woman won’t want to submit to a man whose attitude is “I get two votes and you only get one,” neither will a man be comfortable giving himself up (that’s what the Greek word for love means) for a woman just to have her repeatedly take advantage of him.
A teacher who gives emphasis to the man’s responsibility over the woman’s, or vice versa, is compounding the problem rather than facilitating a solution and doing more harm than good. Both have to be 100% committed to their role in the marriage out of love for each other, and more importantly, out of love for the Lord, who is the third party in every Christian marriage.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...oving-husband/
Submissive Wife, Loving Husband
Q. I am hoping that you can help me to better understand a wife being submissive to her husband. I have been a Christian for 10 years now, but have never really gotten my brain wrapped around this particular truth. I have been married for 21 years, and to be really honest, am not sure of my husbands salvation. I want to honor the Lord in my marriage, and be honorable to my husband. Your input would be greatly appreciated.
A. The clearest model we have for this is Ephesians 5:22-28. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to the Lord (Ephes. 5:22-24). The Church seeks the Lord’s will in everything and follows His direction. So should a wife submit to her husband, seeking his will and direction for their lives.
The husband’s part is to love his wife as the Lord loves the Church (Ephes. 5:25-28). The Lord gave Himself up as an expression of His love for the Church, putting aside everything He was in order to elevate Her. He sees her as perfect, without any defect or shortcoming. This is the way a husband should regard his wife.
Both parties have to be committed to this ideal, but when a wife submits to her husband’s will and His will is to devote his life to loving her, everybody wins. And that’s what the Lord desires for us.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bible-teacher/submissive-wife-loving-husband-2/
Q. I would like to know the meaning of the man as head of household, and should a wife do whatever the husband tells her if he’s not faithful to God, drinks obsessively, has integrity issues, and squanders money?
A. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul described the marital relationship as it should be. Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything just as if they were doing it for the Lord. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, overlooking all their faults and placing their wives needs ahead of their own, even to the point of giving their very lives for the well being of their wives. (Ephes. 5:22-27)
In this way the marriage becomes a model of Christ and the Church. When one party fails to uphold his part of the bargain, in your case your husband, the model falls apart and it becomes very difficult for the other party, you. But the solution is not to cease doing your part. Remember you’re doing this for the Lord, not for your husband. If he’s not mature or responsible enough to do his part, then he’s in trouble with the Lord and the Lord will deal with him accordingly. As for you, remaining faithful to your obligations will please the Lord and he’ll bless you for it. In most cases He does this by bringing the errant husband to task.
Of course all this assumes that you’re both believers and your husband is 100% of the problem. Ask the Lord if any part of the responsibility lies with you, and if so make sure you address any issue He brings to your mind.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...ving-husbands/
Submissive Wife, Loving Husband
Q. I have observed that in many sermons and conferences concerning the roles of husbands and wives, Col.3:18 gets about 4 seconds and 3:19 gets expounded upon at length, with a thunderous “congregation clap” breaking out when the speaker finally concludes that the breakdown of Christian marriages would cease if only men would start 3:19ing it (or something like that).
I see the unwillingness of women to submit to their husbands as the number 1 cause of divorce. A person only has to watch TV for a few minutes to see that men are being portrayed as football watching idiots who need to be constantly corrected by their wives. I dare say that the church is complicit in this propaganda campaign.
I would like to hear from you about this – before I pick up a copy of that new book: “the woman driven church”
A. The Lord didn’t design marriage to be a win lose deal for either party, but if both do their part it works wonderfully. In your reference Col. 3:18 (Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord) is the woman’s part and Col. 3:19 (Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them) is the man’s. Just as a woman won’t want to submit to a man whose attitude is “I get two votes and you only get one,” neither will a man be comfortable giving himself up (that’s what the Greek word for love means) for a woman just to have her repeatedly take advantage of him.
A teacher who gives emphasis to the man’s responsibility over the woman’s, or vice versa, is compounding the problem rather than facilitating a solution and doing more harm than good. Both have to be 100% committed to their role in the marriage out of love for each other, and more importantly, out of love for the Lord, who is the third party in every Christian marriage.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bibl...oving-husband/
Submissive Wife, Loving Husband
Q. I am hoping that you can help me to better understand a wife being submissive to her husband. I have been a Christian for 10 years now, but have never really gotten my brain wrapped around this particular truth. I have been married for 21 years, and to be really honest, am not sure of my husbands salvation. I want to honor the Lord in my marriage, and be honorable to my husband. Your input would be greatly appreciated.
A. The clearest model we have for this is Ephesians 5:22-28. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to the Lord (Ephes. 5:22-24). The Church seeks the Lord’s will in everything and follows His direction. So should a wife submit to her husband, seeking his will and direction for their lives.
The husband’s part is to love his wife as the Lord loves the Church (Ephes. 5:25-28). The Lord gave Himself up as an expression of His love for the Church, putting aside everything He was in order to elevate Her. He sees her as perfect, without any defect or shortcoming. This is the way a husband should regard his wife.
Both parties have to be committed to this ideal, but when a wife submits to her husband’s will and His will is to devote his life to loving her, everybody wins. And that’s what the Lord desires for us.
posted with permission
http://gracethrufaith.com/ask-a-bible-teacher/submissive-wife-loving-husband-2/
The Submissive Wife
The Submissive Wife
By John MacArthur
Earlier this year, Mark Oden preached a controversial sermon to his congregation in southeast England. He titled his message “Marriage and Women,” which included a plea for the wives in his congregation to “submit to their husbands.” In the aftermath, some irate wives—along with their disgruntled husbands—vowed never to attend the church again. One female attender said she was disgusted by the message, adding: “How can they talk that way in the twenty-first century?” Another quipped, “What kind of medieval sermon is that?” Pastor Oden, himself a married father of three, responded, “I am passionate about helping people to have healthy marriages. I did not set out to unnecessarily offend people, but I stand by what God has said in His Word, the Bible.” That pastor’s passion to cultivate healthy marriages, coupled with his courage to present the truth is regrettably rare in many churches of our day, but the response of his audience is not.
For the July 2010 edition of Sojourners magazine, feminist scholar Anne Eggebroten wrote an article titled “The Persistence of Patriarchy,” in which she described her recent visit to Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California. Eggebroten was pleased with John MacArthur’s sermon and even commented on the kindness of the members who were eager to meet and greet her.What she was not pleased with was the church’s views on female roles within the home and church. With unconcealed resentment, she described Grace church as a place where “God is male, all the pastors, deacons, and elders are male, and women are taught to live in submission to men.” As Eggebroten’s article progresses, one gets the impression she visited the church looking for sad, dejected women who begrudgingly accepted their role in the home. If that’s the case, she came to the wrong place—as her article demonstrates. After talking with several joyfully submissive wives in the reception area, she became frantic to escape—at least that’s what it sounds like. She writes, “It’s time to get out of here, I tell myself. I’m feeling tense, as if I might cry or launch into a diatribe.” She finished her rant by quoting a barrage of other liberal feminist “Bible scholars” who, through agenda-driven interpretations, heap contempt on God’s Word by claiming the church is mistaken in its understanding of what St. Paul really meant. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
A multitude of other current examples could be listed, all demonstrating the same thing—the issue of authority and submission in the home is not appealing to our fallen culture. Society has been victimized by a godless, Christless, non-biblical philosophy of living perpetrated through the centuries and energized by Satan himself.
What we’re seeing in our day was also true of the philosophy behind the French Revolution, which was a humanistic, egalitarian approach to life. The French believed they could have a society with absolute equality—a classless, godless type of humanistic existence. That atheistic mindset now dominates Western civilization: no sexes, no distinctions, no authority, no submission, and no humility. And rather than reject that philosophy, many churches often reflect it, falling prey to the lies of our age. Much like the angry multitude in Psalm 2 who defied the Godhead, we live in the midst of a godless society that sees God’s divine order for life and family and cries out, “Let us tear their fetters apart and cast away their cords from us!” The world views God’s design for the family—and women—as a threat, and much like Anne Eggebroten and her liberal friends, it seeks to redefine and overthrow that design altogether.
That brings us back to Ephesians, and the most important portion of this post—what does God say about women’s roles in the home? After all, He created the family, designed woman, and established her roles and relationships within the family. If God is the engineer, we’d better stick to His plans. What are they?
After making a statement about mutual submission in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21), Paul proceeds to answer an important question: How can we submit to one another in the context of a family, while still recognizing the God-ordained roles of headship and authority? Beginning with Ephesians 5:22, Paul answers that question. Remember, he came to the idea of submission because that’s what epitomized the character of the person who is truly Spirit filled. Then he outlined how mutual submission should work in a family.
