About forgiving ourselves. I want to talk about this as it's something else that's terribly misunderstood, mainly again, because of what the world teaches about self esteem and forgiveness.
First, nowhere in the Bible does it say that we're to forgive ourselves for anything. Yet some Christian authors even say it's a sin not to forgive ourselves. That's pretty dangerous to say something like that when there's nothing in the bible that indicates it's a sin, so that would be adding to God's Word, which isn't good! A sin is failure to obey a command of God. That's why I can say it's a sin to worry, because God commands us in many scriptures, not to worry. But nowhere does God command us to love ourselves or to forgive ourselves. The scripture used by most folks to say He does is when He tells us to love others as we love ourselves. But He isn't telling us to love ourselves there. Instead, He's saying that He knows we do love ourselves (way too much!) and that He wants us to love others with that much love. Basically Jesus implies that we already love ourselves way more then we should and that we should start applying that love to others instead. I say "instead" because of His commands that we are to put others before ourselves and think of them before ourselves etc. All of that is addressed in the thread Biblical Self-Esteem so I'm not going to cover more about it here. That's a good thread to read every once in awhile though even if you've already read it.
I say again that the Bible says nothing about forgiving ourselves. So what do we do if we feel we can't forgive ourselves for something? Well, first let's look at what we're really saying when we say we need to forgive ourselves.
Usually when someone says they want or need to forgive themselves, even if they're unable to, they're saying that they want to put the incident behind them, that they feel a lot of guilt about it and they don't want to feel that anymore. Here's where the world's ideas really get messed up. Because if the person who wants to forgive themselves, even if they think they're unable to actually did have a low self esteem, instead of wanting for forgive themselves they'd be saying things like, “Well, you’d expect someone like the to do that, wouldn’t you?” Normally though we hear people saying things like, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that", which says that they're very anxious to forgive themselves but don't know how.
For those of us who are saved, we really do know how, but we've been so blinded by what the world teaches that we tend not to look in God's Word or even if we do, we tend to not look at what the Lord's already done for us and about forgiveness in general. Actually, it's because the church and individual Christians have for so long ignored their bibles, that we have this problem (and many others) to begin with. So, with that said, let's look and see what God has to say about this. I think that just giving you the hint about what to look at in His Word, that you could each figure it out for yourselves at this point.
OK, when we feel or wish that we could forgive ourselves, what are we saying? We're really saying that we wish that we could know for sure that we'd not ever do that again aren't we? And the reason we feel we can't forgive ourselves is not only because of the damage already done by our sin, but also because we're aware that since we haven't changed at all, we can't be sure we won't do it again. We're carrying around this load of guilt and we won't put it down because we're afraid that we'll just keep doing it. And if we carry it around long enough, we may have even repeated the offense since the first time, which of course only makes it worse.
We've really already covered this, it just wasn't covered as self forgiveness. For those of us born again, how can we be forgiven? We're forgiven when we repent right? And repentance means turning from our sin. What happens when we do that? God not only forgives our sin, but He cleanses our conscience too. So why didn't He? Because we didn't apply all that He has for us when we asked Him to forgive us. As we talked about before, that's often because we didn't know it was available to us.
But there's another reason too. Sometimes we don't want to let go of it because we actually like being miserable. We've felt miserable so long and now we (supposedly) have a valid reason for feeling that way. Besides, it's a great way to get pity or get attention from others too.
How do we overcome this and get rid of the burden of guilt? First we have to be saved, that's number one. Since all of us are, we go to the next step which is that we have to be willing to apply what Christ has to offer us, which is not only forgiveness but the cleansing of our conscience as well.
Hebrews 10:22–23 —let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. *Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. *
What do we do then? Exactly what the verse says: we draw near to God with a sincere heart, knowing by our faith, that He will cleanse us from the guilt and remove it as far from us as the east is from the west. In other words, we go to the Lord in repentance asking Him to cleanse our conscience and accept by faith that He has indeed done so.
