My parents were atheists, so the only knowledge I had of Jesus and the Gospel came from church. Although I was only 12, I did talk my mom into getting me a bible and I read it constantly. But no one explained the gospel to me. No one taught me what everything meant. I tried very hard to find out on my own. Even though I was 12, I decided that I'd start going to Sunday School. I didn't want to start with the 6th grade though, as I assumed I wasn't ready for that since I didn't know the basics. I went to the 1st grade classroom for awhile, then the 2nd, etc. till I felt I had learned all they had to offer. Then I went to my own grade. But I still didn't know the gospel! Oh yeah, I knew the bible stories now, and that's a start anyway, but I didn't know the most important things of all!
I struggled for years, all my teen years and the first few adult years, to "be good" so that I would go to heaven. I adored Jesus! But I couldn't live up to His standards. I finally gave up. I knew it was just impossible. So I told Him how sorry I was, and that I loved Him, and that I understood that I'd have to go to hell, but that was OK, cause I knew I deserved hell. I did presume to ask Him if I might just see His face one time before He sent me there though, and if maybe I could give Him a hug.
I lived most of the rest of my adult life with that thought. I still went to church every Sunday, I still read my bible, I still prayed. But I did it all with the knowledge that I'd never go to heaven. I only hoped that maybe my children might make it somehow. And I still loved Jesus with all my heart. But I also felt like I was missing something. I remembered how Peter was drastically changed after the resurrection, and how that seemed to be true for all the early Christians, yet I didn't see it in the people who were Christians today, except maybe a very, very few. They all seemed to be the same people they were before they were "saved". I didn't understand why, but somehow knew that there was a problem and it couldn't be with God so it had to be with us.
It wasn't until approximately 20 years ago, that the Lord in His great mercy, spoke to me and showed me the Truth. My life at that time was a total wreck. I desperately needed help and I wanted answers. I knew enough to know that the only real truth could be found only in the Bible, so that was where I turned, to the Bible and prayer. I pleaded with the Lord to help me, to show me what to do, and to show me why I couldn't be good enough for Him. The reason I asked Him why I couldn't be good enough for Him was because I wanted to know where I had gone wrong, and how other people did it. I wanted to be changed like Peter was. I wanted to try one more time, but at the same time, I wasn't real sure the Lord would allow me to. I had gotten baptized when I was 12 and figured that every sin I committed after that moment was on my slate and I would have to pay for it in hell. I didn't think the Lord would let me get baptized again, but I had a faint hope that He might, since I was only a child then.... so I prayed and I read.
I immersed myself in my bible, and I started reading "Satan is alive and well on planet earth" by Hal Lindsey. He explained the gospel in it, and the light went on, and I understood!!!! My soul rejoiced and I cried and prayed and cried some more as I realized that I was saved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That He loved me too! That I didn't have to be "good enough" for Him!!!! That He took me as I was!!!! Oh the glory of that moment!!! Time stood still and when it started again my whole world and my whole life was changed. Instantly.
(and yes, I'm crying my eyes out right now just remembering this)
Later, I asked the Lord, why it had taken me so long to learn the Truth. What I was really asking was "why didn't you tell me before!" The Lord showed me this verse:
Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
That last line just jumped right out at me and practically glowed!
Yes, I had sought Him before, many times, but never with my "whole" heart. All those other times, there were many other things that my heart felt were just as important...school, getting good grades, friends, raising my kids, day to day life, my job, money, fixing whatever current crisis my life was in at that time, etc. It wasn't until I literally laid it ALL down and made finding the Lord my top priority and my only priority that I found Him. If you read back to where I said I started searching and reading my Bible again, you'll see that this time, I wasn't running to God so that He would fix the crisis I was in or help me get a raise or anything else.
Yes, my life was a total wreck, but I had finally come to understand that it was a wreck because I didn't have Him in my life. I knew that He was what I needed, more then health, more then money, more then making my kids obey me, more then anything.
Ever since that moment, my life has been filled with joy. Oh yes, there have been many times that I had problems and that I had to deal with grief and heartache, as well as all the normal day to day problems everyone has. It wasn't an easy road to get my life turned around and put onto the right track, and I don't mean to imply that it was. Beneath it all however was a joy that has never left me. Joy that one day I will see my Savior face to face and that I will get to spend Eternity praising Him! That joy is my strength even now and I know it always will be no matter what comes. People may fail me, loved ones may hurt me, problems will come, but Jesus will never leave me and that joy is there, deep in my soul.
Another thing changed in me at that moment when I was saved. I was immediately at peace with God. I had fought Him for so long that it actually felt strange at first, although welcome as well. It felt kind of like the world had been lifted off my shoulders, and I hadn't even realized I was carrying the world on my shoulders until it was gone. That peace has also stayed with me and never leaves. I didn't understand what that was either at first--I just enjoyed it. Now I know that peace is Jesus, because Jesus is our peace and He is the Prince of peace and He alone can give us His peace which passes all understanding. I think that's why it's so hard to describe, because it is beyond understanding and beyond words. It's not even really a feeling, it's just a reality that's there....
And so I was saved and changed by the Lord and the changes have continued ever since then. I had to learn the hard way that I had to really and truly put God and His Word before everything and everyone else in my life, and from that moment on, I never stopped, never looked back and never wanted anything other then more of the Lord. I knew that if I slacked off, stopped or even decreased the time I spent with Him in His Word, that I'd start backsliding and that was the last thing I wanted to have happen!
The Gospel is really true, it really is "Good News!" God can and will save and change us and keep changing us from the inside out, making us more and more like Jesus, if we will only seek Him with ALL our hearts, all our minds, and all our strength. Let me tell you too, it really is like being "born again". I remember thinking that now I knew why that phrase was used because that's exactly what it felt like, like being born again and getting to start over with a clean slate in a brand new life!
“More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ.” PHILIPPIANS 3:8
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God’s greatest desire for us is that we seek diligently to know Him.
To know God and all that He has revealed about Himself is the highest pursuit of life. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Prov. 9:10). Such a realization should really be the starting point for all of life’s other pursuits.
As David gave his throne to his son Solomon, his primary counsel was that Solomon know God: “As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts, and understands every intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever” (1 Chron. 28:9).
Knowing God not only determines the quality of one’s present life, but also the destiny of one’s life in eternity. Jesus says, “And this is eternal life, that they may know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent” (John 17:3). Eternal life is simply knowing God in an intimate way for the rest of eternity. It begins here on earth when we believe in Christ and partake of His very nature and life.
How can we know God? The Lord says, “You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jer. 29:13). Solomon teaches us, “For if you cry for discernment, lift your voice for understanding; if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God” (Prov. 2:3–5). This pursuit of God must be our top priority in life. Otherwise, it is so easy to be distracted by the pursuit of money, career success, personal power and prestige, or any earthly endeavor that demands our time and energy.
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Suggestions for Prayer: Thank the Lord that you know Him personally.
For Further Study: Read 2 Peter 1:1–11. What are the benefits to those who know God? ✧ What qualities should be evident in your life? (this is a great study to do!)
MacArthur, J. (1997). Strength for today.
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