Paul’s instructions for family life in Ephesians cover several verses, beginning with 5:22 and running through 6:4. He was writing under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, of course, so this was not merely the apostle’s private opinion (2 Pet. 1:21-21). God Himself inspired the very words of the text, including the order. Paul spoke here to wives first, then husbands, children, and parents.
The admonition to wives is simple, covering just three verses: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).
Several key ideas in that text are worth pointing out immediately. First, the word translated “submit” doesn’t actually appear in the Greek text of verse 22. The idea is clearly implied, however, from the command of verse 21, which instructs all believers to submit to one another. Remember, wives aren‘t being singled out and consigned to a second-rate status. There’s a sense in which everyone in the family must submit to everyone else. Verse 22 simply begins a practical explanation of how wives ought to demonstrate their submission.
Second, notice that Paul started and ended this short section by specifying whom wives should submit to: “their own husbands” (v. 24). Women as a group are not made serfs to men in general, and men aren’t automatically elevated to a ruling class over all women. But Scripture calls each woman to submit in particular to her own husband’s headship. In other words, the family itself is the primary arena in which a godly woman is to cultivate and demonstrate the attitude of humility, service, and sacrifice called for in verse 21.
Third, the command is general and sweeping. It’s not limited to wives whose husbands are fulfilling their function. It’s not addressed only to wives with children, wives of church leaders, or even wives whose husbands are faithful believers. It’s categorical and unconditional: wives. Anyone who fits that classification is obligated to obey the command of this verse by submitting to her own husband.
What, precisely, does this command require? The Greek word for “submit” (hupotasso) means “to line up under.” It has the idea of placing oneself in a rank lower than someone else, but in no way does it imply any essential inferiority. Nor does it demote the wife to a second-class status in the home or marriage. It speaks of a functional ranking, not an inferiority of essence.
Notice also that the word submit is not the word obey. What it calls for is an active, deliberate, loving, intelligent devotion to the husband’s noble aspirations and ambitions. It does not demand blind, fawning, slavish kowtowing to his every whim. The Greek word for “obey” would be hupakouo, and that is what Paul demanded of children in Ephesians 6:1 and slaves in 6:5. But a wife is neither a child nor a slave, waiting on her husband while he sits in an easy chair and issues commands (“Hand me the remote!” “Get me something to drink!” “Fix me a snack!” Fetch my slippers!”). Marriage is a much more personal and intimate relationship than that. It’s a union, a partnership, a singular mutual devotion, and that truth is emphasized by the words “your own husband.”
The expression itself suggests a tender partnership and mutual belonging to one another. Why wouldn’t a wife willingly respond in submission to one whom she possesses? Paul was subtly pointing out the reasonableness and the desirability of the wife’s submission to her husband.
This is a role that God Himself ordained for wives. In Genesis 3:16, God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” On the one hand, marriage is the perfect union of two people who become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). On the other hand, God has clearly ordained that the husband should be head in that relationship. For the sake of unity and workability, the woman is to be subject to the leadership of her husband—not as a slave but as one who is provided for, cared for, and made secure by her husband. It does not have nearly as much to do with what she does for him as what he is responsible to do for her.
Even nature seems to affirm the proper order. Men normally have the advantage of greater physical and emotional strength, while women usually have a more tenderhearted strength and character that equip them to be a support and encouragement—helpers suitable to their husbands.
We find a parallel passage in Colossians 3:18, where Paul also instructed wives to submit to their own husbands. But there he added a brief phrase that sheds light on why this command is so important: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (italics added). The word translated “fitting” means “seemly, proper, or right.” It is an expression commonly used of something that is legally or morally binding. Paul seems to be pointing out that the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife are an accepted law of virtually all human society. (That has certainly been the case in most societies for the vast majority of human history, and it was most definitely true in Paul’s time.) Paul was suggesting that it is “fitting”—and recognized as such throughout the history of human culture—because it is the divine order. It is “fitting in the Lord.” This is a very strong expression about the propriety of the husband’s headship.
Scripture is both clear and consistent. Every time the Bible speaks about the role of the wife, the emphasis is exactly the same. This is not some chauvinistic private opinion of the apostle Paul, as some have suggested. Nor is it an unclear principle that’s only vaguely suggested in Scripture. Every passage that touches on the subject of the wife’s role says essentially the same thing (1 Pet. 3:1-2; Titus 2:3-5).
Of course, if every husband loved his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), there presumably would be less resistance to the biblical teaching on the role of wives. But some husbands, rather than presenting a Christlike model of leadership to which their wives joyfully submit, instead play the part of an idle tyrant. Unbelief, anger, passivity, abuse, ridicule, laziness—all those sinful attitudes cause many wives to question God’s charge to submit. But God’s Word answers with stunning clarity. We’ll take a look at that next time.
In the meantime, here’s a question for the discussion thread: What barriers prevent wives from seeing the beauty of submitting to their husbands?
posted with permission
http://www.gty.org/Blog/B100825
related articles
The Loving Husband: A Portrait of Christ
By John MacArthur
Earlier this year, Mark Oden preached a controversial sermon to his congregation in southeast England. He titled his message “Marriage and Women,” which included a plea for the wives in his congregation to “submit to their husbands.” In the aftermath, some irate wives—along with their disgruntled husbands—vowed never to attend the church again. One female attender said she was disgusted by the message, adding: “How can they talk that way in the twenty-first century?” Another quipped, “What kind of medieval sermon is that?” Pastor Oden, himself a married father of three, responded, “I am passionate about helping people to have healthy marriages. I did not set out to unnecessarily offend people, but I stand by what God has said in His Word, the Bible.” That pastor’s passion to cultivate healthy marriages, coupled with his courage to present the truth is regrettably rare in many churches of our day, but the response of his audience is not.
For the July 2010 edition of Sojourners magazine, feminist scholar Anne Eggebroten wrote an article titled “The Persistence of Patriarchy,” in which she described her recent visit to Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California. Eggebroten was pleased with John MacArthur’s sermon and even commented on the kindness of the members who were eager to meet and greet her.What she was not pleased with was the church’s views on female roles within the home and church. With unconcealed resentment, she described Grace church as a place where “God is male, all the pastors, deacons, and elders are male, and women are taught to live in submission to men.” As Eggebroten’s article progresses, one gets the impression she visited the church looking for sad, dejected women who begrudgingly accepted their role in the home. If that’s the case, she came to the wrong place—as her article demonstrates. After talking with several joyfully submissive wives in the reception area, she became frantic to escape—at least that’s what it sounds like. She writes, “It’s time to get out of here, I tell myself. I’m feeling tense, as if I might cry or launch into a diatribe.” She finished her rant by quoting a barrage of other liberal feminist “Bible scholars” who, through agenda-driven interpretations, heap contempt on God’s Word by claiming the church is mistaken in its understanding of what St. Paul really meant. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
A multitude of other current examples could be listed, all demonstrating the same thing—the issue of authority and submission in the home is not appealing to our fallen culture. Society has been victimized by a godless, Christless, non-biblical philosophy of living perpetrated through the centuries and energized by Satan himself.
What we’re seeing in our day was also true of the philosophy behind the French Revolution, which was a humanistic, egalitarian approach to life. The French believed they could have a society with absolute equality—a classless, godless type of humanistic existence. That atheistic mindset now dominates Western civilization: no sexes, no distinctions, no authority, no submission, and no humility. And rather than reject that philosophy, many churches often reflect it, falling prey to the lies of our age. Much like the angry multitude in Psalm 2 who defied the Godhead, we live in the midst of a godless society that sees God’s divine order for life and family and cries out, “Let us tear their fetters apart and cast away their cords from us!” The world views God’s design for the family—and women—as a threat, and much like Anne Eggebroten and her liberal friends, it seeks to redefine and overthrow that design altogether.
That brings us back to Ephesians, and the most important portion of this post—what does God say about women’s roles in the home? After all, He created the family, designed woman, and established her roles and relationships within the family. If God is the engineer, we’d better stick to His plans. What are they?
After making a statement about mutual submission in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21), Paul proceeds to answer an important question: How can we submit to one another in the context of a family, while still recognizing the God-ordained roles of headship and authority? Beginning with Ephesians 5:22, Paul answers that question. Remember, he came to the idea of submission because that’s what epitomized the character of the person who is truly Spirit filled. Then he outlined how mutual submission should work in a family.
Paul’s instructions for family life in Ephesians cover several verses, beginning with 5:22 and running through 6:4. He was writing under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, of course, so this was not merely the apostle’s private opinion (2 Pet. 1:21-21). God Himself inspired the very words of the text, including the order. Paul spoke here to wives first, then husbands, children, and parents.