John 15:3–4 —You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. *Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. *
Then, we "remain in Him" by staying close to Him all the time in prayer and through studying His Word daily. When we are living that way, we are living a lifestyle of faith and our conscience is clean because we know that we wouldn't do anything purposely to dishonor Him. Like Paul, we can say:
Acts 24:16 —So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. *
But we know, just as Paul did, that doesn't mean we won't slip up and sin at times.
1 Corinthians 4:4 —My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. *
Again like Paul we can know that the Lord will bring any sin we've committed to our minds so we can know about it and repent of it. We know He will do this because He loves us, not because He wants to condemn us - just the opposite for He has already given His life for us! Therefore, when we do realize that we've sinned, we're not afraid to run to the Lord and ask His forgiveness and help to overcome it. We know He loves us and only wants to help us.
Because we are living a life of faith and remaining in Him, more and more we become like our Lord. While those who aren't saved become more corrupt. They can't help it because their conscience is corrupt and will remain so until or unless they become saved. So the unsaved can never have this freedom from guilt that we can.
Now this next part I'm not sure about, but I'm going to tell you so you can think on it and talk to the Lord about it yourself and see what He says. First, look at what Paul says here in Titus and at some of what the commentaries say about the verses:
Titus 1:15–16 —To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. *They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good. *
If the mind is defiled, it cannot accurately inform the conscience, so conscience cannot warn the person. When conscience is accurately and fully infused with God’s truth, it functions as the warning system God designed. The MacArthur study Bible
Paul set the matter straight by reminding his readers of the Lord’s teaching that purification is largely a matter of the internal rather than the external (cf. Mark 7:15; Luke 11:39–41). Nothing outside can corrupt one who is internally pure; but someone who is internally impure corrupts all he touches. The problem with the false teachers was that on the inside, in their minds and consciences, they were impure. As a result, even though they claimed to know and follow God, their corrupt actions belied their true natures (cf. 1 John 2:4). The Bible Knowledge Commentary
This is a fascinating verse and much needed today. Paul is referring to the Jewish legalists who were extremists about Old Testament Jewish ceremonial washings. These insisted on the ceremonial washings and were still calling some meats unclean, showing the need for the teaching of Matthew 15:1–20. People today can go to extremes and see something wrong in everything and every person until they separate themselves into total isolation. KJV Bible Commentary.
“To the pure all things are pure” (Titus 1:15) concerns false teaching about dietary laws (1 Tim. 4:2–5). It does not mean that a “pure mind” remains pure after beholding what is impure things. When God’s truth enlightens your conscience, you will know right from wrong and will avoid that which is evil. A defiled conscience is like a dirty window: no light can enter (Matt. 6:22–23). With the Word Bible Commentary
Divine faith rests not on fallible reasonings and opinions of men, but on the infallible Word of God, the truth itself which purifies the heart of the believer. By this mark, judge of new and strange doctrines, and stop the mouths of those who handle the Word of God deceitfully. Summarized Bible
Here's the part I'm not sure about. To me, it seems that once we realize that God cleanses our consciences from guilt and shame, and we've gone to Him in faith believing He would so this, then it seems to me that it would be a sin to continue to hold onto feelings of guilt and shame. It would be like saying He wasn't strong enough or powerful enough to forgive and cleanse us. I don't think it would be a sin though until we were aware that He says He cleanses our consciences. But on this as a whole, whether or not it's actually a sin, I'm just not sure yet. That's why I wanted to share the other information with you too so you could take it to the Lord and see what He says for yourself.
However, if we're still hanging on to feelings of guilt and or shame, it could also be an indicator that we've missed something...that something still hasn't been taken to the Lord. Maybe when we searched our hearts we saw what we thought the problem was and took that to Him, but we just didn't go deep enough when searching.... Again to use myself as an example, lets say I sinned and was speeding; when I searched my heart, the first sin I realized was that I had broken the law and we're told to obey the law. When I continued to search my heart about what I'd done and how sinful it was, I found yet more sins were involved in it and finally got to the root sin which rebellion and selfishness. If I had stopped when I realized that we're supposed to obey the law, thinking that's all there was too it, I wouldn't have taken care of the deeper problem I had. See what I mean? So that's always a possibility if we're still hanging on to those feelings of guilt.
