Understanding Forgiveness and Forgiving 9

Forgiving someone isn't the last step. Usually when we forgive someone, we tend to think that's the end of it and we don't have anything else we need to do. But we need to remember God's purpose in forgiveness. His purpose is reconciliation. If we look at how He forgives us, we can see that forgiveness is actually closer to the first step, because once He forgives us, He brings us into a close, personal relationship with Him. That's what he wants to have happen when we forgive someone else. The purpose is so we can build an even stronger, deeper relationship with that person. It's to make our relationship better then ever.

Let's look at it this way...before we were saved, sin put a wall between us and God, right? When we repent and He forgives us, it removes that wall between us. But we're still separated - we're not "one" yet. But then the Lord then comes and dwells within us and we're no longer separated, but instead are living in a vital close relationship with Him.

Now obviously we can't go "dwell within" someone, and God doesn't expect that either, but He does want us to be reconciled and be one in Him. In this world though it's very easy for us to drift away from that friend after they've repented. Remember that we're not talking about them repenting from some little sin, but rather from something really serious, because we cover all the other kinds of sin with love.

The Lord shows us what needs to be done here:

2 Corinthians 2:7–8 —Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. *I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. *

There are 3 things we're told are needed here: forgive, comfort, and reaffirm our love for them. When we love someone, we want to help them don't we? We all know how difficult it can be to overcome some sins in our life, so what we're being told to do here is to help them overcome the sin in any way we can. If nothing else we can pray for them, but other things we might be able to do is to point them to a biblical counselor, or to the pastor or elders at church or another church member that might be able to help them with the problem. We can also "be there" for them to talk to when they're needing that. That would be comforting them and also reaffirming our love for them. In other words we're not to just forgive them and leave them to deal with their mess. We're to help them rise above it.

To reaffirm our love for them, we can also do things like make sure that we include them in invitations for dinner or activities, and just make the effort to call them regularly to see how they're doing and let them know that we care. When we do things like this, it will cause our relationship with them to grow stronger instead of drifting away from them.

One thing we need to remember during this time is that we are to love them with God's love and not the worlds way. God says that there are consequences to sin and while He does want us to forgive each other, we're not to try and prevent the person from having to deal with the consequences of their sin.

For example, let's say I was driving your car and speeding and got a ticket for it. You forgive me but I say now that I'm forgiven, you should pay for the ticket because otherwise you're holding the sin against me still. Boy is that twisting things! But then I've seen people say things very similar to this so I know it happens. Making me pay for the ticket I got is not holding my sin against me. When you forgave me you promised not to bring up the sin or hold it against me, but you didn't promise that you would remove the consequences of the sin.

The Bible shows us again and again that there are consequences for sin even when we're forgiven. Look at David, after he was forgiven for his sin, his infant son still died. Remember too that God says that for some sins, restitution is required. Like if someone steals something from you, it would be correct to ask them to return it or to pay whatever it would cost you to replace it. The tendency today is for people to "give in" and let others get away with just about anything, but that isn't the loving thing to do.

That's one reason why it's often so much easier to just drift apart from the person. When we realize though that's not God's will, then we have to put a good deal of effort into reconciling with the person. This leads us to two other things...what if you break your promise and for who's sake are you forgiving someone for.

Who should be the focus of our forgiveness? I'm bringing this up because in today's world, everything is about us, or so we've been taught. Even with forgiveness we tend to look at it as a way to benefit ourselves. If we don't forgive, then God won't forgive us and won't hear our prayers, so we forgive others to get a benefit for ourselves from it. Yet that wasn't how Jesus forgave others, or why He forgave them. He wasn't looking for any gain for Himself out of it when He forgave me or you or the people who were in His life back then. Just as everything else that the Lord teaches us is the opposite of what the world teaches, so is this. He doesn't want us to forgive others so we gain out of it or even out of fear that He won't forgive us or that He will judge us more harshly. He has told us constantly in His Word that we're to deny ourselves, put others before ourselves; that we're to be God centered and others centered and not self centered. He constantly and consistently points away from ourselves and toward others from Genesis through Revelation. Even the two great commandments tell us that. We're to love God and others.