The admonition to wives is simple, covering just three verses: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).
Several key ideas in that text are worth pointing out immediately. First, the word translated “submit” doesn’t actually appear in the Greek text of verse 22. The idea is clearly implied, however, from the command of verse 21, which instructs all believers to submit to one another. Remember, wives aren‘t being singled out and consigned to a second-rate status. There’s a sense in which everyone in the family must submit to everyone else. Verse 22 simply begins a practical explanation of how wives ought to demonstrate their submission.
Second, notice that Paul started and ended this short section by specifying whom wives should submit to: “their own husbands” (v. 24). Women as a group are not made serfs to men in general, and men aren’t automatically elevated to a ruling class over all women. But Scripture calls each woman to submit in particular to her own husband’s headship. In other words, the family itself is the primary arena in which a godly woman is to cultivate and demonstrate the attitude of humility, service, and sacrifice called for in verse 21.
Third, the command is general and sweeping. It’s not limited to wives whose husbands are fulfilling their function. It’s not addressed only to wives with children, wives of church leaders, or even wives whose husbands are faithful believers. It’s categorical and unconditional: wives. Anyone who fits that classification is obligated to obey the command of this verse by submitting to her own husband.
What, precisely, does this command require? The Greek word for “submit” (hupotasso) means “to line up under.” It has the idea of placing oneself in a rank lower than someone else, but in no way does it imply any essential inferiority. Nor does it demote the wife to a second-class status in the home or marriage. It speaks of a functional ranking, not an inferiority of essence.
Notice also that the word submit is not the word obey. What it calls for is an active, deliberate, loving, intelligent devotion to the husband’s noble aspirations and ambitions. It does not demand blind, fawning, slavish kowtowing to his every whim. The Greek word for “obey” would be hupakouo, and that is what Paul demanded of children in Ephesians 6:1 and slaves in 6:5. But a wife is neither a child nor a slave, waiting on her husband while he sits in an easy chair and issues commands (“Hand me the remote!” “Get me something to drink!” “Fix me a snack!” Fetch my slippers!”). Marriage is a much more personal and intimate relationship than that. It’s a union, a partnership, a singular mutual devotion, and that truth is emphasized by the words “your own husband.”
The expression itself suggests a tender partnership and mutual belonging to one another. Why wouldn’t a wife willingly respond in submission to one whom she possesses? Paul was subtly pointing out the reasonableness and the desirability of the wife’s submission to her husband.
This is a role that God Himself ordained for wives. In Genesis 3:16, God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” On the one hand, marriage is the perfect union of two people who become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). On the other hand, God has clearly ordained that the husband should be head in that relationship. For the sake of unity and workability, the woman is to be subject to the leadership of her husband—not as a slave but as one who is provided for, cared for, and made secure by her husband. It does not have nearly as much to do with what she does for him as what he is responsible to do for her.
Even nature seems to affirm the proper order. Men normally have the advantage of greater physical and emotional strength, while women usually have a more tenderhearted strength and character that equip them to be a support and encouragement—helpers suitable to their husbands.
We find a parallel passage in Colossians 3:18, where Paul also instructed wives to submit to their own husbands. But there he added a brief phrase that sheds light on why this command is so important: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (italics added). The word translated “fitting” means “seemly, proper, or right.” It is an expression commonly used of something that is legally or morally binding. Paul seems to be pointing out that the headship of the husband and the submission of the wife are an accepted law of virtually all human society. (That has certainly been the case in most societies for the vast majority of human history, and it was most definitely true in Paul’s time.) Paul was suggesting that it is “fitting”—and recognized as such throughout the history of human culture—because it is the divine order. It is “fitting in the Lord.” This is a very strong expression about the propriety of the husband’s headship.
Scripture is both clear and consistent. Every time the Bible speaks about the role of the wife, the emphasis is exactly the same. This is not some chauvinistic private opinion of the apostle Paul, as some have suggested. Nor is it an unclear principle that’s only vaguely suggested in Scripture. Every passage that touches on the subject of the wife’s role says essentially the same thing (1 Pet. 3:1-2; Titus 2:3-5).
Of course, if every husband loved his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), there presumably would be less resistance to the biblical teaching on the role of wives. But some husbands, rather than presenting a Christlike model of leadership to which their wives joyfully submit, instead play the part of an idle tyrant. Unbelief, anger, passivity, abuse, ridicule, laziness—all those sinful attitudes cause many wives to question God’s charge to submit. But God’s Word answers with stunning clarity. We’ll take a look at that next time.
In the meantime, here’s a question for the discussion thread: What barriers prevent wives from seeing the beauty of submitting to their husbands?
posted with permission
http://www.gty.org/Blog/B100825
related articles
The Loving Husband: A Portrait of Christ
What God says to Wives
I figure probably the most debated and
even disliked thing that the Lord says to wives is that we are to submit
to our husbands. If we're going to do a study about what He expects
from us, it would probably be a good idea to get this out of the way
first lol
"Submit" has become a dirty word in our days and that's a real shame. Women come up with all kinds of reasons that they shouldn't submit to their husbands, most not legitimate. I've heard many say that they would submit if or after their husbands became the kind of husbands that God intended them to be, but the bible doesn't say that. God doesn't tell women to submit if their husbands are godly men who know God's Word and are living godly lives. He simply says, "wives, submit to your husbands".
However, we also have to recognize what God's Word says about marriage in general with this and He does not expect a wife to submit to verbal, emotional or sexual abuse, nor does He expect or want wives to submit to a man who is telling them to do or say something that goes against God's Word or the laws of their country. When He tells wives to submit to their husbands, He is speaking to wives that are in a healthy, loving marriage--note that I said a "healthy loving" marriage and not a "perfect" marriage. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
Submission to your husband doesn't mean being a slave to him, nor does he being the head of the home make him into some kind of king or tyrant over you. The couple should discuss issues that need a decision and both should take into consideration the others thoughts and feelings on the subject. After this has been done though, it is up to the husband to make the final decision in the matter and up to the wife to "submit" to that decision; in other words, agree with her husbands decision, backing him up, even if she doesn't particularly like it.
I struggled with this personally when Bruce and I got married. I was probably the least "submissive" person anyone could ever imagine knowing, but I knew that was what God commanded and all my excuses were nothing but excuses not to obey Him. So I asked for His help and I began to submit. Nor was Bruce the perfect godly husband or head of the home at the time. When I began to submit to him, it was so alien to me, and so shocking to Bruce, that I told Bruce that I was submitting to him because that was what God said I was to do, because God had made him the head of the home and the spiritual leader of our family. The amazing thing was that the more I submitted, the more he became that godly man and head of the home! The more I obeyed God, changing myself to be in line with His Will, the more Bruce changed and became more in line with God's Will for him! It was like watching miracles happen as the Lord transformed both us!
Let me give you an example from my life when Bruce and I were still learning this. It was the first time Bruce made a decision that I really didn't like or agree with and I was really angry! He had told me one day that he didn't want me going to church that day, and I really wanted to go. I stomped off to pray before opening my mouth though because i really was working on submitting. I'm glad I did too because as I was praying the Lord asked me why I felt Bruce had made the decision he had. When I actually stopped to think about it, I knew why he had made that decision, it was for my saftey. He was afraid that the roads wouldn't be safe because of a bad storm we'd just had. I knew then that Bruce was only doing his job, the one the Lord had given him, to love and protect me (even from myself!) So I dried my eyes, thanked the Lord and went and apologized to Bruce for stomping off and told him that I accepted his decision and appreciated that he cared enough about me to want me to be safe. I think he grew two inches taller while I was looking at him LOL
Now, I still didn't like the fact that he had made the decision, but I respected that he had made it and that he'd done so for all the right reasons, according to God's Word. Therefore I could submit to him without any feelings of being abused. If he had simply made the decision because he wanted to be King and rule over me, then I wouldn't have submitted, because it would be going against God's Word, for both him and me.
Regardless of my personal experience though, the Bible still says that this is what we are to do. The funny thing is that most women tend to think submitting to their husbands, (or anyone for that matter) makes them weak or at least makes them appear weak. I can tell you from experience though that it takes a strong woman to submit to her husband, not a weak one!
So let's take a quick look at what the Bible really says about this. I'm going to give you the verses and then what the word "submit" is actually translated from and what it actually means as well as what other commentaries and books say about it.