First, nowhere in the Bible does it say that we're to forgive ourselves for anything. Yet some Christian authors even say it's a sin not to forgive ourselves. That's pretty dangerous to say something like that when there's nothing in the bible that indicates it's a sin, so that would be adding to God's Word, which isn't good! A sin is failure to obey a command of God. That's why I can say it's a sin to worry, because God commands us in many scriptures, not to worry. But nowhere does God command us to love ourselves or to forgive ourselves. The scripture used by most folks to say He does is when He tells us to love others as we love ourselves. But He isn't telling us to love ourselves there. Instead, He's saying that He knows we do love ourselves (way too much!) and that He wants us to love others with that much love. Basically Jesus implies that we already love ourselves way more then we should and that we should start applying that love to others instead. I say "instead" because of His commands that we are to put others before ourselves and think of them before ourselves etc. All of that is addressed in the thread Biblical Self-Esteem so I'm not going to cover more about it here. That's a good thread to read every once in awhile though even if you've already read it.
I say again that the Bible says nothing about forgiving ourselves. So what do we do if we feel we can't forgive ourselves for something? Well, first let's look at what we're really saying when we say we need to forgive ourselves.
Usually when someone says they want or need to forgive themselves, even if they're unable to, they're saying that they want to put the incident behind them, that they feel a lot of guilt about it and they don't want to feel that anymore. Here's where the world's ideas really get messed up. Because if the person who wants to forgive themselves, even if they think they're unable to actually did have a low self esteem, instead of wanting for forgive themselves they'd be saying things like, “Well, you’d expect someone like the to do that, wouldn’t you?” Normally though we hear people saying things like, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that", which says that they're very anxious to forgive themselves but don't know how.
For those of us who are saved, we really do know how, but we've been so blinded by what the world teaches that we tend not to look in God's Word or even if we do, we tend to not look at what the Lord's already done for us and about forgiveness in general. Actually, it's because the church and individual Christians have for so long ignored their bibles, that we have this problem (and many others) to begin with. So, with that said, let's look and see what God has to say about this. I think that just giving you the hint about what to look at in His Word, that you could each figure it out for yourselves at this point.
OK, when we feel or wish that we could forgive ourselves, what are we saying? We're really saying that we wish that we could know for sure that we'd not ever do that again aren't we? And the reason we feel we can't forgive ourselves is not only because of the damage already done by our sin, but also because we're aware that since we haven't changed at all, we can't be sure we won't do it again. We're carrying around this load of guilt and we won't put it down because we're afraid that we'll just keep doing it. And if we carry it around long enough, we may have even repeated the offense since the first time, which of course only makes it worse.
We've really already covered this, it just wasn't covered as self forgiveness. For those of us born again, how can we be forgiven? We're forgiven when we repent right? And repentance means turning from our sin. What happens when we do that? God not only forgives our sin, but He cleanses our conscience too. So why didn't He? Because we didn't apply all that He has for us when we asked Him to forgive us. As we talked about before, that's often because we didn't know it was available to us.
But there's another reason too. Sometimes we don't want to let go of it because we actually like being miserable. We've felt miserable so long and now we (supposedly) have a valid reason for feeling that way. Besides, it's a great way to get pity or get attention from others too.
How do we overcome this and get rid of the burden of guilt? First we have to be saved, that's number one. Since all of us are, we go to the next step which is that we have to be willing to apply what Christ has to offer us, which is not only forgiveness but the cleansing of our conscience as well.
Hebrews 10:22–23 —let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. *Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. *
What do we do then? Exactly what the verse says: we draw near to God with a sincere heart, knowing by our faith, that He will cleanse us from the guilt and remove it as far from us as the east is from the west. In other words, we go to the Lord in repentance asking Him to cleanse our conscience and accept by faith that He has indeed done so.