Once again we need to look at how God forgave us to see where He wants us to put our focus on when we forgive others. When He forgave us, we were His enemies. We hated Him and ridiculed Him and sinned constantly against Him. Yet He loved us so much that He forgave us anyway. He didn't wait till He felt like it. Nor did He do it so that the Father would listen to Him or forgive Him - He had nothing to be forgiven for anyway. When we forgive others, it's to be the same way.

We did not deserve to be forgiven, even when we repented of our sin and asked Him to come into our lives and be our Lord. That's how we're to forgive others and another reason why our feelings don't matter. We grant them forgiveness even though they don't deserve it, just like He forgave us. Think back to when we were first saved. We repented of our sins, but we didn't really deserve to be forgiven...we didn't immediately turn around and live holy lives. Well, at least I know I didn't. So why did the Lord forgive me? He did it because He loves me. After He forgave me, He was still patient with me too. He was gentle and kind and never threw my sins in my face or used them against me, and has never done that to this day. Instead He patiently instructs me and teaches me His ways and when I fall down, He picks me back up and starts all over again.

So what's our focus to be or what's the reason we should forgive others? We should be focusing on their needs, not our feelings or what we'll get out of it if we do, or what will happen to us if we don't. What then is the purpose of granting others forgiveness? It's to do good to another out of gratitude to God, honoring Him by imitating His gracious forgiveness in Christ.

Ephesians 4:32 —Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. *

The word used for forgiving in the above verse stresses grace and means something given to someone freely as a favor. Everything in the above verse focuses on the one who is forgiven, not on the person doing the forgiving. Let's look at what it says in context too:

Ephesians 4:32–5:2 —Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. *Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children *and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. *

Did you notice the very next line? We're to imitate God in the way He forgives us, and lead a life of love just as He did. It's very easy to fall back into the worlds ways of thinking and think that we deserve to have Him forgive us for our sins, because after all, we're really not all that bad. We're actually pretty good, at least in comparison with other people we know...right? Wrong! God tells us that even our very best is nothing more then filthy rags compared to His perfection. Think about that for a moment...who's the most saintly, most godly person you've ever known or read about? How about the disciples or any of the people in the Bible? On their very best days, they were no better then filthy rags compared to our Lord's perfection. We are so utterly selfish, so totally depraved, that the only thing we have ever deserved from God is Hell. That's one thing I know for sure about myself now. Yet even as horrible as I really was and still am, the Lord forgave me of all my sins. All of them! Isn't that amazing???? I didn't deserve it when He hung on that cross for me. I didn't deserve it at any time during my life and I still don't deserve it today.

But the world has filled our heads with the total opposite for so long, and the church has failed to teach us for so long about how totally depraved we are, that this is hard for most people to deal with and understand. Another reason it's hard to deal with and understand is because we naturally don't want to. It goes against our sin nature to want to know just how sinful we are. That's also why so many people who think they're saved, really aren't, because they never knew or understood why they needed a savior to begin with. They think they're just fine the way they are. Once we honestly and truly realize this though, that's when we truly begin to love the Lord for forgiving us. This is what Jesus was talking about in the story He told Simon:

Luke 7:40–43 —Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. *“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. *Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” *Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. *
Luke 7:44–47 —Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. *You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. *You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. *Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” *

When Jesus says "he who has been forgiven little loves little", He's not saying that some people have fewer sins to forgive so they don't love Him as much. He's talking about how we perceive our sins. When we don't realize just how much of a sinner we are, then we feel like we've been forgiven only a little, since we're such a great person. It's not until we realize just how much of a sinner we really are that we will have that deep love and thankfulness for Him. The more we realize just how sinful we are, the easier it is to forgive another person no matter what they've done. It also helps us to realize that the person's sin against us, just shows how badly they need our Lord- just as badly as we did.

We need to always remember that the purpose of granting others forgiveness is to do good to another out of gratitude to God for forgiving us, honoring Him by imitating His gracious forgiveness in Christ.

Ephesians 4:32–5:2 —Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. *Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children *and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. *