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
5293 ὑποτάσσω [hupotasso /hoop·ot·as·so/] v. From 5259 and 5021; TDNT 8:39; TDNTA 1156; GK 5718; 40 occurrences; AV translates as “put under” six times, “be subject unto” six times, “be subject to” five times, “submit (one’s) self unto” five times, “submit (one’s) self to” three times, “be in subjection unto” twice, “put in subjection under” once, and translated miscellaneously 12 times. 1 to arrange under, to subordinate. 2 to subject, put in subjection. 3 to subject one’s self, obey. 4 to submit to one’s control. 5 to yield to one’s admonition or advice. 6 to obey, be subject. Additional Information: A Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.
Strong, J. The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the text of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurrence of each word in regular order.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
25 ἀγαπάω [agapao /ag·ap·ah·o/] v. Perhaps from agan (much) [or cf 5368]; TDNT 1:21; TDNTA 5; GK 26; 142 occurrences; AV translates as “love” 135 times, and “beloved” seven times. 1 of persons. 1a to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly. 2 of things. 2a to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing.
Strong, J. The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the text of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurrence of each word in regular order.
But Adam and Eve sinned, and God told Eve, “Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen. 3:16). In New Testament times the Apostle Paul told Chris-tian wives, “Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). But even though a woman was to submit to her husband, she was not inferior to him. It just means that she should be willing to let him lead. In fact, Paul called for submission on the part of both the husband and the wife, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). In another letter, Paul clearly stated that there is no difference of status in Christ between a man and a woman. “There is neither Jew nor Greek,” he writes, “there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). Nelson's illustrated manners and customs of the Bible
22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The duty and manner of submission. The Christian home is a symbol of Christianity, and should be a “little bit of heaven” on earth. The word submit (Gr hypotassō) is an old military figure to line up under (Col 3:18) and means to subject yourselves in line in a specialized way. Christian wives will be ordering their lives in proper subjection to their own husbands as required in this relation in the Lord, for subjection to the Lord includes loyal living in the home. Submission is not slavish fear, neither is it forced upon her by a demanding domestic despot, but it is voluntary. There is no hint of inferiority, but a matter of authority and responsibility in the home. Husbands and wives are parts of a unit. The question arises, what if the husband is not a born-again believer? The Word of God gives definite instructions covering such a case (1 Pet 3:1–7). KJV Bible commentary.
1 Peter 3:1-7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:1-6Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Today I thought we could look at this from another angle and add another subject to it. Peter starts off here again telling us to be sumissive to our husbands, even if they are unbelievers. He says that this way perhaps our husbands will come to believe because they see how we are living our lives in obedience to God. They will see how important our relationship with the Lord is to us and hopefully will want what we have.
He then goes on to talk about beauty and how we should dress and act. More importantly however, he tells us that our true beauty comes from within, from our relationship with Christ. He is not saying that we shouldn’t braid our hear or that we sholdn’t wear jewlrey or that we shouldn’t own and wear fine clothes. He is saying that our beauty doesn’t come from those things and also telling women that they should be conservative in how they dress rather then dressing the way a prostitute does. I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying that if you’ve got it flaunt it, well that’s exactly what Peter is saying that we should not do! Paul tells us the same thing here:
1 Timothy 2:9-12 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
For those who aren’t married, they should still dress modestly, with decency—they don’t need to show off their bodies to catch a man; and once a woman is married, their bodies belong to their husbands and aren’t to be shown off to other people by wearing revealing or suggestive clothing.
Notice that both Peter and Paul include being submissive to our husbands with how we dress and act. Our submissiveness to our husbands is seen as part of our beauty – our inner beauty. Paul continues saying that a woman should learn in quietness and full submission. This really gets the feminists going usually, however it’s not as bad as it may sound at first. What he’s really saying is that women aren’t to argue and debate with their husbands over it when the husband is attempting to teach her spiritual things. Instead they are to listen to him and go along with what he is saying. Now days it’s rare for a man to be the spiritual leader in the home, but back then it was the norm. It’s perfectly OK for a woman to ask questions etc. but we aren’t to be argumenative. In other words what Paul was saying that women who were aruging and making a fuss (loudly) should settle down and listen and try to lern instead.
Women are not to have authority over a man under normal conditions. In the old testament however God chose to make women judges over men even and told the Israelites it was because there were no men qualified to take the job so He was making women judges to shame them. So it’s not that women aren’t perfectly capable, it’s simply that when we “take over” we’re usurping the husbands job from him. This is really bad because we’re not giving them the opportunity to grow into the godly men God intended them to be. Instead we should be supportive and help them grow into that position and encourage them.
Let’s quickly take a look at the last thing Peter says about this:
1 Peter 3:6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Peter is telling us here that because Jesus is our Lord we do not need to be fearful of submitting to our husbands when we are doing what is right.. God is not the author of fear, but instead gives us a spirit of self control. This self control is really what both Paul and Peter are talking about, why Peter tells us not to be argumentative etc. Just like when he says we are to be quiet. He isn’t saying we shouldn’t talk! He’s saying that we shouldn’t be loud and obnoxious! We are to be self controlled and do what is right, submitting to our husbands and allowing our husbands to be the leader in the home.
Please keep in mind that we're only studying what the wives job is, and that while we are to submit that is not giving them permission to walk all over us like a doormat!
One of the most difficult things is to be with someone that says they're saved but doesn't have the fruit. I've been in that position as well.
Then there's the position of being with someone that is an unbeliever and who doesn't even claim to be saved and acts like an unsaved person. The word is a little clearer in this area, but it's still difficult.
Anytime there's any kind of abuse, regardless of whether or not the person claims to be saved, it generally causes the woman to become confused about what they are supposed to do in that situation and that's when we usually make all the wrong decisions. I know I did in the past.
Now I really do not want to get into a discussion of divorce here, so other then saying this, let's save anything to do with that for the other forum and a different study.
God is a loving God. He loves us more then we can ever understand. He would never abuse us--not emotionally, mentally or physically or spiritually in any way at all, nor does He want anyone else to do that to us, or us to do it to anyone else. We can know these things by reading and studying what God is like throughout the entire Bible. We know this by studying His attributes. We know too that He calls us to be like Him.
For the purposes of this study however, let's look at what Paul has said:
1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
In the above verse Paul says that God has called us as believers to live in peace. Now that doesn't mean that we should tolerate bad behavior in order to have peace, because that is not living in peace. Instead, that's enabling someone to continue their bad behavior. It's not living in peace because when you tolerate that bad behavior, that abuse, you are not at peace! Neither is he! Someone who is angry all the time is most certainly not at peace!
Let's look too at what God says about someone who is often angry:
Colossians 3:5-10 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
So it's easy to see that anger doesn't come from God, it is not a godly attribute. There is such a thing as "righteous anger" but someone who is frequently angry isn't being righteously angry, they are simply being angry which is a sin and of the old nature. This is an indication that either the person isn't saved and never really was, or if they were just saved, it's an area that God will be working on constantly until the person has overcome that old part of their nature. Even the newly saved person will usually know that every time they get angry that way that they have slipped back into their old nature and that they need to confess it and repent.
You simply cannot live in peace with someone who is always angry. It's impossible. Now if that person sincerely desires to change and gives their life to Christ, then you've got a shot at it, but other then that, I'm not so sure.
Later Paul also says:
1 Corinthians 7:23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.
To tolerate abuse is in fact becoming a slave to that person.
Ephesians 5:8-11 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
So we are not to tolerate it, but expose it and have nothing to do with it. We are not to say, "oh well I probably deserve it" or "it's probably my fault because...."; those are lies from Satan! You are a child of the King and deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
When we expose it however we are not to throw it in their face or rub their noses in it or do it in anger or to hurt them. We are to do it to help them because we love them and want to help them to be the godly man God made them to be. When speaking this way to our husband it needs to be done in all humility and love with much tact.
So God's Word says we are to speak the truth in love which calls us to look at 1 cor 13 to see what "love" requires of us. (and them) But first I want to share this with you:
One of my favorite scriptures shows how God loves us and also shows how our husbands are supposed to love us. Remember that although we are called to submit to our husbands, God's command to husbands is that they are to love us as Christ loves the Church-the body of Christ. That's a sacrificial love; a love that thinks of the other person before themselves or anything else. A love that exemplifies 1 Cor. 13 which we'll look at next. But look first at this verse:
Song of Solomon 2:4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.
This of it this way, we raise banners up to proclaim things that are very important to us, so this is saying that all the time, everywhere, the banner our husband is waving over us is shouting his great love for us, just as God is. It's saying in physical terms that everything our husbands does should shout to the world that he loves us. Isn't that awesome??? Even more awesome is that's how God is with us! But the point is that someone that's abusive isn't doing this.