John 15:3–4 —You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. *Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. *
Then, we "remain in Him" by staying close to Him all the time in prayer and through studying His Word daily. When we are living that way, we are living a lifestyle of faith and our conscience is clean because we know that we wouldn't do anything purposely to dishonor Him. Like Paul, we can say:
Acts 24:16 —So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. *
But we know, just as Paul did, that doesn't mean we won't slip up and sin at times.
1 Corinthians 4:4 —My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. *
Again like Paul we can know that the Lord will bring any sin we've committed to our minds so we can know about it and repent of it. We know He will do this because He loves us, not because He wants to condemn us - just the opposite for He has already given His life for us! Therefore, when we do realize that we've sinned, we're not afraid to run to the Lord and ask His forgiveness and help to overcome it. We know He loves us and only wants to help us.
Because we are living a life of faith and remaining in Him, more and more we become like our Lord. While those who aren't saved become more corrupt. They can't help it because their conscience is corrupt and will remain so until or unless they become saved. So the unsaved can never have this freedom from guilt that we can.
Now this next part I'm not sure about, but I'm going to tell you so you can think on it and talk to the Lord about it yourself and see what He says. First, look at what Paul says here in Titus and at some of what the commentaries say about the verses:
Titus 1:15–16 —To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. *They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good. *
If the mind is defiled, it cannot accurately inform the conscience, so conscience cannot warn the person. When conscience is accurately and fully infused with God’s truth, it functions as the warning system God designed. The MacArthur study Bible
Paul set the matter straight by reminding his readers of the Lord’s teaching that purification is largely a matter of the internal rather than the external (cf. Mark 7:15; Luke 11:39–41). Nothing outside can corrupt one who is internally pure; but someone who is internally impure corrupts all he touches. The problem with the false teachers was that on the inside, in their minds and consciences, they were impure. As a result, even though they claimed to know and follow God, their corrupt actions belied their true natures (cf. 1 John 2:4). The Bible Knowledge Commentary
This is a fascinating verse and much needed today. Paul is referring to the Jewish legalists who were extremists about Old Testament Jewish ceremonial washings. These insisted on the ceremonial washings and were still calling some meats unclean, showing the need for the teaching of Matthew 15:1–20. People today can go to extremes and see something wrong in everything and every person until they separate themselves into total isolation. KJV Bible Commentary.
“To the pure all things are pure” (Titus 1:15) concerns false teaching about dietary laws (1 Tim. 4:2–5). It does not mean that a “pure mind” remains pure after beholding what is impure things. When God’s truth enlightens your conscience, you will know right from wrong and will avoid that which is evil. A defiled conscience is like a dirty window: no light can enter (Matt. 6:22–23). With the Word Bible Commentary
Divine faith rests not on fallible reasonings and opinions of men, but on the infallible Word of God, the truth itself which purifies the heart of the believer. By this mark, judge of new and strange doctrines, and stop the mouths of those who handle the Word of God deceitfully. Summarized Bible
Here's the part I'm not sure about. To me, it seems that once we realize that God cleanses our consciences from guilt and shame, and we've gone to Him in faith believing He would so this, then it seems to me that it would be a sin to continue to hold onto feelings of guilt and shame. It would be like saying He wasn't strong enough or powerful enough to forgive and cleanse us. I don't think it would be a sin though until we were aware that He says He cleanses our consciences. But on this as a whole, whether or not it's actually a sin, I'm just not sure yet. That's why I wanted to share the other information with you too so you could take it to the Lord and see what He says for yourself.
However, if we're still hanging on to feelings of guilt and or shame, it could also be an indicator that we've missed something...that something still hasn't been taken to the Lord. Maybe when we searched our hearts we saw what we thought the problem was and took that to Him, but we just didn't go deep enough when searching.... Again to use myself as an example, lets say I sinned and was speeding; when I searched my heart, the first sin I realized was that I had broken the law and we're told to obey the law. When I continued to search my heart about what I'd done and how sinful it was, I found yet more sins were involved in it and finally got to the root sin which rebellion and selfishness. If I had stopped when I realized that we're supposed to obey the law, thinking that's all there was too it, I wouldn't have taken care of the deeper problem I had. See what I mean? So that's always a possibility if we're still hanging on to those feelings of guilt.
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