So what kind of attributes should be found in a good godly marriage? Again we can look to His Word:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Now obviously since we're not perfect, we're all going to have times when we mess up and do the opposite of those things. When we do however, as believers we are to confess our sins to God and to our spouse and ask their forgiveness.
1 Corinthians 11:11-12 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
Here he is telling us that a married couple is to be interdependent with each other, complimenting each other. A married couple is "one flesh", that's what that means. Everything the man does affects the woman and everything the woman does affects the man. Everything done to either one of the affects the other as well. Women aren't inferior, just different, but we also aren't superior and shouldn't act like we are.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Now to your last questions, which is what are we to do. That's very hard to say and really can't be addressed "in general" I don't think. In general a good answer would have to be to pray regularly, constantly about this, and read God's Word regularly asking Him to show you what to do. The only other general advice I can give from His Word is that you are not to tolerate evil behavior like that. How you decide to deal with it though is between you and the Lord. You can confront your husband with his lack of fruit and show him how serious the anger issue is; discuss the true gospel with him and see if he's willing to turn his life over to Christ; or if more appropriate see if they'll recommit to Christ; you can separate from him and if the abuse is at all physical that is the very first thing you should do; and there's probably other ways of handling it as well. Be assured however that although we are to submit, we are not to be doormats and we are not to put up with any kind of abuse. I hope this helps!
We're conditioned by society (the world) to do just about anything to "have peace", to stop it somehow, and we don't stop to think usually that what we're doing is only perpetuating the abuse. It might stop it at that moment but it also assures that it will happen again and that's not living in peace. In fact it actually does the opposite and causes us to live in fear and stress because we know it's going to happen again--the question is "when". It can get to the point of where the last place you want to be is "home" because you're not safe there and you're not at peace. That's the real shame too because our homes should be the one place we can be ourselves, where we're accepted just as we are; and where we are the safest and at peace. But the abuser will often turn even those words against us and say that they too should be accepted "as they are", but that's not true. Abuse is a sin, it's wrong and it's not acceptable ever in any form; and shouldn't be acceptable to them either. (and if they're really born again it won't be)
1 Timothy 2:9-12 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
1 Peter 3:1-6 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Like I said, it's not that we can't talk, it's "how" we talk and "when" we talk, as Kel pointed out. Our husbands are the head of our homes and head over us, so we don't take them to task in front of others, we instead discuss it quietly with them when we are alone with them; and we don't nag, etc.
"Submit" has become a dirty word in our days and that's a real shame. Women come up with all kinds of reasons that they shouldn't submit to their husbands, most not legitimate. I've heard many say that they would submit if or after their husbands became the kind of husbands that God intended them to be, but the bible doesn't say that. God doesn't tell women to submit if their husbands are godly men who know God's Word and are living godly lives. He simply says, "wives, submit to your husbands".
However, we also have to recognize what God's Word says about marriage in general with this and He does not expect a wife to submit to verbal, emotional or sexual abuse, nor does He expect or want wives to submit to a man who is telling them to do or say something that goes against God's Word or the laws of their country. When He tells wives to submit to their husbands, He is speaking to wives that are in a healthy, loving marriage--note that I said a "healthy loving" marriage and not a "perfect" marriage. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
Submission to your husband doesn't mean being a slave to him, nor does he being the head of the home make him into some kind of king or tyrant over you. The couple should discuss issues that need a decision and both should take into consideration the others thoughts and feelings on the subject. After this has been done though, it is up to the husband to make the final decision in the matter and up to the wife to "submit" to that decision; in other words, agree with her husbands decision, backing him up, even if she doesn't particularly like it.
I struggled with this personally when Bruce and I got married. I was probably the least "submissive" person anyone could ever imagine knowing, but I knew that was what God commanded and all my excuses were nothing but excuses not to obey Him. So I asked for His help and I began to submit. Nor was Bruce the perfect godly husband or head of the home at the time. When I began to submit to him, it was so alien to me, and so shocking to Bruce, that I told Bruce that I was submitting to him because that was what God said I was to do, because God had made him the head of the home and the spiritual leader of our family. The amazing thing was that the more I submitted, the more he became that godly man and head of the home! The more I obeyed God, changing myself to be in line with His Will, the more Bruce changed and became more in line with God's Will for him! It was like watching miracles happen as the Lord transformed both us!
Let me give you an example from my life when Bruce and I were still learning this. It was the first time Bruce made a decision that I really didn't like or agree with and I was really angry! He had told me one day that he didn't want me going to church that day, and I really wanted to go. I stomped off to pray before opening my mouth though because i really was working on submitting. I'm glad I did too because as I was praying the Lord asked me why I felt Bruce had made the decision he had. When I actually stopped to think about it, I knew why he had made that decision, it was for my saftey. He was afraid that the roads wouldn't be safe because of a bad storm we'd just had. I knew then that Bruce was only doing his job, the one the Lord had given him, to love and protect me (even from myself!) So I dried my eyes, thanked the Lord and went and apologized to Bruce for stomping off and told him that I accepted his decision and appreciated that he cared enough about me to want me to be safe. I think he grew two inches taller while I was looking at him LOL
Now, I still didn't like the fact that he had made the decision, but I respected that he had made it and that he'd done so for all the right reasons, according to God's Word. Therefore I could submit to him without any feelings of being abused. If he had simply made the decision because he wanted to be King and rule over me, then I wouldn't have submitted, because it would be going against God's Word, for both him and me.
Regardless of my personal experience though, the Bible still says that this is what we are to do. The funny thing is that most women tend to think submitting to their husbands, (or anyone for that matter) makes them weak or at least makes them appear weak. I can tell you from experience though that it takes a strong woman to submit to her husband, not a weak one!
So let's take a quick look at what the Bible really says about this. I'm going to give you the verses and then what the word "submit" is actually translated from and what it actually means as well as what other commentaries and books say about it.
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
5:22 In
Greek “wives” is in the vocative case, yet with the definite article.
Used in a general sense, it binds all wives into one class for this
assignment. Wives are asked to submit to husbands. Husbands are asked to
love their wives (v. 25). “Submit” translates a military term (hupotassōg, Gk.), which means “to place under” or “to subordinate” (cf. 1 Pet. 3:1,
note). This is not because of essential feminine inferiority but
because God has placed the husband first in order of creation as head of
the home, just as Christ is the Head of the church. While submission is
in one sense limitless, i.e., wives are to submit “in everything” (v.
24), in another sense this submission is not to exceed the parameters of
the will of God (v. 22). The directive to husbands is even more
imposing. The mandate to love employs agapatēg (Gk.) and hence must be a command for the husband to exhibit thoroughly all the qualities delineated in 1 Cor. 13 in his relationship with his wife. The verb indicates continuous, habitual action (v. 25).
Believer's Study Bible. 5293 ὑποτάσσω [hupotasso /hoop·ot·as·so/] v. From 5259 and 5021; TDNT 8:39; TDNTA 1156; GK 5718; 40 occurrences; AV translates as “put under” six times, “be subject unto” six times, “be subject to” five times, “submit (one’s) self unto” five times, “submit (one’s) self to” three times, “be in subjection unto” twice, “put in subjection under” once, and translated miscellaneously 12 times. 1 to arrange under, to subordinate. 2 to subject, put in subjection. 3 to subject one’s self, obey. 4 to submit to one’s control. 5 to yield to one’s admonition or advice. 6 to obey, be subject. Additional Information: A Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.
Strong, J. The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the text of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurrence of each word in regular order.
5718 ὑποτάσσομαι (hypotassomai), ὑποτάσσω (hypotassō): vb.; ≡ Str 5293; TDNT 8.39—1. LN 36.18 (dep.) obey, be obedient (Lk 2:51; Eph 5:22 v.r.); 2. LN 37.31 bring under control, put in subjection (1Co 15:27; Eph 1:22; Php 3:21; Heb 2:5, 8)
Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains : Greek (New Testament) Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
25 ἀγαπάω [agapao /ag·ap·ah·o/] v. Perhaps from agan (much) [or cf 5368]; TDNT 1:21; TDNTA 5; GK 26; 142 occurrences; AV translates as “love” 135 times, and “beloved” seven times. 1 of persons. 1a to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly. 2 of things. 2a to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing.
Strong, J. The exhaustive concordance of the Bible : Showing every word of the text of the common English version of the canonical books, and every occurrence of each word in regular order.
Christ and the Church Model Husband/Wife Relationships (Eph. 5:22-33). The specific instructions that the apostle Paul gives to husbands and wives are a glimpse of the Bridegroom and bride—a heavenly model for every marriage on earth.
As
a husband, how should I behave toward my wife? Look to Christ, the
divine Bridegroom, in His relationship with the church: love her,
sacrifice for her, listen to her concerns, take care of her; be as
sensitive to her needs and her hurts as you are to those of your own
body.
As a wife, how should I behave
toward my husband? Look to the chosen bride, the church, in its
relationship with Christ: respect him, acknowledge his calling as “head”
of the family, respond to his leadership, listen to him, praise him, be
unified in purpose and will with him; be a true helper (see Gen. 2:18).
No husband and wife can do this by mere willpower or resolve, but since you (including your marriage) are “His workmanship” (Eph. 2:8-10), God will help bring this about.
Hayford's Bible handbook. But Adam and Eve sinned, and God told Eve, “Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen. 3:16). In New Testament times the Apostle Paul told Chris-tian wives, “Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). But even though a woman was to submit to her husband, she was not inferior to him. It just means that she should be willing to let him lead. In fact, Paul called for submission on the part of both the husband and the wife, “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). In another letter, Paul clearly stated that there is no difference of status in Christ between a man and a woman. “There is neither Jew nor Greek,” he writes, “there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). Nelson's illustrated manners and customs of the Bible
Wives, submit. This is an old military figure (Gr hypotassō) meaning to line up under (Eph 5:22)
or to subject yourselves in a specialized way. There is no hint of
inferiority, but a matter of authority and responsibility in the home.
Wives are to be in habitual subjection with implicit trust. This is
voluntary, not forced on her by a demanding despot. The wife is a
helpmeet (a help suitable to the husband), not a slave. The family is
held together by authority and obedience. The wife’s submission is
prompted by the husband’s love. As it is fit in the Lord. As
it should be, becoming, and proper. All of life is to be lived in
fellowship with Christ. God is emphasizing responsibilities, not rights (Eph 5:22–24).
19. Husbands, love your wives.Keep
on loving your wives. This is more than human affection; it is produced
by the Holy Spirit. The dominant trait of the Christian husband is
self-devotion, not self-satisfaction (Eph 5:25–28). Be not bitter against them. Stop being bitter and do not have the habit of being bitter against them. This sin wrecks many marriages.
KJV Bible commentary.
5:22 Women are never made second to men in general, but the wife is specifically called to accept her husband’s leadership.
Spirit filled life study Bible22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The duty and manner of submission. The Christian home is a symbol of Christianity, and should be a “little bit of heaven” on earth. The word submit (Gr hypotassō) is an old military figure to line up under (Col 3:18) and means to subject yourselves in line in a specialized way. Christian wives will be ordering their lives in proper subjection to their own husbands as required in this relation in the Lord, for subjection to the Lord includes loyal living in the home. Submission is not slavish fear, neither is it forced upon her by a demanding domestic despot, but it is voluntary. There is no hint of inferiority, but a matter of authority and responsibility in the home. Husbands and wives are parts of a unit. The question arises, what if the husband is not a born-again believer? The Word of God gives definite instructions covering such a case (1 Pet 3:1–7). KJV Bible commentary.
1 Peter 3:1-7 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:1-6Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Today I thought we could look at this from another angle and add another subject to it. Peter starts off here again telling us to be sumissive to our husbands, even if they are unbelievers. He says that this way perhaps our husbands will come to believe because they see how we are living our lives in obedience to God. They will see how important our relationship with the Lord is to us and hopefully will want what we have.
He then goes on to talk about beauty and how we should dress and act. More importantly however, he tells us that our true beauty comes from within, from our relationship with Christ. He is not saying that we shouldn’t braid our hear or that we sholdn’t wear jewlrey or that we shouldn’t own and wear fine clothes. He is saying that our beauty doesn’t come from those things and also telling women that they should be conservative in how they dress rather then dressing the way a prostitute does. I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying that if you’ve got it flaunt it, well that’s exactly what Peter is saying that we should not do! Paul tells us the same thing here:
1 Timothy 2:9-12 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
For those who aren’t married, they should still dress modestly, with decency—they don’t need to show off their bodies to catch a man; and once a woman is married, their bodies belong to their husbands and aren’t to be shown off to other people by wearing revealing or suggestive clothing.
Notice that both Peter and Paul include being submissive to our husbands with how we dress and act. Our submissiveness to our husbands is seen as part of our beauty – our inner beauty. Paul continues saying that a woman should learn in quietness and full submission. This really gets the feminists going usually, however it’s not as bad as it may sound at first. What he’s really saying is that women aren’t to argue and debate with their husbands over it when the husband is attempting to teach her spiritual things. Instead they are to listen to him and go along with what he is saying. Now days it’s rare for a man to be the spiritual leader in the home, but back then it was the norm. It’s perfectly OK for a woman to ask questions etc. but we aren’t to be argumenative. In other words what Paul was saying that women who were aruging and making a fuss (loudly) should settle down and listen and try to lern instead.
Women are not to have authority over a man under normal conditions. In the old testament however God chose to make women judges over men even and told the Israelites it was because there were no men qualified to take the job so He was making women judges to shame them. So it’s not that women aren’t perfectly capable, it’s simply that when we “take over” we’re usurping the husbands job from him. This is really bad because we’re not giving them the opportunity to grow into the godly men God intended them to be. Instead we should be supportive and help them grow into that position and encourage them.
Let’s quickly take a look at the last thing Peter says about this:
1 Peter 3:6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Peter is telling us here that because Jesus is our Lord we do not need to be fearful of submitting to our husbands when we are doing what is right.. God is not the author of fear, but instead gives us a spirit of self control. This self control is really what both Paul and Peter are talking about, why Peter tells us not to be argumentative etc. Just like when he says we are to be quiet. He isn’t saying we shouldn’t talk! He’s saying that we shouldn’t be loud and obnoxious! We are to be self controlled and do what is right, submitting to our husbands and allowing our husbands to be the leader in the home.
Please keep in mind that we're only studying what the wives job is, and that while we are to submit that is not giving them permission to walk all over us like a doormat!
One of the most difficult things is to be with someone that says they're saved but doesn't have the fruit. I've been in that position as well.
Then there's the position of being with someone that is an unbeliever and who doesn't even claim to be saved and acts like an unsaved person. The word is a little clearer in this area, but it's still difficult.
Anytime there's any kind of abuse, regardless of whether or not the person claims to be saved, it generally causes the woman to become confused about what they are supposed to do in that situation and that's when we usually make all the wrong decisions. I know I did in the past.
Now I really do not want to get into a discussion of divorce here, so other then saying this, let's save anything to do with that for the other forum and a different study.
God is a loving God. He loves us more then we can ever understand. He would never abuse us--not emotionally, mentally or physically or spiritually in any way at all, nor does He want anyone else to do that to us, or us to do it to anyone else. We can know these things by reading and studying what God is like throughout the entire Bible. We know this by studying His attributes. We know too that He calls us to be like Him.
For the purposes of this study however, let's look at what Paul has said:
1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
In the above verse Paul says that God has called us as believers to live in peace. Now that doesn't mean that we should tolerate bad behavior in order to have peace, because that is not living in peace. Instead, that's enabling someone to continue their bad behavior. It's not living in peace because when you tolerate that bad behavior, that abuse, you are not at peace! Neither is he! Someone who is angry all the time is most certainly not at peace!
Let's look too at what God says about someone who is often angry:
Colossians 3:5-10 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
So it's easy to see that anger doesn't come from God, it is not a godly attribute. There is such a thing as "righteous anger" but someone who is frequently angry isn't being righteously angry, they are simply being angry which is a sin and of the old nature. This is an indication that either the person isn't saved and never really was, or if they were just saved, it's an area that God will be working on constantly until the person has overcome that old part of their nature. Even the newly saved person will usually know that every time they get angry that way that they have slipped back into their old nature and that they need to confess it and repent.
You simply cannot live in peace with someone who is always angry. It's impossible. Now if that person sincerely desires to change and gives their life to Christ, then you've got a shot at it, but other then that, I'm not so sure.
Later Paul also says:
1 Corinthians 7:23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men.
To tolerate abuse is in fact becoming a slave to that person.
Ephesians 5:8-11 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
So we are not to tolerate it, but expose it and have nothing to do with it. We are not to say, "oh well I probably deserve it" or "it's probably my fault because...."; those are lies from Satan! You are a child of the King and deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
When we expose it however we are not to throw it in their face or rub their noses in it or do it in anger or to hurt them. We are to do it to help them because we love them and want to help them to be the godly man God made them to be. When speaking this way to our husband it needs to be done in all humility and love with much tact.
So God's Word says we are to speak the truth in love which calls us to look at 1 cor 13 to see what "love" requires of us. (and them) But first I want to share this with you:
One of my favorite scriptures shows how God loves us and also shows how our husbands are supposed to love us. Remember that although we are called to submit to our husbands, God's command to husbands is that they are to love us as Christ loves the Church-the body of Christ. That's a sacrificial love; a love that thinks of the other person before themselves or anything else. A love that exemplifies 1 Cor. 13 which we'll look at next. But look first at this verse:
Song of Solomon 2:4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.
This of it this way, we raise banners up to proclaim things that are very important to us, so this is saying that all the time, everywhere, the banner our husband is waving over us is shouting his great love for us, just as God is. It's saying in physical terms that everything our husbands does should shout to the world that he loves us. Isn't that awesome??? Even more awesome is that's how God is with us! But the point is that someone that's abusive isn't doing this.
So what kind of attributes should be found in a good godly marriage? Again we can look to His Word:
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Now obviously since we're not perfect, we're all going to have times when we mess up and do the opposite of those things. When we do however, as believers we are to confess our sins to God and to our spouse and ask their forgiveness.
1 Corinthians 11:11-12 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
Here he is telling us that a married couple is to be interdependent with each other, complimenting each other. A married couple is "one flesh", that's what that means. Everything the man does affects the woman and everything the woman does affects the man. Everything done to either one of the affects the other as well. Women aren't inferior, just different, but we also aren't superior and shouldn't act like we are.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Now to your last questions, which is what are we to do. That's very hard to say and really can't be addressed "in general" I don't think. In general a good answer would have to be to pray regularly, constantly about this, and read God's Word regularly asking Him to show you what to do. The only other general advice I can give from His Word is that you are not to tolerate evil behavior like that. How you decide to deal with it though is between you and the Lord. You can confront your husband with his lack of fruit and show him how serious the anger issue is; discuss the true gospel with him and see if he's willing to turn his life over to Christ; or if more appropriate see if they'll recommit to Christ; you can separate from him and if the abuse is at all physical that is the very first thing you should do; and there's probably other ways of handling it as well. Be assured however that although we are to submit, we are not to be doormats and we are not to put up with any kind of abuse. I hope this helps!
We're conditioned by society (the world) to do just about anything to "have peace", to stop it somehow, and we don't stop to think usually that what we're doing is only perpetuating the abuse. It might stop it at that moment but it also assures that it will happen again and that's not living in peace. In fact it actually does the opposite and causes us to live in fear and stress because we know it's going to happen again--the question is "when". It can get to the point of where the last place you want to be is "home" because you're not safe there and you're not at peace. That's the real shame too because our homes should be the one place we can be ourselves, where we're accepted just as we are; and where we are the safest and at peace. But the abuser will often turn even those words against us and say that they too should be accepted "as they are", but that's not true. Abuse is a sin, it's wrong and it's not acceptable ever in any form; and shouldn't be acceptable to them either. (and if they're really born again it won't be)
1 Timothy 2:9-12 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
1 Peter 3:1-6 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Like I said, it's not that we can't talk, it's "how" we talk and "when" we talk, as Kel pointed out. Our husbands are the head of our homes and head over us, so we don't take them to task in front of others, we instead discuss it quietly with them when we are alone with them; and we don't nag, etc.
The Profile of a Godly Mother
The Profile of a Godly Mother
By John MacArthur
I once came across an interesting article on motherhood by a man named W. L. Caldwell written back in 1928. Here's what he said:
Well may we pause to pay honor to her who after Jesus Christ is God's best gift to men, mother. It was she who shared her life with us when as yet our members were unformed, into the valley of the shadow of death she walked that we might have the light of life. In her arms was the garner of our food and the soft couch for our repose. There we nestled in the hour of pain; there was the playground of our infant glee.
Those same arms later became our refuge and stronghold. It was she who taught our baby feet to go and lifted us up over the rough places. Her blessed hands plied the needle by day and by night to make our clothes. She put the book under our arm and started us off for school. But best of all, she taught our baby lips to lisp the name of Jesus and told us first the wondrous story of a Savior's love.
Caldwell went on to say, "The pride of America is its mothers. There are wicked mothers like Jezebel of old. There are unnatural mothers who sell their children into sin. There are sin cursed rum soaked and abandoned mothers to whom their motherhood is the exposure of their shame. I am glad to believe, however, that there are comparatively few in this class."
Is that true? Are there merely a few unfaithful mothers? Maybe that was the case in 1928, but it's sadly not so today. High rates of illegitimacy and divorce reveal the contemporary abandonment of marriage--motherhood's foundation. Annual abortions number in the millions, which shows the heart of many mothers has grown cold.
Millions of children whose mothers allow them to see the light of day cower in fear under angry abuse. And countless are the mothers who ignore, neglect, or abandon their children in pursuit of self-centered "fulfillment"--motherhood is an inconvenient interruption to their lifestyle.
For better or worse, mothers are the makers of men; they are the architects of the next generation. That's why the goal of becoming a godly mother is the highest and most noble pursuit of womanhood. God has specially equipped women for that very purpose, and in Christ, women can experience profound satisfaction in that divinely ordained pursuit. They can be who God created them to be.
Ladies, please pay attention. There are so many who would capture your interests today, to tear you away from God's high calling on your life. "Focus on your career," "Buy more stuff," "Pamper yourself"--you've heard it all, I'm sure. Don't buy what they're selling--it's all a lie.
With that in mind, I want to encourage you this Mother's Day to consider one biblical example of motherhood. It's Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel, an emblem of the grace of womanhood. You can read all about her in 1 Samuel 1 and 2.
Hannah became a mother by faith. In the opening verses of 1 Samuel, she is introduced as a childless woman. But God granted her a precious gift and she became the mother of one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth. As you follow this account, you'll see the profile of a godly mother.
Devoted to Her Husband
Contrary to popular opinion, the most important characteristic of a godly mother is her relationship, not with her children, but with her husband. What you communicate to your children through your marital relationship will stay with them for the rest of their lives. By watching you and your husband, they are learning the most fundamental lessons of life--love, self-sacrifice, integrity, virtue, sin, sympathy, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. Whatever you teach them about those things, right or wrong, is planted deep within their hearts.
That emphasis on marriage was very evident between Elkanah and Hannah. They were dedicated to the faithful worship of God (1 Sam 1:3), and they were dedicated to loving one another (1 Sam 1:4–8). Their situation--being unable to have children together--was like an open wound. But it was an experience that drew out of Elkanah tender expressions of love for his wife.
At a particularly low point in Hannah's discouragement, Elkanah comforted his wife with these words: "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1 Sam 1:8). That may not seem like a tremendous comfort to you, but he was appealing to the satisfaction they enjoyed in their marriage. Notice the effect: Hannah was encouraged--she started to eat and drink again (1 Sam 1:9), and she went to the temple to seek the Lord (1 Sam 1:9-11).
That's the kind of marriage to which a godly mother is devoted--dedication to loving God, dedication to loving one another. That's the soil where godly mothers grow and flourish.
Devoted to Her God
Hannah struggled through acute pain and adversity. She was barren, she had to share her husband with another woman--one who could produce children, and she had to endure the pain of that woman's cruelty (1 Sam 1:6-7). And though Hannah was tempted to despair (1 Sam 1:8), she received the encouragement of her husband, turned to the Lord, and poured out her heart to Him in humble devotion (1 Sam 1:9-18).
Like many women today, Hannah struggled with the pain of infertility. She wanted God's best, to be a mother. In her sadness, Hannah didn't complain to her husband--there was nothing he could do about it--and she didn't fight back when Peninnah tormented her. Instead, Hannah trusted God through prayer.
That's a beautiful characteristic. She understood that God was the source of children, that God alone could alter her sterility. Her distinctive virtue was her constant faith. First Samuel 1:12 says, "It came about as she continued praying before the Lord". Her prayers were constant. She stayed there praying with a broken heart, pouring out tearful prayers. Hannah knew where to go with her problems.
Hannah was quite different from many today who long for children; she wasn't seeking a child for her own fulfillment. Childless parents today spend millions on infertility treatments--medications, special diets, egg-harvesting, even in-vitro fertilization. They worry and fret and sin in their continued anxiety.
Not Hannah. Hannah was willing from the start to give the child back to God, for life (1 Sam 1:11). It wasn't about her. It wasn't about getting what she wanted. It was about self-sacrifice, giving herself to that little life to give him back to the Lord. After coming to that place in her heart, after expressing her desires to the Lord in prayer, she experienced the peace of humble devotion to God. She "went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad" (1 Sam 1:18).
Devoted to Her Home
According to His perfect will, God gave Hannah a son--Samuel.
And Elkanah had relations with Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son; and she named him Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked him of the Lord." (1 Sam 1:19-20)
Hannah named her son in remembrance of God's goodness, and she devoted herself to her motherly responsibilities--she was fully committed to her home. The time came for one of the annual trips to Shiloh, and Elkanah came to Hannah to prepare her for the trip.
Then the man Elkanah went up with all his household to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, "I will not go up until the child is weaned; then I will bring him, that he may appear before the Lord and stay there forever."
When God gave the child, Hannah dedicated herself to raising him. She would be devoted to that task for several years, knowing her time with him was short. That's so different from what you see today, isn't it? Women have babies, and a couple of months later they slam the baby in some day care center and take off for the job.
Not Hannah. She was totally committed to stay in the home until that little life was trained. She had important work to do--nursing, loving cherishing, instructing. Hannah understood how vital those early years are, when 90 percent of personality is formed. She prepared him in those formative years for a lifetime of service to God--such a high calling.
Don't mistake her devotion to raising Samuel for the modern tendency to make the child the center of the universe. Hannah discharged her responsibility as a steward--one day she had to give Samuel back. It wasn't about fulfilling her deepest needs through her child. It was about fulfilling her oath to God. It was about being faithful to her calling to be a godly mother.
For those of you who are mothers, think about Hannah this Mother's Day. Be devoted to your husband; be devoted to your God; and be devoted to your home in the fear of the Lord. That's your high calling and your greatest joy.
For those of you whose mothers are still living, recognize your mother this Mother's Day for the things she did well. Look in love beyond any of her shortcomings and honor the one who introduced you to life.
posted with permission from an email
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A301
By John MacArthur
I once came across an interesting article on motherhood by a man named W. L. Caldwell written back in 1928. Here's what he said:
Well may we pause to pay honor to her who after Jesus Christ is God's best gift to men, mother. It was she who shared her life with us when as yet our members were unformed, into the valley of the shadow of death she walked that we might have the light of life. In her arms was the garner of our food and the soft couch for our repose. There we nestled in the hour of pain; there was the playground of our infant glee.
Those same arms later became our refuge and stronghold. It was she who taught our baby feet to go and lifted us up over the rough places. Her blessed hands plied the needle by day and by night to make our clothes. She put the book under our arm and started us off for school. But best of all, she taught our baby lips to lisp the name of Jesus and told us first the wondrous story of a Savior's love.
Caldwell went on to say, "The pride of America is its mothers. There are wicked mothers like Jezebel of old. There are unnatural mothers who sell their children into sin. There are sin cursed rum soaked and abandoned mothers to whom their motherhood is the exposure of their shame. I am glad to believe, however, that there are comparatively few in this class."
Is that true? Are there merely a few unfaithful mothers? Maybe that was the case in 1928, but it's sadly not so today. High rates of illegitimacy and divorce reveal the contemporary abandonment of marriage--motherhood's foundation. Annual abortions number in the millions, which shows the heart of many mothers has grown cold.
Millions of children whose mothers allow them to see the light of day cower in fear under angry abuse. And countless are the mothers who ignore, neglect, or abandon their children in pursuit of self-centered "fulfillment"--motherhood is an inconvenient interruption to their lifestyle.
For better or worse, mothers are the makers of men; they are the architects of the next generation. That's why the goal of becoming a godly mother is the highest and most noble pursuit of womanhood. God has specially equipped women for that very purpose, and in Christ, women can experience profound satisfaction in that divinely ordained pursuit. They can be who God created them to be.
Ladies, please pay attention. There are so many who would capture your interests today, to tear you away from God's high calling on your life. "Focus on your career," "Buy more stuff," "Pamper yourself"--you've heard it all, I'm sure. Don't buy what they're selling--it's all a lie.
With that in mind, I want to encourage you this Mother's Day to consider one biblical example of motherhood. It's Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel, an emblem of the grace of womanhood. You can read all about her in 1 Samuel 1 and 2.
Hannah became a mother by faith. In the opening verses of 1 Samuel, she is introduced as a childless woman. But God granted her a precious gift and she became the mother of one of the greatest men who ever walked the earth. As you follow this account, you'll see the profile of a godly mother.
Devoted to Her Husband
Contrary to popular opinion, the most important characteristic of a godly mother is her relationship, not with her children, but with her husband. What you communicate to your children through your marital relationship will stay with them for the rest of their lives. By watching you and your husband, they are learning the most fundamental lessons of life--love, self-sacrifice, integrity, virtue, sin, sympathy, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. Whatever you teach them about those things, right or wrong, is planted deep within their hearts.
That emphasis on marriage was very evident between Elkanah and Hannah. They were dedicated to the faithful worship of God (1 Sam 1:3), and they were dedicated to loving one another (1 Sam 1:4–8). Their situation--being unable to have children together--was like an open wound. But it was an experience that drew out of Elkanah tender expressions of love for his wife.
At a particularly low point in Hannah's discouragement, Elkanah comforted his wife with these words: "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (1 Sam 1:8). That may not seem like a tremendous comfort to you, but he was appealing to the satisfaction they enjoyed in their marriage. Notice the effect: Hannah was encouraged--she started to eat and drink again (1 Sam 1:9), and she went to the temple to seek the Lord (1 Sam 1:9-11).
That's the kind of marriage to which a godly mother is devoted--dedication to loving God, dedication to loving one another. That's the soil where godly mothers grow and flourish.
Devoted to Her God
Hannah struggled through acute pain and adversity. She was barren, she had to share her husband with another woman--one who could produce children, and she had to endure the pain of that woman's cruelty (1 Sam 1:6-7). And though Hannah was tempted to despair (1 Sam 1:8), she received the encouragement of her husband, turned to the Lord, and poured out her heart to Him in humble devotion (1 Sam 1:9-18).
Like many women today, Hannah struggled with the pain of infertility. She wanted God's best, to be a mother. In her sadness, Hannah didn't complain to her husband--there was nothing he could do about it--and she didn't fight back when Peninnah tormented her. Instead, Hannah trusted God through prayer.
That's a beautiful characteristic. She understood that God was the source of children, that God alone could alter her sterility. Her distinctive virtue was her constant faith. First Samuel 1:12 says, "It came about as she continued praying before the Lord". Her prayers were constant. She stayed there praying with a broken heart, pouring out tearful prayers. Hannah knew where to go with her problems.
Hannah was quite different from many today who long for children; she wasn't seeking a child for her own fulfillment. Childless parents today spend millions on infertility treatments--medications, special diets, egg-harvesting, even in-vitro fertilization. They worry and fret and sin in their continued anxiety.
Not Hannah. Hannah was willing from the start to give the child back to God, for life (1 Sam 1:11). It wasn't about her. It wasn't about getting what she wanted. It was about self-sacrifice, giving herself to that little life to give him back to the Lord. After coming to that place in her heart, after expressing her desires to the Lord in prayer, she experienced the peace of humble devotion to God. She "went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad" (1 Sam 1:18).
Devoted to Her Home
According to His perfect will, God gave Hannah a son--Samuel.
And Elkanah had relations with Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son; and she named him Samuel, saying, "Because I have asked him of the Lord." (1 Sam 1:19-20)
Hannah named her son in remembrance of God's goodness, and she devoted herself to her motherly responsibilities--she was fully committed to her home. The time came for one of the annual trips to Shiloh, and Elkanah came to Hannah to prepare her for the trip.
Then the man Elkanah went up with all his household to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, "I will not go up until the child is weaned; then I will bring him, that he may appear before the Lord and stay there forever."
When God gave the child, Hannah dedicated herself to raising him. She would be devoted to that task for several years, knowing her time with him was short. That's so different from what you see today, isn't it? Women have babies, and a couple of months later they slam the baby in some day care center and take off for the job.
Not Hannah. She was totally committed to stay in the home until that little life was trained. She had important work to do--nursing, loving cherishing, instructing. Hannah understood how vital those early years are, when 90 percent of personality is formed. She prepared him in those formative years for a lifetime of service to God--such a high calling.
Don't mistake her devotion to raising Samuel for the modern tendency to make the child the center of the universe. Hannah discharged her responsibility as a steward--one day she had to give Samuel back. It wasn't about fulfilling her deepest needs through her child. It was about fulfilling her oath to God. It was about being faithful to her calling to be a godly mother.
For those of you who are mothers, think about Hannah this Mother's Day. Be devoted to your husband; be devoted to your God; and be devoted to your home in the fear of the Lord. That's your high calling and your greatest joy.
For those of you whose mothers are still living, recognize your mother this Mother's Day for the things she did well. Look in love beyond any of her shortcomings and honor the one who introduced you to life.
posted with permission from an email
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A301
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